to think just because someone has died doesn't stop you 'having' the?

[jasonlovesme]

Was at a day time function thing today - as DPs partner -and conversation came around to the bump, having children, siblings etc.
In a group of about 5, 2 we know moderatly well, 1 have met once or twice and 2 we have never met before today.
DP said he would like more than one as he is an only child and missed having siblings etc.
I said I can't image not having a 'reasonable' size family as I come from a large family.
the 1 we have met once/twice before asked me how many siblings I have.
'Oh I'm one of 8 actually'
Cue - ohhs, wows ect.
One of the 2 we know moderatly well then pips up and says 'But you aren't actually you are only one of 7'
The rest of the group look puzzled and such, DP was definatly shocked. And I had to fight back tears and anger.

One of my brothers died at 21. This persons knows this as we first met soon after DS was born and they asked about his name (he is named after my DBro)

AIBU to think that just if a sibling or the like dies they don't stop being yours.?
If your parents die you don't have no parents - just none living.
And just because one of my siblings died doesn't mean they weren't mine. I'm still one of 8 living or not.

Or is that wrong - is that not the usual concensus?

YADNBU. Can I recommend that you read Wordsworths beautiful poem 'We are Seven' which is told from the perspective of an eight year old girl who has two siblings that have died. It is sad but I think you'll appreciate the sentiment.

I'd probably 'ave slotted em I'm afraid [lairy especially after alcohol] - my DBro died two years ago but I am still one of four.

Absolutely she was wrong. And to have the cheek to call you on it when you had already answered was breath takingly rude and insensitive - it's not like you don't know how many you are one of - you gave absolutely the right answer.

If she had turned to you and said you're one of 7 aren't you?' that would have been different as you could just assume she'd remembered wrongly and gently correct her and then she would be embarrassed but it wouldn't have been a big thing.

But to correct someone talking about their own family is awful. The only thing I can think of that might explain her actions is that she has lost a family member at some point and doesn't include them in numbers for whatever reason and so expects everybody else to do the same, maybe to hide the guilt or pain they feel from 'hiding' this person. Or she is just a completely insensitive idiot.

I know what it feels like a bit - my dad died and afterwards my gran (his mother) couldn't get her head around the fact that we were still her grandchildren; in her mind she no longer had two sons which turned into she only had one son and therefore she couldn't have two sets of grandchildren. She even changed her will, encouraged by my uncle to significantly reduced what she left to us and upped what she left to my cousins. It really hurt; not the monetary value so much as it was a very positive and public show of how we weren't really her gc any more (and also wretched of uncle because if things had been the other way around my dad would have bent over backwards to make sure everything stayed fair). She also completely cut my mum out of the will despite my mum visiting her lots, having her over, running lots of errands etc, far more than uncle or his family did. Again it wasn't about the stuff she missed out on (even one little ornament that there had been a family joke for 40 odd years about the fact that mum was going to get it left to her in the will) but that it seemed to be such a hurtful kick in the teeth and that uncle was greedy enough to take even this ornament and sell it (not worth much money at all, he had plenty of his own) rather than give it to mum.

Sorry op. Didn't mean that to turn into quite such a rant but as you can see it's a raw nerve that still hurts years later....

Bleeding hell, who does she think she is, what a cocking bitch.
(thats the tame version, you wouldn't of wanted to read my original comment )

Thank you - glad to know that it isn't unusual, (and my heart goes out to many of you)

Maybe she just had a brain freeze or something.

ohh and I loved the Borg destination thing :)