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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave sleeping toddler lie and take elder son's PE kit to school once he wakes up?

28 replies

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 09:57

Have had the week from hell due to excessively grumpy 8yo in large part plus usual toddler tantrums. DS8 and I discussed three times this morning he needed his PE kit, having packed it carefully last night, he still didn't take it. He has a list he uses each day to tell him what to pick up as leaving house. This system works unless DS is grumpy when he won't look at list.

School called me just as toddler falling asleep to say could I just pop it in, I said I could but not immediately.

I know DS8 will be annoyed but I think a) that's why we have a list and we work out what we need and we remind you and b) if I wake up toddler I will miss my brain-saving time and am likely to end up in a frazzled grump shouting like a fishwife later.

AIBU to leave sleeping toddler to lie even though result could be DS8 will have to wear pants to do PE today?

OP posts:

MrsCarriePooter · 03/11/2011 09:59

Definitely YANBU. It won't kill him if he has to do it in his pants and it may help him remember in the future.

HettyAmaretti · 03/11/2011 10:07

YANBU. Maybe best to phone the school back though.

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 10:14

I did tell the school, I got a slightly cross 'hmmm' from the secretary.

OP posts:

PopcornMouse · 03/11/2011 10:16

I would sooooo not be trapsing down to the school for a grumpy, unappreciative 8yo that will not learn to read his list . YANBU!

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 10:19

A slightly cross 'hmm' from the secretary - cheeky cow!!

He's 8, you have a system in place so things like this don't happen - he refuses to look at it, he suffers the consequences - whether this is doing it in his pants or missing out and doing detention or whatever. Now is as good a time as any to start learning a bit of responsibility for his actions.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 10:20

I can't believe the school actually rang to ask you to bring this for him - madness.

ladyintheradiator · 03/11/2011 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4madboys · 03/11/2011 10:25

god they rang you? our school have a box of spare kit if a child needs to use it but i send my kids in with their pe kit on a monday, they hang it on their peg and then it is there if they need it and then they bring it home for a wash on friday :) this seems a simple solution and it works for us, our school actually tel you to do this as although they have set PE lessons they often do extra PE so its helpful if the kids have their kits there all week and they are on hand if they want to take them to do some extra they do :)

Helennn · 03/11/2011 10:25

Totally agree with chipping. Sounds like your son knows you will bring it in for him so he can behave like this and not pay the consequences. I would ring the school and tell them something has come up and you won't be bringing it in, your son will have to learn the hard way.

My son is now at big school, a friend was telling me her son is always ringing her up and getting her to bring things in for him because he has forgotten, and of course she does it. I refuse, and he has only forgotten one thing so far - if not he will get a detention. Sorry to sound like miss know it all, but I think you need to nip this in the bud now.

Fennel · 03/11/2011 10:31

Just pretend you are at work and so can't take it. Working parents aren't going to nip home and take the PE kit in.

Our primary has regularly phoned me at work to tell me that my now 11yo hasn't handed in her lunch ticket. (she's got the tickets in her bag, she just forgets to hand them in, but instead of forcing her to go and get them the staff phone me at work instead . I don't know what they think I'm going to do about it.

I suggested they just didn't give her lunch if she can't be bothered to fetch her lunch tickets for them.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 03/11/2011 10:31

He's 8, let him deal with the consequences of having to do it in his pants.

What do the school expect, especially if parents work out of the home? They can just swan out of a meeting for e.g. nip home and take it to school? Ridiculous!

I think if you have a sleeping toddler, some very much needed break time for yourself, and your son is 8 and you have measures in place to help him remember then it's tough!

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 10:33

TBH, I want to take it in later as he has a club after school and I want him to go (so he's not at home arguing over duplo configuration with a two year old), he's not allowed without kit. So I've decided he has to suffer the annoyance of lost property kit for lesson and then I'll take it up as I'll be pretty near school at toddler group this aft.

He is generally good with his remembering and I have never taken kit to school before but I agree about consequences. I'm a tough old bird about this sort of stuff overall.

Sometimes I wish I worked rather than being at home because then I wouldn't get asked 'could you just' by the school, it would be impossible. I think what got me was that I have no reason other than teaching him a lesson not to take it, and I didn't know if I was BU to stand my ground. I am pleased to hear that my approach is more common that the school secretary makes out.

OP posts:

Dawndonna · 03/11/2011 10:34

Sod the secretary, not her business to question your parenting style. He forgoes the p.e. kit. He's forgotten it, ergo his problem not yours. If you take it in he will not learn to be responsible for his own stuff.
I have three sn kids. There is a timetable for each of them on the back door, each evening they are sent to check it and to prepare for the following day. If they forget, tough! Trust me, it's rare that things are forgotten.
However, I did sit them down at about eight and say this is what's happening, you have one chance. Once I'd got a call and said No, they learnt.

startail · 03/11/2011 10:47

YANBU!

Sevenfold · 03/11/2011 10:48

i wouldn't take it
let hm get a punishment and he might remember next time

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/11/2011 10:50

I wouldnt take it in at all, they will have a spare set somewhere if he can use. You can bet though he will remember tomorrow and if he doesnt........spares again!! No way would I traipse back to school just for a PE Kit!

Munkiii · 03/11/2011 10:52

You are absolutely not BU.

And the attitude of the secretary sucks.

Here,

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 10:58

Thanks for the , I am now enjoying it with flapjack whilst feeling happily un-unreasonable as decreed by MN!

The secretary is actually quite strange, my DH always says 'remember who said it and what she's like' as her delivery can be quite off. I think she can't cope with upset kids so harrasses me so she doesn't have to look at the weeping face of my little toerag angel.

OP posts:

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 11:07

School secretary needs to get a bloody grip!

Just remember the other MN 'word of advice' ... 'No' is a whole sentence!! I can't believe you actually typed Sometimes I wish I worked rather than being at home because then I wouldn't get asked 'could you just' by the school - fgs don't let them make you feel like that!! Have another and think on!

I can see why you are taking his kit in later - but can't he use the one he's using for PE for that too??

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 11:19

I can see I need to practice my 'no' - I think this has been a good lesson for me actually because I do feel that I would find it easy to say I can't cos I'm busy/working/at the docs or yes if I'm feeling generous, but I actually find it quite hard to say (in my head, rather than explaining all this to the poor secretary of course) I could do that but I am not going to because you DS should have remembered and it is tough titties on you if you are now crying - which could be neatly summed up by saying no .

Sadly he can't use school stuff as not a school club, just held at the school IYSWIM.

No is a sentence, no is a sentence, no is a sentence - am having a good think chipping I promise! Off to put kettle on for and self-reflection.

OP posts:

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 11:23

Wow - what a break through Have another flapjack too on the back of that!!

I'll permit you to take his after school kit up later, for your benefit but if he enjoys going, tell him this is a one off and in future - no kit no go!! and hope like hell he doesn't forget again

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 11:25

Just to add - I can say the tough stuff directly to DS, but today felt uncomfortable sending that message to/via a judgey 3rd party.

I am no pushover with my kids, but I can see I do worry about what other people think of me, I hadn't actually really realised this til today so It's been a good learning opportunity for me!

OP posts:

Original poster

duvetdayplease · 03/11/2011 11:27

Ooooh, I will shut up in a second I promise but feel like I have had a little epiphany, its brilliant. Its a small step for mumkind but a big step for duvetday!

Thanks x

OP posts:

spiderpig8 · 03/11/2011 14:12

They won't make him do it in pants!

Helennn · 03/11/2011 14:56

Our school secretary is just the opposite to yours. She has told a friend of mine off (virtually) for mollycoddling her son, saying that when they get to comprehenesive they won't get reminders and let off, they'll get a detention and that they need to get themselves organised.

So, if you're struggling to say no another time, just pretend you've got our secretary and think what she would say

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