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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have been unreasonable towards a child, help me to feel sorry.

69 replies

Cathycomehome · 30/10/2011 23:51

So - we looked after next door's liitle boy (9 years old) tonight, and we played a game of Trivial Pursuit. This little boy is lovely but quite arrogant self confident. He had been teasing my son (11) every time he got a question wrong, and saying things like "Durr - I can't believe you didn't know that", etc.

So when he did it for about the 6th time, I said "Right, X who wrote "Dulce et decorum est"?. So he said "Erm, well I don't know". So I said "Right, well you don't know because you haven't been told, and X didn't know who was the first man on the moon because he hadn't been told, and it doesn't feel very nice to be teased like that does it?".

OP posts:

peasandlove · 31/10/2011 02:26

when we were growing up we had a little knowitall boy living next door. He was always bragging about how smart he was etc etc. My dad said to him one day "do you know what arrogant means?" and the kid looked a bit sheepish and said no. (I bet he did though)

my2centsis · 31/10/2011 02:28

YANBU i would've done the same thing :)

FearfulYank · 01/11/2011 03:35

YA and YAN BU.

You could have just said, "well, everybody doesn't know some things, for instance you don't know (example), do you, because you haven't been told. And it's not very nice to tease about it."

But he sounds quite annoying and I don't really like kids like that I was one and would go back in time and slap myself if I could , so it's understandable.

cumbria81 · 01/11/2011 06:20

I just snorted cereal reading your post. Brilliant!

pinkstarlight · 01/11/2011 09:07

for a start i have a ds and him and his friends banter like that all the time but they laugh it off,i know it must be very irritating but its no good mum jumping in you have to allow your son to fend for himself.

LaPruneDeMaTante · 01/11/2011 09:08

Good god, don't feel sorry for that!
(DS is that kid, and we say things like that to him all the time - he's unbearable otherwise. )

DoMeDon · 01/11/2011 09:13

You weren't unreasonable. You shouldn't feel sorry. I dislike arrogant DC whose parents are usually too blinded by love to see that their precocious offspring are irritating/demanding/attention seeking drains.

snailoon · 01/11/2011 09:20

If he seems to treat you differently after this, I would mention it to his mother since you are friends, and make sure he isn't taking it the wrong way. Kids CAN sometimes feel deeply hurt by one comment which they richly deserved, especially if it comes from a grown up they are fond of.
I still haven't forgiven a family friend for calling me "emphatic" as a small child. I was mortally offended; I was just running around shouting having fun and he spoiled the moment (I'm sure I was actually being INCREDIBLY obnoxious).

DoMeDon · 01/11/2011 09:30

snail - If you are sure you were being obnoxious maybe you should forgive him?

Grammaticus · 01/11/2011 09:35

I'm guessing that it wasn't so much what you said (which was fine) but the way you said it (which was a bit sharp because you were annoyed about your kid being teased).

upahill · 01/11/2011 09:43

I wouldn't worry about it.

We always have a house full of kids and if they misbehave (too strong a word but can't think of another) they get told the same way as my kids do.

Just the same in this case.

DeWe · 01/11/2011 09:47

I think it would NBU if you had spoken to him gently first. After he'd done it a couple of times you could have said something along the lines of "you know it because someone's told you, my ds knows things that you don't know because he's been told them. With X many big brothers/sisters in the house I'm not surprised you hear a lot of things that are useful to this game as you've got lots more people talking about things".

Thus putting it as he knows the answers more because he's got more siblings, than because he is cleverer.

Suddenly putting it like that seems mean. He's probably only repeating what his siblings say to him when they play too.

LadyWord · 01/11/2011 09:47

Ooh OP I have done things like this. If someone else's child is being a PITA I don't tend to take it lying down and sometimes my irritation can show in a snappy way. Then I feel awful... but you know, that child is learning that if they behave in X way, grumpy adult Y will not put up with it. Not altogether a bad thing. And I do find that being a slightly scary grown-up if I'm pushed (I'm nice otherwise, honest) generally serves me well!

Also, I know my DS can be difficult and if another adult has a sharp word with him (if deserved) I think that's fine. I think what you did is only really BU if you're the kind of parent who can dish it out but not take it IYSWIM - so if anyone pulls your child up on something you hit the roof and insist the sun shines out of their arse. Otherwise, YANBU.

stealthsquiggle · 01/11/2011 09:49

...but he was being obnoxious, and needed putting back in his place, and your DS needed you to stick up for him - so Y were not BU in the slightest (IM(probably unreasonable)O) - we have to do this to DS all the time - every time he goes "Durr" about something that DD (4 years his junior) doesn't know. FWIW his maths teacher teased him mercilessly (but nicely) about all mistakes to stop him getting arrogant about quite how far ahead of the rest of the class he was/is, and it doesn't seem to have scarred him for life or put him off her as a teacher at all.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/11/2011 10:54

You were not being unreasonable to a child, you were performing a public service, one that has sadly fallen into disuse.

If cocky little snots such children are left uncorrected they grow into obnoxious overbearing adults who nobody likes, so please consider you have done him a favour and increased his chances of growing up into a thoughtful considerate adult.

Ciske · 01/11/2011 11:00

You should have told him off when he was teasing the other child, because that's when he was doing something wrong. Not when he himself got the answer wrong, because he wasn't doing anything wrong at that point.

It kind of sends the message that you get teased/told off for getting stuff wrong, rather than for being unpleasant to others.

thatboysmum · 01/11/2011 11:13

YANBU. My DS is 4 and there are times when he is a bit like this. He will get annoyed and upset if he loses something i.e. a game or a race but if he wins he's a bit like I won, i'm better than you, your a loser. It's not endearing and I tell him on both occasions you don't have to win all the time and if you do there is such a thing as a bad winner aswell as a bad loser. Of course it's nice to win or come first in something but you don't have to make someone else feel rubbish just because you have.

Floggingmolly · 01/11/2011 11:44

God no, you were more restrained than I would've been, actually! Well done.

Ephiny · 01/11/2011 13:03

I think you handled it well - you weren't nasty, didn't shout at him, just explained calmly why it isn't very nice to tease people like that (with use of an example to help him understand - which sounds like a good idea, sometimes abstract concepts aren't too helpful for young children).

What's unreasonable about that?

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