to be a bit put out that DH wants to climb Kilimanjaro now we have DS

[ODearMe]

Last night, DH mentioned he would like to climb us both to climb Kilimanjaro.

Years ago, we went travelling together and did Everest Base Camp which we loved and both said we would like to do Kilimanjaro one day. Now we have an 8 month old DS so I do not feel comfortable leaving him for a whole week with the grandparents. DH has asked if i would mind him going on his own or with a friend then.

DH has a stash of money saved and I have just gone back to work PT to be able to contribute financially towards bills so I do feel miffed that he is considering digging into his savings to do this.

However, it is something he has always wanted to do and because he can do it - I dont want to stand in his way either.

What would you do?

Thanks all for your comments. Im really surprised most of you think it would be ok to leave ds with grandparents. Im really worried many of my friends would judge me for doing this as i know they wouldnt leave their children for more than one night. I do agree that we have to retain our own identities after having children, it will be good for our relationship to do this together and therefore a happier family. Like the idea of convincing dh to wait a year or so and then we can go together!

Definitely go, the two of you. Your ds will be fine and it will be lovely for his grandparents to have all that time with him. You sound so animated describing your last trip, go for it. Life is short, grab every opportunity. Imagine this was your mum writing this 30 years ago - would you think she should have stayed at home with you? Don't give any thought to what your friends say - if they make judgements, they're not the kind of people whose opinions should matter anyway.

Definitely don't worry about leaving your son with grandparents. Don't listen to anyone who tries to guilt you on this. It's healthier for everyone if your son has a great relationship with his grandparents and if you have some time to yourself.

Life does change once children come along, but any attempt to stop doing fun things - things that you can afford and for which you have childcare - just because you are now parents will end up, long-term, in bitterness and resentment.

Go for it!

Re your friends judging you for leaving your DS behind, tbh I would be a bit at someone who regularly goes on holiday without their DCs just so they can lie on a beach and read a book. I think this is different because you can't take your DCs with you, it's something you and your DH really want to do, and it's a one-off rather than every year.

Thanks all - you are all lovely xxx

Go if you must but make sure that your insurances and wills are up to date. You have a child and responsibilities both to your son and to GPs.

It'll be fine for you to leave DS with his loving grandparents :) Just imagine what a great relationship they can develop spending that time together. You and your DH will be able to share a fabulous experience that will bond you as a couple as well as mum and dad. Maybe you could look to do it in 6 months which will give you both time to prepare, if you don't feel ready to do it just now.

I think you should both go! Assuming the grandparents are happy to have DS, and he'd be OK spending a week with them. It's not that unusual for grandparents to have the kids while parents go on holiday, is it? Friends of ours recently did this (though with twin babies I can imagine they needed the break!). It didn't occur to me to 'judge' - what exactly would I be judging them for?

im with Ephiny, and a lot of others too. wait until DS is a bit older and both do it, if grandparents are happy to support you. We also did Kili and Everest basecamp and lots of other things before our DS came along and I went off to Tibet last year without either of them. You dont stop being the people you were the minute you become a parent, your dreams dont just go away, and if you are so inclined then when your boy is even older, you will take him to all these magical places so you can share them with him, like we fully intend to do.