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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for being livid that school sent DS, 8, home whilst I was talking to his teacher

55 replies

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 16:53

I was called in to speak to DS' teacher today at 3 about a playground incident, school finishes at 3:30. When I arrive I ask how DS has been in class today and am told that she hasn't been in the classroom due to personal commitments today. She goes on to discuss the incident - basically a game that got out of hand resulting in another boy getting hurt - we're chatting for quite a while when I notice the time and ask if DS is definitely aware that I am in with her, she says yes and carries on talking. I manage to "escape" at just before 4pm and make a dash for DS classroom, other teacher in there says that DS has gone home! I find him in tears having come back to school thinking, his words, he'd never see me again. I am furious about the lack of communication but not sure what to do.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 01/11/2011 16:54

How old is he?

Groovee · 01/11/2011 17:09

He's 8 and at 8 a lot of children still get picked up. I'd be bringing this up with the school tomorrow.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:09

He's 8

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JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:13

I don't know what the italics are for.

It is bad form that he was allowed to go without you - doesn't he have to "sign out" with the teacher when he sees you? Or what system do they have?

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:16

Do kids this age have permission to go home alone?

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:16

groovee that's what I thought but aware there's not a lot that can be done now!

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Proudnscary · 01/11/2011 17:17

I don't really know where to start with most of your post...but you are not being unreasonable to be upset that ds went home on his own without you knowing and I'd take it up with the school.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:18

Jamie italics were to just stress the vagueness of why she hadn't been in the classroom. Not especially relevant but since you asked...

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ByTheWay1 · 01/11/2011 17:18

Is he used to going home alone?

My 9 year old would wait at school no matter how long I was gone.

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:21

Well, the reason I mention it is that it comes over a bit that you resent the fact.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:22

proud the issue I'm concerned about is that nobody had reminded him mum was seeing his teacher and to wait as you would expect. Just not sure if at 8, that's something they ate bothered about - is it more that once the bell goes they're no longer the responsibility of the school or do I have a case to complain to the school

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Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:24

Oh no, don't resent it but would expect her to have spoken to whoever was taking her class instead - and mentioned that she was seeing me perhaps. That's what I mean though, am I right to expect that?

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JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:26

Did he know you were meeting the teacher? Are they normally allowed home on their own at this age - I'm quite surprised if so - most schools it seems to be Year 6.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:27

By the way no, he never goes home alone - he could if he wanted to as we live v near and there's a lollipop lady but he can be a bit sensitive and likes me to meet him, i always have done so I imagine he was confused that I wasn't there.

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usualsuspect · 01/11/2011 17:28

Did he know you were meeting his teacher today?

Proudnscary · 01/11/2011 17:29

Not sure why you directed that at me since I said you were NBU.

But the rest of your post is a bit muddled.

Joyn · 01/11/2011 17:33

My ds is 8 & I would be furious if school sent him home on his own. IMO unless you have given permission & told the school your child is allowed to go home on his own they shouldnt let them go (at least not until yr5/6 anyway). Has he ever gone home on his own before? Totally sounds like the schools in the wrong to me, but, if he hasn't how come he didn't go to the school office & tell them no one had come to pick him up? That's what I've told my kids to do if Im not there for some reason.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:37

proud sorry, on phone and just read not sure where to start with my post, realised it sounded a bit disjointed. Thanks, I didn't think they should send them home bit I think they do regardless of whether parents/carers are there. It's not right - there should be more of a system in place.

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neolara · 01/11/2011 17:38

I think whether you are reasonable to be livid or not it might depend on what the normal "being let out of the classroom" procedure is. My dd is in Year 3 and kids are allowed to go out into the playground independently to meet their parents but if the parents are not there, they are instructed to come back into the classroom and tell the teacher. Therefore, if the situation you describe had occurred in my dd's school, I think I would hold my dd at fault for not following instructions and I would have been bloody cross with her for not doing what she was told. However, it might be different in your ds's school, in which case you might have a point.

MonstrouslyNarkyPuffin · 01/11/2011 17:38

There's no need for the 'personal commitments' comment. She could have been eg at a funeral and doesn't need to discuss it with parents.

The mix up about telling your DS is bad, but by the age of 8 I'd expect a NT 8 year old who is always picked up to wait at school or tell a teacher, not wander home and back. You need to talk to him about what to do if you're late.

JamieComeHome · 01/11/2011 17:38

Sorry for the questions, but

Are all the children in his class allowed home with no questions asked?

Do you have to give special permission for your child to go home alone?

Does the school know which are being picked up and which are going home on their own, on any given day i.e - do they just let the DCs out of the class and leave them to it?

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:38

He knew I was seeing his teacher but can be forgetful, I'm shocked he actually went home and not to the office but I guess he was confused and upset

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AvonCallingBarksdale · 01/11/2011 17:42

DS has just started at juniors (yr3) and I found the change between this and infants quite surprising. They are let out at going home time and then they find their adult. You have to give the school written permission if they are going to walk home alone but in reality once they've left the school gate the teachers can't see them. Some parents arrange different picking up places - bike shed, water fountain for ex. My point is that this seems to be quite the norm at juniors. I'm surprised your DS went all the way home, though, if, as you say, he's sensitive and likes you to meet him. It might be worth agreeing with him a set meeting point for future if you lose each other by accident.

Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:42

Jamie I know a couple of kids who walk home alone, mine never has but also not aware there is any special permission required if he did. Teachers generally let them out without checking parents are there / knowing arrangements

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Original poster

AugustMoon · 01/11/2011 17:44

monstrous fair comment

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