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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DP to clean while I am away

26 replies

BullyBeefBadgers · 01/11/2011 13:37

I went away with DD for a week - came back and DP not done any cleaning. AIBU to pull him up on this?

OP posts:
FlyingPirates · 01/11/2011 13:38

Deep cleaning? Or generally? Was there a weeks worth of dishes/ pot/pans and clothes to be washed? How was the bathroom? Picked up but not gleaming or was there towels al over the floor? How did you leave the house?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2011 13:39

Why are there so many threads like this? Why? I went out with DD for an hour on the weekend and DH had folded all the washing. This is not unusual. He knows I am not his servant but his wife ad SAHM to DD. SAHM, not SAHW and maid. Tell him from me he IBU.

SansaLannister · 01/11/2011 13:40

YANBU.

kingprawntikka · 01/11/2011 13:40

I'd expect him to have cleaned up the mess he'd made. A week ... well that would be a lot of meals cooked and washing up needed. Towels and bedding would be needing washing. Vacuuming and dusting required, bathroom cleaned.. So yes I'd expect him to clean.

DorisIsTheDarkDestroyer · 01/11/2011 13:41

UANBU

What does he do normally ? Is he usually a lazy arse or was he just having a "week off". And did he help when you got back?

emsyj · 01/11/2011 13:41

YANBU. My DH is the same. If I complain about his lack of cleaning he has a long string of excuses. It gets right on my tits.

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 01/11/2011 13:43

Well it depends really - did you agree beforehand that he would do some cleaning? Did he not do any cleaning as in - the laundry needed doing, or more like there were dirty plates all over the counters.

Don;t drip feed - we need more info before we can decide, but initially I would say that if you had your DD with you then now, you are not beiong unreasonable

catherinea1971 · 01/11/2011 13:45

My dh doesn't clean anything. Shit I am lucky if he remembers to feed the kids if I am not here!!

Swankyswishing · 01/11/2011 13:46

YANBU: he should have kept the house in a decent condition and done washing up, washing, vacuuming etc. What would his reaction be if the boot was on the other foot and you had done no housework for a week?

PhishFoodAddiction · 01/11/2011 13:47

YANBU- you shouldn't have to come home to a tip.

Did he have anything else to do? Work etc?

It should have been farly easy for him to keep the place clean if he was there alone.

NettleTea · 01/11/2011 13:48

Definately not being unreasonable - if you are looking after your DD then thats a full time job, and it is HIS DD? So you were giving him a break from thie childcare he usually does when you are at home, eh?
Are you supposed to be a skivvy? Why cant he clean up after himself?
I get so annoyed reading about these guys who seem to think housework is only the responsibility of a woman.

GreenBlueRed · 01/11/2011 13:49

My dp will ignore all cleaning, tidying, washing, etc while I'm away, will do very cool and exciting things with the kids though, then have a massive blast through before I get back, so that there will be a wash on, dishwasher running, dryer on, floor just mopped, etc. This does annoy me a bit just because it's not a good lesson for the children.

Your dp sounds like he doesn't do anything at all - and didn't have any children to look after while you were away. Is he a nice bloke generally? Does he work ridiculously long hours in an energy sapping physical job? Otherwise, no of course you're not being unreasonable, he needs to pull his weight, be a partnership, and clear up his own shit - or does he think that because he is a superior male being and you are a mere female that he doesn't need to do anything for himself?

SolidGoldVampireBat · 01/11/2011 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CumbrianCooBeastie · 01/11/2011 13:49

YANBU. Did he just sit and stare at it all? His mess, but your responsibility when you return?

Pah. Unless I missed the bit where you mentioned he was only 16 and still thought the world revolved around him.

grovel · 01/11/2011 13:50

I would expect my DH to have a frantic hour of cleaning/putting away just before I got back.

AheadlesswomancalledHorse · 01/11/2011 13:52

Like others have said; was there a week worths of 'day-to-day' cleaning to be done (the dishes, clothes washing etc)?

My DH and I have different standards of cleaning, if I ask him to clean the bathroom sink he'll run a flannel around it, whereas I'll get chemicals out & scrub the taps...is it the same with you and DP?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 01/11/2011 13:55

YADNBU! Does he think it's your job to clean up after him? If you create mess and you're not a baby/physically handicapped, it's your job to clean it up.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 01/11/2011 13:55

And by "you" I mean "one". Basically, if he's old enough to father a child he's old enough to bloody well clean up.

nickelbabe · 01/11/2011 13:56

it does depend on what you class as cleaning.
I would expect, in a week, any washing (of clothes and pots) that have been used during that week to be done, any pets sorted out daily, hoover run round, stuff accumulated during the week to be tidied up (or at least in a neat pile), bathroom and toilet clean (not necessarily scrubbed, but wiped and the toilet had bleach thrown down it)

Anything else, I wouldn't worry about.
But, I base that on what I would do during a week if I were on my own.

crunchbag · 01/11/2011 13:58

YANBU his mess so he cleans up.

What state did he leave the house in and did he expect you to clean it up?

Nagoo · 01/11/2011 14:00

It depends, clean up his own shit, YANBU

YAmaybeBabitU if you thought he was going to sweep the chimney and clean the windows :)

kenobi · 01/11/2011 14:04

Literally nothing? In that case YANBU.

Onemorning · 01/11/2011 14:28

Definitely YANBU.

maybenow · 01/11/2011 14:32

i would expect him to do dishes, clothes and kitchen surfaces...

neither of us hoover very often, or mop - both only get done about once a fortnight (we're in a flat and take shoes off so floors aren't too dirty)

he wouldn't do bathroom.. never does... but then i don't take out bins/recycling...

MadameWooOOoovary · 01/11/2011 15:51

Not doing any cleaning for a week (dishes etc) would be unsanitary. Who wants mouldering dishes lying around? Plus it would smell urgh.
I bet he doesnt clean himself either

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