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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being livid that school sent DS, 8, home whilst I was talking to his teacher

55 replies

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 16:53

I was called in to speak to DS' teacher today at 3 about a playground incident, school finishes at 3:30. When I arrive I ask how DS has been in class today and am told that she hasn't been in the classroom due to personal commitments today. She goes on to discuss the incident - basically a game that got out of hand resulting in another boy getting hurt - we're chatting for quite a while when I notice the time and ask if DS is definitely aware that I am in with her, she says yes and carries on talking. I manage to "escape" at just before 4pm and make a dash for DS classroom, other teacher in there says that DS has gone home! I find him in tears having come back to school thinking, his words, he'd never see me again. I am furious about the lack of communication but not sure what to do.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 01/11/2011 17:46

Maybe the teacher thought he would come and find you? did he know were abouts in the school you would be?

It just sounds like a mix up to me

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:48

At my school, children have to sign out with the teacher and the teacher has to see the adult the child is going with.

If you want your DC to go home alone you give special permission via letter, and this is only year 6s.

It strikes me that the school needs a better system, but given the system they have (ie trusting 8 year olds to know what they are meant to be doing, which does beg a question) then this particular incident is consistent with how the school works and so not really their fault ...

that is about as clear as mud

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 01/11/2011 17:48

I can imagine that he got himself into a real state. I'd be furious too. It is a combination of the school and him though, so I would calmly ask the school about procedure and drill your Ds in what to do if you're not there. And then have some Wine.

smokinaces · 01/11/2011 17:54

You need to find out why he walked home alone. At the end of the day, you could have been in an accident on the way to the school and then what would happen? He should be aware at the age of 8 that if his parent isnt there to meet him (which is your arrangement) that he goes to the office and asks for them to ring his parent/s.

You cant blame the school entirely for this. YANBU to be a bit miffed that they didnt remind him, but YABU to blame the school for your son choosing to walk home alone.

worraliberty · 01/11/2011 18:00

My 8yr old simply wouldn't have left the school.

He's not allowed to walk home and he knows it....therefore he would have told his teacher this and they would have taken him to wait in the office.

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 18:03

Mine wouldn't either

Clayhead · 01/11/2011 18:04

My 8 year old ds is allowed out onto the playground at the end of the day. He finds me or waits until I get there if I'm delayed by a few minutes.

I would have very strong words with him if he walked home alone, he knows he is not to do this.

lisad123 · 01/11/2011 18:13

I would be having serious words with school! I live alone way from school and dd1 who is 8 could never walk home alone at this age.
However, he should have gone back so maybe a word with ds is in order too x

Floggingmolly · 01/11/2011 18:15

At 8, they're still only released to their parents or carers at our school. You would have to give your express written permission for your child to be allowed out independently, and it would be looked on askance if you did, tbh. Follow it up tomorrow and demand to know why it was allowed.

Clayhead · 01/11/2011 18:16

Am genuinely shocked at the number of schools where juniors aren't allowed out on their own at the end of school! I thought that was the norm.

Learn something new and all that...

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 18:19

Clayhead - yes, I'm surprised, the other way round IYSWIM. I'm in central London, maybe that's why schools are more cautious

AvonCallingBarksdale · 01/11/2011 18:21

I think communication seems to have broken down at the school, OP, but I would really be talking to your DS about why he walked home without you. My DS would go to the school office or find one of the mum's that I know and get her to call me if he couldn't see me in our usual place. That's what he and I have agreed.

DejaWho · 01/11/2011 18:22

You sound hideously resentful that she's been out of class for PERSONAL committments (ffs she could have been to a funeral or midwife or anything - how dare she).

It's about 50/50 round here of juniors getting dismissed freely/still being handed over btw - so neither's massively rare.

Mandy2003 · 01/11/2011 18:28

At DS's old primary school (not in London or any inner city), they weren't allowed to go home on their own till Yr5 (10 years old and over). Classes would be brought out to the playground and children could only go once an adult claimed them.

tearsbeforebreakfast · 01/11/2011 18:30

If school finishes at 3.30, why would you keep talking for half an hour? Where did you think your child would be, with the after school babysitting fairies? Hmm

CurrySpice · 01/11/2011 18:35

Oh poor mite :(

However, I think he also needs a bit of a chat about not leaving school premises without his designated adult.

DD2 (also 8) knows that if by some freak incident I'm not there at 3:20, she should find my best mate or go into the office and never ever leave school alone.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 02/11/2011 17:14

I would be fuming! At my dcs school each child is released to an adult at that age!

fedupandtired · 02/11/2011 17:32

I'd say it was more down to your DS than the teacher tbh.

At our school once they're in year 4 (so 8yrs old) there is no teacher looking out for their parent and some do walk home on their own.

If I wasn't where I was expected to be I'd have been furious if my 8 and 9 yr old took it upon themselves to walk home - furious with them, not the school.

Have you not said to him to wait if you're not there/running late or have you agreed that he walks home alone?

Don't think you can blame the school though.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 02/11/2011 17:38

YABU and I wouldn't blame the school here.

You didn't have a plan for what might happen if you weren't there to meet your ds for whatever reason. He shouldn't have left by himself but if you've not told him as much than you can't really blame him.

Also, if they'd sent him home then you'd be right to be livid - but they didn't. They just let him leave the classroom - which is perfectly usual for a child his age.

MWB22 · 02/11/2011 18:28

You said your son knew you were talking to the teacher about an incident, so he probably had a pretty good idea what it was about. I've known children do a rapid disappearing act from school when they know mum or dad is in talking about something they've done. Without laying any blame, as games do get out of hand, your son has hurt another child, maybe he feels that he was in trouble hence the leaving school?

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/11/2011 10:03

I love the way people on here expect so much from young children. At 7 you would consider him too young to be let out of the classroom without a parent, but at 8 you would expect that he be let out without anyone there to meet him when he's not used to that, and to make the correct and mature decision about what to do about it! He probably thought he was doing the best thing to take himself home, until he got scared of course, as many 8yos would. A switch doesn't flick when a child has their 8th birthday!

Even if he hadn't of gone home by himself he would have still been hanging around for half hour in a deserted playgroud by himself. That's not acceptable. The school knew his mum might be late yet didn't ensure that an adult would be with him until his mum got there.

I would complain OP.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/11/2011 10:07

I think MWB22 might to on to something there.

WhoseGot - by Y3 I would expect a child to know what to do if nobody turned up to collect them - it's something you discuss, surely? Other than in particular circumstances I certainly wouldn't expect teachers to be handing children over one-by-one.

Moominsarescary · 03/11/2011 10:24

Ds2 is 8 they let them out into the playground as soon as they start juniors. There have been times I have been abit late and ds just goes back into the reception to wait

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 03/11/2011 11:03

How did Grovee know that OPs son was 8 before OP said that he was 8, see page one?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 03/11/2011 11:06

It's in the thread title, wellies Grin

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