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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suprised by the number of friends who over strech themseslves at christmas

31 replies

CarrieInAnotherBabi · 04/11/2011 11:12

had a girly weekend last weekend, there was 8 of us there and one person started talking about her h taking his stress out on my friend, and alot of it was about how much she spends at christmas, on their chilren and both sies of the family, after she said this nearly everyone else stated joining in about how the cost of christmas causes alot of tension/rows.

one of my other friends said she has 60 people to buy for and spends 20pounds pergift so 1200, and thats not even her immdeiate family, then theres the clothes nights outs food an drink over xmas...

it just made me feel really sad people are struggling like this, alot of this gift buying is unnessacry, i know its nice if you can afford it, but when it gets to the point of causing strife within a marraige i think a rethink is in order.

i did suggest to friend two, the one that spends 1200 not inc immediate family, that perhaps she could, suggest to the other family and fiends, how about they could not exchange gifts this year, i said you'd probably find alot of them would be realived, at not having to buy back, but she said she didn't want to as xyz etc mean so much to her.

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 04/11/2011 11:24

YANBU. Some people are ridiculously materialistic. 60 people to buy for? Ridiculous. My friends and I do secret santa. We aren't short of cash but just to keep things sensible. People that get into lots of debt (any debt) for xmas are daft IMO.

manicbmc · 04/11/2011 11:27

Sounds like she just was justifying her spending. She could easily halve it by spending £10 instead of £20.

I have never understood the need to spend til you're in debt.

valiumredhead · 04/11/2011 11:28

YANBU, I am always stunned at the importance placed on ONE day of the whole year!

WizardOfOz · 04/11/2011 11:30

YANBU. 60 people and £20 each? That is ridiculous and I think your friend has some issues if she's 'buying' people this way. I've got 16 to buy for (close family only) and a budget of £120 and thought that was a lot.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 04/11/2011 11:34

That's alot if you don't have much money.

Between dp and I we buy for 10, not including each other and our kids.

Most of those will be less than a tenner.

It is one day, that unless you are religious should really just be about kids, I just don't get it.

StaceymAloneForver · 04/11/2011 11:36

i don't tend to budget it, just only get things people will want and use and we can afford. Kids have about 6 pressies each, each costing less than £10 (most around the 3-4 quid mark) and only buy for mine and dp's immidiate family, we don't buy gifts for each other.

I think materialism has gone bonkers tbh!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/11/2011 11:46

YANBU. Spending money you don't have merely to save face on token gift-giving is ridiculous. Christmas is an expensive time of year but if you're worried that others will think badly of you if you drop the gift budget to a fiver instead of £20, it says more about you than it does about them

AnonWasAWoman · 04/11/2011 11:52

Wow.

I was going to come on and say something about each to their own, but that is a huge sum of money!

I love Christmas and enjoy the whole planning, buying gifts, decorating aspect of it, and we do always end up with the debit card empty by the start of January - but buying for 60 people?! And presumably 60 people buying for you? How much stuff would you end up with?!

ceebeegeebies · 04/11/2011 11:54

I dont think I even know 60 people -Hmm Seems completely over the top to me.

trixymalixy · 04/11/2011 11:59

I thought I had a lot to buy for, but 60 people at £20 that is just ridiculous!!

Original poster
CarrieInAnotherBabi · 04/11/2011 12:00

alot of it is other families, buying for whole familes.

OP posts:
whatdoiknowanyway · 04/11/2011 12:06

I get confused at the attitudes some people have towards present giving. There were threads recently where people were saying it was dreadful to give a new bed or a suitcase to a child as a present.
We've always had functional gifts. Frivolous stuff too of course but new boots, bed linen, sports kit, even text books have all been wrapped up, placed under the tree and opened with delight.
As part of a big family there was never much money to spend on individuals so we had a cap on spending and it worked well.

I do struggle to understand why people put themselves under pressure for Christmas and birthdays. It's not a competition.

angelinterceptor · 04/11/2011 12:10

This kind of spending is silly, such a waste on over-priced gifts which then get put in a cupboard or given away.
I have a big family, but we have massively cut down, and will all agree on a £ limit per gift, say £5 or £10 - but DH has a smaller family and they all spend ££ on each other, and it is expected that we do it in return.
His family are not any richer, but they are happy to spend money they dont really have on silly presents.

duckdodgers · 04/11/2011 12:11

As much as I adore Christmas and probably do spend too much, its all just on my boys and DH Grin Anyone that says they "have" to buy presents for 60 people probably just wants to feel more important e.g I know all these wonderful people that I need to buy presents for and they will buy me, arent I popular kind of thing.

lesley33 · 04/11/2011 12:11

I know people who buy for loads of people in extended families. Seems unnecessary to me and a lot of pressure. We do secret santa for 2 groups of friends - maximum £3. Its more fun imo as you can get silly or joky things and not worry about wasting money. And then I just buy for immediate family.

I have found over the years that most peopel are relieved if you suggest either not buying presents or putting a limit on it. We introduced secret santa after 1 friend really wanted to buy presents for everyone and did, making everyone feel they had to reciprocate - and then also for others in group. It can get really out of hand very easily.

I do think with kids though I am happy to spend a lot of money - but not to get into large debts.

Robotindisguise · 04/11/2011 12:12

With both my sister's family and my best friend's family I only buy for the children these days. Which is just as well as they have three children apiece so that's quite enough!

EssexGurl · 04/11/2011 12:15

YANBU. I hate the whole conspicuous consumption thing of Christmas and "having" to buy lots of presents for people. My little circle of friends no longer buy for each other or the kids. This year we are all going out in the Christmas holidays to take the kids bowling or skating. So the kids will get a treat and the mums will have a coffee and a chat. Much better than yet more plastic tat we don't need!! When I do buy presents it tends to be posh chocolates and wine that will be enjoyed.

Original poster
CarrieInAnotherBabi · 04/11/2011 12:19

essexgurl i quite agree id much rather have a nice afternoon out.

OP posts:
Ephiny · 04/11/2011 12:25

It's a shame if people are feeling they have to spend that much, regardless of whether they can afford it. I can't imagine buying presents for 60 people! And I'd much rather not have a present at all than have someone get into debt or be stressed about it, there's just no need.

We tend to do just token presents for adults so there's no pressure on anyone, and if anyone wants to splash out then they can get nice things for the children. Secret Santa can be a good way for the adults as well.

Original poster
CarrieInAnotherBabi · 04/11/2011 12:30

alolt of my friends are horrified dh and i dont really et each other anything, its not that we don't want to, just if we both spend on each other then we have less to spend on holidays andweekend aways etc.
which we both prefer so it suits us.

however in years to come when we are better off we will buy each other gifts, but i'd rather not comprimise leasuire money buy spending it on gifts for each other.

OP posts:
CatherineWheel · 04/11/2011 12:36

I'm buying for DH, my parents and siblings and my best mate (DH buying for his parents and siblings). They'll probaby get us something, but we've told them just to get sth for DD (she'll be 11 months) - we've got her a rocking horse from asda at £20 (I know as they get older, they'll want more!!!). I'll probably spend about £100.

About to email my aunt - we always exchange tokens that we don't really need/want - and suggest leaving it this year. I know she'll be fine/relieved, but I still feel grinchy!

Astronaut79 · 04/11/2011 12:42

We all agreed, as a family, to stop getting presents for each other a few years ago - especially as it ended up being a giant game of 'pass the voucher'. People only now buy for the youngest members of the family - the latest generation I suppose. Most of us just don't need any more stuff, and I always found it quite stressful trying to think of things to buy.

Dh and I used to spend a tenner each, but can't even be arsed with that now Dcs are here (one DS and an almost). I think as they grow up, we'll start buying each other somethign so they don't feel we're being left out.

We'll exchange a token gift with sister and BIL - bottle of wine and choc. Ds is getting a couple of things, but at 2, he'd actually be happier with a blooody big stick and a pile of mud. Grin

Want2bSupermum · 04/11/2011 12:44

We spend a lot on Christmas because we budget for it and can afford it. We don't get stressed and the money is mainly spent on activity gifts for children and the PIL get a flight to visit us. We also donate to our local charity and include that in our christmas gift budget.

Totally unreasonable to go into debt buying gifts and the mind boggles that she is buying 60 gifts! Send a card and move on.

spiderpig8 · 04/11/2011 12:57

i THINK YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF THE FINANCIAL BURDON YOU ARE INFLICTING ON OTHERS.cAN ALL OF THOSE 60 PEOPLE AFFORD TO RECIPROCATE?

notcitrus · 04/11/2011 13:00

YANBU.

Christmas is going to be a bit stressful trying to see family and friends and make small children's faces light up and cook a great meal and deal with it being dark and cold, no matter how much one enjoys it. Worrying about money if you can avoid it is just daft, IMO.

We will be spending on a tree (about £40 but it's a luxury that means a lot to me) and probably £50 on food. BIL will bring a turkey, ILs will bring wine, and there will be cheap presents and functional ones and stockings for the kids - I'm having to stop myself buying up half of 99p Stores with all the things that would be both cheap and fun in stockings! Adults get presents but are usually paperback books, possibly second-hand.

I hate the 'gift set' aisles that appear in shops before Christmas - if you don't know someone well enough to get them something personal, don't bother. They probably don't want to feel they have to reciprocate either!

The main financial problem I used to have at Christmas was the number of get-togethers and parties that I was invited to - even declining half of them would mean a lot of nights out buying food and drink. One advantage of small children is I can't go, which works out as saving a fortune! :)

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