Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a university student should be doing their own research for a dissertation?

98 replies

ivykaty44 · 30/10/2011 11:49

Not your parent?

This parent is telephoning relevant places on behalf the student to ask whether they have the material needed - surely the student should be using a telephone and calling these places.

AIBU

OP posts:
mumwithdice · 30/10/2011 11:50

YANBU at all. How very strange.

FabbyChic · 30/10/2011 11:51

Whats your problem that the parent is helping? I'd do it for my kid if he asked but he wont.

Some parents like helping their children others just don't give a fucking shit.

eaglewings · 30/10/2011 11:52

Perhaps the student is holding down 3 jobs in order to study and the parent is unable to work due to disability and therefore has much more time to do the phoning?

Or perhaps the student is just lazy and has an over indulgent parent :)

Sirzy · 30/10/2011 11:53

If they are helping then fine, if they are doing it for them then that is wrong.

Original poster
ivykaty44 · 30/10/2011 11:53

I know know IANBU - thanks fabbychic Grin

OP posts:
motherinferior · 30/10/2011 11:54

Christ, no, YANBU. Not a bit.

motherinferior · 30/10/2011 11:56

At university level, you're an adult doing your own degree. Ostensibly, anyway. Admittedly some of the students I've taught do rather test this hypothesis...

hardboiledpossum · 30/10/2011 11:59

I doubt phoning a few places is going to be a large part of the research, so I doubt the parent is doing any meaningful part of it.

Most people I know just made up their results

Thzumbazombiewitch · 30/10/2011 12:03

YANBU at all - but that's the sort of culture that is starting to prevail - it seems that some students need help wiping their own arses these days.[hangry]

Doesn't do them any favours in the long run - unless they get a job where their mum can come in and help them out when the going gets tough as well. [hhmm]

Birdsgottafly · 30/10/2011 12:14

Generally YANBU.

Unless there is a real reason for this, such as; student working long hours, a learning disability that needs extra support and the research part is not needed to build skills needed in the workplace.

I support my eldest DD (26), as she has ADHD and dyslexia, to do her workplace based NVQ 4, as she is working in a highly stressful job with unpredictable hours. I help her to organise herself and set things out in steps, if this involved research, then i would help.

She can do the job backwards, she just needs support to pass the qualification.

Kayano · 30/10/2011 12:21

Depends on the degree really. Is the parent just ringing while they are free to say 'do you have this material in stock?' so the student can do all the proper work when they are not working etc

or is the parent phoning to do surveys for research for the student?

My ex (thank god) SIL actually just made up her own research for a psychology degree. I was so shocked esp as I had worked so hard on my own dissertation the year before

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 30/10/2011 12:22

but then the student would have to work.....

ilovesooty · 30/10/2011 12:25

YANBU at all - but that's the sort of culture that is starting to prevail - it seems that some students need help wiping their own arses these days.
Doesn't do them any favours in the long run - unless they get a job where their mum can come in and help them out when the going gets tough as well

Couldn't agree more.

ImperialBlether · 30/10/2011 12:27

No, it's ridiculous that the student isn't doing that.

My daughter's just finished her degree and I did read most of her essays through, both at first draft and final draft stage. There were several drafts. I enjoyed the subjects she studied and whilst I couldn't help her with any of the theory behind it all, I could tell her if an argument wasn't developed thoroughly.

If it were a friend doing that, then nobody would think anything of it. The fact was she didn't know anyone on her course well enough to ask them, so I stood in.

gabid · 30/10/2011 12:29

Strange.

RoxyRobin · 30/10/2011 12:30

YANBU. Apart from anything else it gives the student with the helicopter parent an unfair advantage over the student with the parent who couldn't give a shit.

FabbyChic · 30/10/2011 12:31

It isnt like the dissitation is being written for them is it. I think YOU are being unreasonable and petty.

Robotindisguise · 30/10/2011 12:32

Fabby, you're extraordinary. At what point would you cut the apron strings, or do you think parents should sit under the office desk doing their jobs for them when they get them?

Qualifications are meant to be an indicator of the person who does the degree's own intelligence and ability, not their parents. And frankly, allowing them to cheat (because it is cheating if someone else does your work for you) does them no favours in the long run and leaves them utterly unable to cope with adult life.

Robotindisguise · 30/10/2011 12:33

The writing only sets down what's been discovered in the research!

Thzumbazombiewitch · 30/10/2011 12:33

Can I just point out, having re-read my post and others after, that I am referring to NT, able-bodied students needing help with arse-wiping, not students who actually do need this help because of any disabilities they may have.

strangerintheday · 30/10/2011 12:34

FabbyChic you did not hang around much when integrity was distributed, did you?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/10/2011 12:34

I hope that this parent (numpty that there are) is remembering to note all their sources

EllaDee · 30/10/2011 12:34

YANBU. That's ridiculous. Unless the parent has done the same degree, at the same university, quite recently, it is also likely to be unhelpful. My mate, now doing a PhD, has a mother who is an academic researching and teaching in the same subject, and she (the mum) was very clear that her 'help' could only do more harm than good - the teachers would see quite easily if work didn't come from a student, and the student wouldn't learn properly. You can't take mum into the exam, and if the dissertation is brilliant and the exam much less so, someone may smell a rat.

I'm guilty of this one myself mind - my dad, bless him, was adamant he could and should 'help' and would demand to read my essays. In retrospect his advice was crap, though well-meant.

If the parent is offering to help by checking spelling/grammar (just like a mate proofreading), that's fine. That's even a good idea. Much more than that, and why on earth are you paying for your adult child's education if you and they think you can do it better?!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/10/2011 12:35

that they are

colken · 30/10/2011 12:36

Well, I have to admit 'helping', too. I lent a friend some of my own work for his research and proof read his dissertation when it was finished. I just proof read my son's when he had finished it all.

So, yes I helped, but did not do the actual work. There's nothing wrong with that.