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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been unreasonable towards a child, help me to feel sorry.

69 replies

Cathycomehome · 30/10/2011 23:51

So - we looked after next door's liitle boy (9 years old) tonight, and we played a game of Trivial Pursuit. This little boy is lovely but quite arrogant self confident. He had been teasing my son (11) every time he got a question wrong, and saying things like "Durr - I can't believe you didn't know that", etc.

So when he did it for about the 6th time, I said "Right, X who wrote "Dulce et decorum est"?. So he said "Erm, well I don't know". So I said "Right, well you don't know because you haven't been told, and X didn't know who was the first man on the moon because he hadn't been told, and it doesn't feel very nice to be teased like that does it?".

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:26

He has to be allowed to win - the memorable "let's all just say X's side won to try and stave off this tantrum" game of village American Football (don't ask) underlined that one! Grin

OP posts:
veryconfusedatthemoment · 31/10/2011 00:26

I dont think yabu but I would warmly invite him round again fairly soon so that he knows he's welcome at yours. Otherwise he'll spend the next 10 years avoiding you!

ScarlettIsWalking · 31/10/2011 00:27

I think you were really unreasonable. There was no need to undercut him like that, he's 9 and in a different environment. He was probably trying to clumsily bond with your son, a lot of boys friendships are based on this kind of banter.

It was mean and deep down you know it.

PrimaBallerina · 31/10/2011 00:28

But who did say it? I have some vague notion it was Virgil or Pliny. Definitely have a hazy GCSE memory of this one...

Definitely would not have known the answer as a snotty 9 yr old though.

YANBU btw

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:30

I think you're right, Scarlett - I DO know I was mean. But we are very close friends with next door, and he IS comfortable with us and our son - has been treating our house like his and vice versa for years, so it's not because he's awkward here - almost the opposite, probably.

OP posts:
frutilla · 31/10/2011 00:31

But siblings always tease each other, it sounded like he felt really at home with you and now he won't....

frutilla · 31/10/2011 00:32

One of the first world war poets. Wilfrid Owen?

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:35

Yes - Wilfred Owen, was what I thought.

I was mean to ask him something I knew he wouldn't know, but he had been being so horrid and precocious, or obnoxious. I should say, he is a really nice kid in general, and his mum and I are close friends, also he is the very much youngest of 4, so probably a bit used to being "cute and clever" or the centre of attention.

OP posts:
PrimaBallerina · 31/10/2011 00:35

frutilla I think you're onto something. I'm going to have to google it.

DodieSmith · 31/10/2011 00:36

So basically you sat there and watched your DS get bullied and then you snapped. Not sure if YABU.

PrimaBallerina · 31/10/2011 00:37

..Pro patria mori. Wilfred Owen indeed.

I'd make a shit smug child.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:38

That's right, DodieSmith - and that's how I feel!

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 31/10/2011 00:49

It wasn't Wilfred Owen who said it originally. The poem quotes it, I think the line goes 'the old lie, 'Dulce et decorum est

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:53

Well - I had better go to bed now, as I have performance management in the morning, and I doubt that my limited knowledge of first world war poets is going to impress anyone!

On balance, after reading this, I think I was a bit too mean and the kid was a bit annoying!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 00:54

"pro patria mori" was the end bit, alarkaspree. Slap me if you would like Wink

OP posts:
garlicBreathZombie · 31/10/2011 01:07

Horace wrote the Latin bit - "Sweet pride to die for your country." Owen ends a harrowing description of his comrade dying in front of him with the lines. Thanks for the memory jog, OP, it's a wonderful poem!

You did the right thing. The kid clearly got the message, and is much less likely to be an arse thanks to you :)

There's a difference between pride in doing well and putting other people down! Am quite shocked some posters don't see it - nobody's too young to learn that one.

winnybella · 31/10/2011 01:09

It comes from Horace's Odes , alarkaspree Smile

winnybella · 31/10/2011 01:09

x-post

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 01:24

Well, I can now blame Wilfred Owen and war poets in general for making me horrid! Wink

Thanks to all of you - I think my conclusion is that I WAS overly sharp with this kid, and I think I will just be nice and normal again with him tomorrow, and hope he has learnt that thing that someone up - thread said about being pleasant and not a "twit".
Night! Cx

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 31/10/2011 01:27

Er, who did write ''Dulce et decorum est"?

No one ever told me!Wink

reelingintheyears · 31/10/2011 01:28

Fuck...i really should read the whole thread first!

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 31/10/2011 01:36

Grin I just used that to be horrid to a kid, as I had been teaching war poetry previously - it was just the first thing that came to mind to be a bit superior to the "child who knows everything"

I am ashamed, I know I should've risen above it, but that "mother tigress" thing kicks in sometimes. Blush

OP posts:
kiwimumof2boys · 31/10/2011 01:44

Meh. I wouldn't worry about it - he'll get over it. Had the same thing happen to me (as a cocky kid sharply told off) and I got over pretty quickly.
Might make him think twice in the future before behaving like a cocky little so and so !

kipperandtiger · 31/10/2011 01:52

Doesn't sound so bad to me. Sometimes the kindest thing is to tell it like it is. He was being a bit annoying as well as unkind. Don't sweat it.

Glitterandglue · 31/10/2011 01:52

Think whether you were being unreasonable or not depends on the way he was saying it. From your OP I got that he was being cocky, rather than gently teasy. If you're trying to make yourself look better than the other person, that's not nice. If you're trying to make the other person laugh at themselves, then that's the good kind of teasing. I do a lot of the latter with my friends and relatives but would hate to think I was actually doing the former and I think it's good for kids to learn the difference. It sounds like even if he meant it to be the latter and it just came out as the former, what you said taught him how what he's doing is perceived, and he'll be more careful about it in future.