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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think letting agent shouldn't have entered the house when dsd's were the only ones up.

134 replies

FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 18:54

Agent called in at about 9am to inspect house (we have no idea if we forgot this appt. or if they forget to tell us) DH was still asleep after working a late night. Eldest dd (12) answered the door and agent asked to come in to do house inspection. Dd said dad was asleep and she didn't want to wake him. The agent asked to come in anyway. So did.

I feel very uncomfortable with the fact he did this. I don't prescribe to the pedophile on every corner train of thought but I am pissed off he came in anyway knowing the adult in the house was unavaliable.

I also think he was very stupid to put himself in the position of being alone with two young girls, as a teacher I am aware of the possibility of false allegations. This being why you are advised not to be in a closed classroom with a student.

I'm also pissed off that when dh rang to tell him that we weren't comfortable with what happened he didn't take it seriously at all.

We will discuss with dsds about not letting anyone into the house they don't know. I can't imagine that they haven't been told it before but may need reminding.

Would I be unreasonable to follow up the phone call with an email as dh was left feeling dismissed or am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 20:41

How was that arsey? Confused

Arsey ... for what it is worth ... would have been

'FFS read the thread Hmm'

Smile
Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 20:44

Well to be fair my arse is quite large, making me rather arsey. I have just mentioned several times that speaking to the dsds is going to happen so I'm not sure why you asked.

OP posts:
DodieSmith · 01/11/2011 21:07

YABU

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:08

Thanks Dodi :)

OP posts:
DodieSmith · 01/11/2011 21:14

I think it's a shame that men should be made to feel uncomfortable being alone with children. If you're not the sort of person who sees a pedophile on every corner then don't act like one. Pretending that it's for his own benefit, to be safe from false allegations, contributes to the current climate.

RevoltingPeasant · 01/11/2011 21:17

This is reminding me..... a few months back, our LA did an inspection. I had recently had surgery and was having to sleep nights propped up in in the spare bed with pillows - under the duvet, obviously.

I was downstairs in the kitchen and the LA went up on her own - I heard a horrified gasp - she came back down and 'I'm so sorry, I've just come across a man asleep in your spare room!'

How we larfed.......

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:21

Dodie have you read the whole thread? If you would like to see it that way then please do, as a woman and a teacher I will not place myself in a situation where I could make a child uncomfortable or put myself in a position where I am in a house alone without the children's parents present or awake. Man or woman, I really don't care.

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RevoltingPeasant · 01/11/2011 21:21

And in response to the OP - dunno how your agents work, but every LA I have ever rented with work things like this: they send you a letter saying they are going to inspect the property on x date, and IF you have a problem with it you should get in touch - but otherwise they will turn up then and use their own keys to get in if no one is in.

LAs almost always inspect when we are at work; we would never even know they'd been.

I bet from the young man's point of view, someone at the office said, 'Right, you're looking at such and such house today' - he is probably not the one sending out the letters and just said 'Fine' - he is used to turning up at properties with no one in - so when he turned up and a middle-school-aged girl answered and said he could come in, he thought nothing of it.

I don't personally think there is a CP issue here: young girls can be alone with men, afaik. And I think all this stuff about tenants giving permission is wrong - they take silence as consent - they will simply claim they sent the letter and I don't see how OP can contest that.

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:24

As for the 'current climate' really what current climate? The one the media perpetuates? I don't come at it from that pov at all. I am in the position to have been given many years of child protection training and advices. That is the only thing that colours my views.

OP posts:
Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:28

He wasn't a young man, no young men at our LA. I have no problem with them coming in when we aren't there. If you read back you'll see that I have decided how to respond to them, won't be snotty about it in any way. I also mention that indeed neither of us can prove if the letter was sent or received. I don't feel comfortable with a stranger entering my home when only my dsds are awake. I think that's an okay way to feel without freaking out about it. No?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 01/11/2011 21:30

Okay then Font - Yanbu.

Happy now?

PartyPooperz · 01/11/2011 21:34

Font Do they not have your email address so they can email future letters to you and you can confirm/rearrange? That way both parties can confirm receipt and have something to refer back to.

YANBU. If the letter had been sent, and the contract does not require anything further (response/confirmation from tenants) I think the LA should have requested DSD to wake her dad up - seeing as he was the tenant. PITA but better for LA to speak to him direct - and surely he didn't manage to inspect your bedroom unless DP is a heavy sleeper!

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:36

:) Bibbity, well if YOU say I'm am then I must be. Are you happy now? It's been a pretty even split of yabu and yanbu. If you read my earlier post regarding the email I intend to send then you will see that actually I have been prepared to see that I didn't need to be as annoyed as I was.

That still doesn't mean I have to feel comfortable with strangers entering the house when it's just my dsds and their fast asleep father. Is that something that you'd be comfortable with then? If so, that's fine for you, dull world if we all agreed.

OP posts:
Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:38

Party, I agree a phone call text or email to confirm makes far more sense. We really didn't recieve a letter about it in the last couple of months.

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 01/11/2011 21:42

OP - just to be clear - I don't think YABU to feel put out, but I do think you will get nowhere with contacting agents. IME they are singularly stubborn and on professionalspeak autopilot.

But maybe I am just cynical!

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:45

Actually peasant, you are probably right. I'm losing the will to fight anyway, sometimes you just need a good aibu to cool your boots. :)

OP posts:
DodieSmith · 01/11/2011 21:46

You have not said that your DD felt uncomfortable. Which is why it seems you are making a fuss over nothing.

DodieSmith · 01/11/2011 21:49

I suppose that's it. If my DD was 12 and my DH was asleep in the house I would think that was pretty low risk.

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:51

No, I feel uncomfortable with a stranger in my home with my dsd's whilst their dad was asleep. I haven't spoken to her about it yet as I was away for most of the weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 21:52

That's fine, it's okay for us to disagree. Doesn't make either of us a better or worse parent/step parent.

OP posts:
DodieSmith · 01/11/2011 21:58
Smile
PartyPooperz · 01/11/2011 22:03

I don't think it has to be fear of paedos on every corner that makes the LA in the wrong. I know DSD is 12 but I wouldn't instruct any DCs of that age to let a stranger in to the house or leave them to wait in for a stranger to visit. There was a thread on here a while ago about someone thinking the Sky installer had stolen jewellery (he hadn't it turned out I think!) - if anything went missing after LA was in house it would cause problems and suspicion on both DSD and LA.

It's just not appropriate for the LA to consider a 12 year old girl who is not the tenant capable of giving permission for him/her to enter the property. It's a slapdash way of 'making' appointments (who sends a letter and acts on their suggestion in the letter despite having no response? I might pop a letter through my neighbour's door with a fiver offering to buy their lovely new car and then help myself when I haven't heard from them within 24 hours if this is how it works!) and it does open them up to potential accusations e.g. theft or damage to property if they want to do inspections unsupervised by the tenant.

Is their right of inspection unsupervised? Does the LA have their own key? I suspect no to both or they wouldn't bother 'making' appointments.

Purpleroses · 01/11/2011 22:42

If your DSD is the only person awake in the house and her DD sleeps too soundly to wake for the door, then you need to make sure she is briefed as to whether she should answer it to strangers and whether she should let them in. If you're not happy with her letting strangers in, it's her that needs to know this - not every possible caller.

Letting agents are not required to be CRB checked, nor are they breaking any laws if entering a house when invited to do so as far as I'm aware.

Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 22:55

Oh, you know what, this whole thread i've been confused between letting agents and VAMPIRES....it's vampires that you're not supposed to invite into your home isn't it. Duh. Silly me.

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Original poster
FontOfAllEvil · 01/11/2011 22:58

Purple, it has been said several many many many times on thread and in op that dsds will be spoken to about letting strangers into house.

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