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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit put out that DH wants to climb Kilimanjaro now we have DS

34 replies

ODearMe · 01/11/2011 10:18

Last night, DH mentioned he would like to climb us both to climb Kilimanjaro.

Years ago, we went travelling together and did Everest Base Camp which we loved and both said we would like to do Kilimanjaro one day. Now we have an 8 month old DS so I do not feel comfortable leaving him for a whole week with the grandparents. DH has asked if i would mind him going on his own or with a friend then.

DH has a stash of money saved and I have just gone back to work PT to be able to contribute financially towards bills so I do feel miffed that he is considering digging into his savings to do this.

However, it is something he has always wanted to do and because he can do it - I dont want to stand in his way either.

What would you do?

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 01/11/2011 10:26

I would let him go.

You can afford it, and just because you have a child, you shouldn't have to completely give up on your life long ambitions.

5ofus · 01/11/2011 10:29

Why don't you wait a year or so and both go? Your DS will be older, you may feel happier leaving him?

squeakyfreakytoy · 01/11/2011 10:31

Let him do it. And if you want to do it too, then go with him.

Your child will be absolutely fine having his own holiday with his grandparents.

Having a child does not mean you cannot share him with other family members and he must be tied to you for the next 18 years. :)

belgo · 01/11/2011 10:33

Let him go. You need to get your bank accounts sorted so that you have equal 'treats' -it's not fair if he has loads of money for holidays that you don't go on, and it's not really reasonable to expect you to leave your baby for that length of time.

maddy68 · 01/11/2011 10:35

let him go? dont see the issue really

upahill · 01/11/2011 10:35

Definaltly go!
I would be making plan, getting physically fit and looking at flights!
If you are both into this stuff both go.

Go as soon as you can.
Life is for living.

I would love to do Killi and I will.
I am saving for my dreams which are similar.

We used to go to my nans' and grandads when we were little so mum and dad could have a fortnight in Spain (It was the early 70's!!!) We were adored by the GP's.

Original poster

ODearMe · 01/11/2011 10:36

That would be a good idea 5ofus. DH really does want to do the climb with me. But that leads me to another dilemna - is it ok to leave your child with the grandparents for the best part of a week?

OP posts:

belgo · 01/11/2011 10:38

it's fine to leave your ds with his grandparents as long as they are happy to have him, and as long as you are happy to leave him.

But don't be pushed into leaving him if you don't want to.

eaglewings · 01/11/2011 10:39

I think you are right to feel this way. Everything changes when you have kids, for the better mostly

My DH would never want to leave his kids unless he had no choice, he enjoys family holidays and saves his leave up to spend time with them, that's just how he is, so I've never been in your situation thankfully

When your kids are grown up you can either go with them or when they are at uni etc Kilimanjaro is going no where soon!

upahill · 01/11/2011 10:39

ODearme Of course it is. A baby is part of a family thas is not just mum and dad.

Other people have a loving interest in babies apart from mum and dad.

Come on it's not like you are having him adopted or anything!!

5ofus · 01/11/2011 10:42

Yes, as long as the grandparents are happy to have him for the week and you're happy to leave him, of course it's OK.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/11/2011 10:52

Of course it's okay to leave him (so long as his grandparents are nice!)

The question is whether you will actually enjoy it if you are away from DS? Our LO is only 11 weeks old and I can't leave him for longer than about 10 mins yet without getting stressed out!

DP and I are discussing leaving LO with my parents in a year or so as we were really close to booking an 'adventure holiday' (sounds so twee written down doesn't it?) when we found out LO was on his way. We're just pleased we hadn't wasted the money booking it and delighted that my parents will take LO for a week or so when we're ready to go (um, i haven't confessed to DP yet that I may never be ready to leave LO!)

We've also started making plans for more 'big trips' in a few years time when LO is old enough to come with us. Both of us have the travel bug and will have no qualms whatsoever about taking LO out of school to explore the world for a few months but we want to wait until he (and any younger siblings) are old enough to appreciate it.

worraliberty · 01/11/2011 10:57

It's fine to leave the baby as long as the Grand parents can cope and are happy to have him...and you can easily contact each other.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 01/11/2011 10:57

If it's something you both want to do, but you don't feel comfortable leaving DS yet, then I absolutely think YANBU to put the brakes on with your DH going alone or with a mate.

You'd resent him for doing something that you wanted to do as well, and him doing it first, alone, would probably take the shine of you doing it alone/with him at a later date.

Wait until you feel comfortable leaving your son - hell, wait until your son is old enough to go with you! - the mountain isn't going to disappear overnight and it will be an amazing experience that can wait until you are in a position to do it together.

pozzled · 01/11/2011 11:03

If you both want to go, I would plan it for some time next year. Your DS will be a bit older and you will have time to make sure he is happy being left with the grandparents- start leaving him for a night at a time and then a long weekend, so that he is used to it. You'll feel happier about leaving him then- and anyway, you'll both (presumably) want to do some preparation for the climb.

pozzled · 01/11/2011 11:06

BTW, you refer to DH's savings. As a married couple, surely any money saved is your joint money and you should have joint say about how and when it is spent?

upahill · 01/11/2011 11:09

By the way what was Everst Base camp like?
How much training did you do, hhow much did it cost etc etc.
I really want to know as this is an ambition of mine!

Original poster

ODearMe · 01/11/2011 11:10

No the money is compensation money for an accident he had years ago. It is 'his' money because it was awarded to him for future operations etc. Part of the reason why DH has urge to do all these things now - you only live once and all that, but at the same time spending the money on this kind of holiday is counter-productive as this pot the money will be coming from is diminishing.

OP posts:

maybenow · 01/11/2011 11:11

if you want to do it too then why not wait till your LO is a bit bigger (personally i'd wait till they're verbal)... it takes a while to plan a killi trip and unless you've had an amazingly active pregnancy you'll probably also want to train up for it a bit.. i'd wait another year to book and go in 18months or so...

i don't think there's anything wrong with parents doing things without the kids so long as the kids are enjoying themselves (at gps or wherever) and still get enough time with their parents too.

Original poster

ODearMe · 01/11/2011 11:33

UpaHill - Everest Base Camp was fabulous, apart from having my son, it is one of the most magical things i have ever done. I actually didnt do much training for it at all (Im naturally quite fit) and I made it to the base camp, and then beyond and much higher than that to Kallar Pattar which was amazing as we had a panoramic view of the Himalayas and we watched the sunrise over Everest. It was sublime.

I wont lie to you, it was hard work, but do-able of you have a natural level of fitness or do a bit of training if you are not so fit.

The thing to watch out for is altitude sickness, which can happen to anyone at anytime - even the fittest. The trick is to take it very very steady - it isnt a race. Use your acclimatisation days to do just that - remain there and rest for a couple of days.

Doesnt help if you are a smoker - some aussie girls we met were chuffing on fags all the way up and were disappointed to fall at the last hurdle.

You might want to look on YouTube at the descent into Lukla airport from Kathmandu before you book up. It is the world's most dangerous airport. If I had known what that was like before we booked i probaby wouldnt have gone. There are regular aircrashes there.

Our tour operator was Nepal Uncovered. Had a tour guide called Ram who was fantastic and helped make the trip more special. The porters are amazing, they carry your bags all the way up in their flip flops!

Cant remember how much it cost exactly but i dont remember it being excessive. The flight will cost most but we did it as a stop off on one of those around the world tickets. I hope you go for it - you will never ever forget it!

OP posts:

berkshirefem · 01/11/2011 11:35

Definitely let him do it. Life doesn't stop when you have kids. Assuming he would allow you to do something like this if you wanted to then I think it's important that he is able to retain some of himself after becoming a parent.

eurochick · 01/11/2011 11:38

I say do it together when your son is a year or so older.

mumofthreekids · 01/11/2011 11:42

DH and I did Kilimanjaro and Everest Base Camp pre-kids. Amazing!!

I think you should both go. In some ways it's easier to leave an 8-month baby (unless you are BF) than a toddler who is more aware of being left!

Upahill I didn't really do any training but am generally quite fit. As OP says, the main reason it's hard is the altitude sickness, which can strike anyone.

BrainDeadSurgeon · 01/11/2011 11:44

OP sounds amazing, don't hold back if you want to do it, and may I suggest you do it sooner rather than later (ie. in 1-2 years time I'd find it even harder to leave DS!)
I may be able to look up some discounted flights for you - where are you flying to? PM me if you're interested!

caramelwaffle · 01/11/2011 11:45

So I youtube'd "landing at Lukla airport"

Scary.

Fabulous

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