Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to throw my partners clothes out in bin bags...

47 replies

Happylander · 03/11/2011 09:26

My partner told me over the phone on Monday that he has left me. Totally out the blue. Two weekends before he was raving about he excited he was to be going on the skiing holiday I had booked and paid for that previous month and how much he was looking forward to marrying me legally (had a commitment ceremony last year..long story!) so I really wasn't expecting it. I have begged for him to talk to me face to face but he refused and I have begged for a second chance and to try Relate but again he has refused.

He had not expressed he was unhappy at all. I have not been the easiest person to be around as I have quite bad PTSD from a very traumatic birth of our son, have had a General Medical Council hearing in regards to the birth held last month and also an ongoing medical negligence claim. Oh and he doesn't live with me during week as he is in army and I work two nights a week and a long day as well as look after our toddler so lots of stresses for me and very little sleep. I have not been the same bright bubbly person he first met.

So was I unreasonable to throw his clothes out (I did put them in bin bags and cover them in a tarpaulin so they wouldn't get wet) when I found a trip to the cinema and a hotel bill that I knew nothing about on his bank statement yesterday???? He seems to think I was, I think he is lucky I didn't burn it.

He also thinks he is entitled to half of any compensation I am going to get despite walking out while I am still sick. Plus he has not paid his half the mortgage this month and is saying he isn't going to.

OP posts:
ecclesvet · 03/11/2011 09:29

Yes, YWBU. It's an understandable response in what sounds like a pretty emotional, stressful time, but it doesn't change the fact that you could have acted a little more civilly.

Flisspaps · 03/11/2011 09:31

YANBU.

Happylander · 03/11/2011 09:33

I put them outside to pick up later on that day as I did not want him the house. Really you think that is bloody unreasonable

OP posts:
D0G · 03/11/2011 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 03/11/2011 09:35

I think he's bloody lucky you didn't burn it. You poor thing - I'm sorry.

If you're not married I don't see how he's going to be entitled to your compensation - you may need to post something in Legal re that and the mortgage situation, or speak to CAB.

Heavensmells · 03/11/2011 09:36

YANBU. It's hard to be civil when you've been hurt like you have.

valiumredhead · 03/11/2011 09:37

Well of course HE'S going to say that was unreasonable but he hasn't exactly behaved reasonably, has he? So who cares what the pillock thinks!

NinkyNonker · 03/11/2011 09:37

Yanbu, at all.

dutchmanswife · 03/11/2011 09:37

Seriously,act more civily! How badly does he need to behave?

YANBU, in this situation whatever makes you feel better.

akaemmafrost · 03/11/2011 09:38

Oh Dear, oh dear. What a knob! So many of them on MN this morning I have to say.

No YANBU, not in the least little bit. Why should you keep his crap cluttering up the place under these circumstances?

Entitled to your compensation? He sounds very entitled full stop, in all areas.

Happylander · 03/11/2011 09:38

He is still married to his first wife who he split from before he met me. She has been very difficult with divorce.

I have been trying to get through to CAB since yesterday but only answer machine.

OP posts:
FiniteIncantatem · 03/11/2011 09:39

I wouldn't have acted 'a little more civilly', I'm guessing that the cinema trip and hotel suggests to you that he's got someone else? It's certainly what I'd be suspecting.
You were kind enough to cover his stuff with tarpaulin and he can stuff any assumed entitlement, he's left you with your baby and refused to pay his half of the mortgage. He is a Twunt.

Hassled · 03/11/2011 09:41

So he's married to someone else and he doesn't live in the same house as you most of the time but yet he thinks he's entitled to compensation for something that happened to you?

I know you're not at the place yet where you will believe this but really, you're well shot. You can do so much better.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 03/11/2011 09:42

YANBU - he's lucky you put them in bags and not on a bonfire.

Sorry to hear he's been such a shit when you are already going through so much :(

I hope he wont be entitled to any of your compensation, but you will need proper legal advice on that one.

HildaOgden · 03/11/2011 09:42

YANBU.If he was that bothered about his stuff,he could have collected them himself and spoken to you face to face.

You're well rid of him,love.Keep your strength for your own battles,not for looking after his interests.

Boysrstupid · 03/11/2011 09:46

YANBU.
I would have been inclined to cut them into tiny pieces and force feed them to the fuka via every available orifice.

Be stong! Oh & if u even consider sharing your compo with the selfish spineless sod, I will personally hunt you down and give you a very disappointed look.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/11/2011 09:54

If he was that bothered about his stuff, he'd have taken it with him at the end of the weekend. Oh, but that would have meant actually having to tell you he was breaking up with you to your face! Pillock. (him, not you)

You are well shot of this loser.

You mentioned the mortgage - is his name on the deeds? You need to focus on that; forget his clothes, he's got them back now and in far better condition than he deserved.

He cannot make a claim on your compensation.

Happylander · 03/11/2011 09:56

The worse thing is though that despite it being very distressing and upsetting for me I asked my friend to let him while I hid in another room so he could spend some time with our son. I hid because I did not want our son to see his mum extremely upset and was not sure how I would react. He stayed 10 mins. 10 fucking minutes he hasn't seen him in a week and half.

OP posts:
Happylander · 03/11/2011 09:58

His name is on the deeds and it is a joint mortgage. According to the deedds he is only entitled to 18%. We did this to prevent his wife having any claim to it. He put no deposit into house, I have paid for all furniture and renovations. I have no idea about how to go about changing all of this and my head, which is normally so switched on, is totally bolloxed!

OP posts:
HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 03/11/2011 10:03

YANBU

i wouldn't have put them in a bag might have emptied the litter tray over them too

Happylander · 03/11/2011 10:38

If only I had a cat LOL

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 03/11/2011 10:41

Yabu to have not set fire to them.

I hope you can move forward and be happy :)

DoesNotGiveAFig · 03/11/2011 10:46

YANBU.

I get the impression eeclesvet is just out to piss people off - saw a similarly "provoking" shall we say, comment of theirs on another thread.

Hardgoing · 03/11/2011 10:48

Oh dear, you poor thing. I can totally understand why you reacted the way that you did, I'd also point out that he doens't live there most of the time so there's little debate over who needs to leave the shared home, and so putting his things out is more than reasonable. It's highly unlikely he went to the cinema and a hotel on his own:(

But, instead of worrying how you are going to hurt him, I would put all your energies into protecting you. You desperately need some legal advice plus probably advice on benefits/CSA. I don't know the legal ins and out of it, but there are plenty on here that do plus could you ask a friend who is good for legal advice/take a free half hour just to get you started.

I can't imagine he would get any compensation claim money as you are not married.

HeatSeekingMelons · 03/11/2011 10:58

YWNBU at all! I think you were being v restrained.

On the other point re your compensation, if the claim is connected to you and your care only, then I can't see how he has any right to a % of the payment. If some is connected to the care your DC received, then he might have some claim but I would insist the money was used only for your DC's needs, or kept in trust for your DC's future. It can't be used to spend on himself.

What an arse he is!

Swipe left for the next trending thread