Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be upset with a work colleague of mine?

53 replies

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:04

A colleague of mine is getting married today. Rewind to about 9 months ago. I was talking about making some cupcakes for a friend, she said she wanted some for her wedding and would I do them for her, she said she would see me right.
So Thursday came and I made 144 cupcakes from scratch, mixed them, baked them etc, my oven was on for half the day. Friday I lovingly iced them with buttercream and decorated them all with lovely decorations that I had made. ( Now I usualy work Thurs and Fri so had to take time off work, which I could have used at Christmas a my birthday)
She phoned me Friday and asked when she could pick them up and how much the ingredients cost. I told her this.
When she came to pick them up I helped her put them in the car. She came back in and handed over the cost of the ingredients and that is it.
Also she had these beautiful cupcake wrappers, she sat down, handed me half and started putting them together, like a mug I helped her.
AIBU to be upset that my time and electric means nothing to her, I am actually out of pocket. ARRRGHH

OP posts:

worraliberty · 29/10/2011 14:05

You were being unreasonable to do all that, including taking time off work without actually agreeing a price.

hiddenhome · 29/10/2011 14:07

No good turn goes unpunished

hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 14:07

are you invited to the weeding? is she a good friend? seems weird that you did not agree a price? maybe she thought you would do for nowt, as you did not agreea proce, also, she prob does not appreciate that it takes ages to do that many cakes

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 29/10/2011 14:09

Did she specifically ask how much the ingredients were or did she ask how much she owed you? Any chance she could think you were doing it as a wedding present to her?

Just wondering if there may be a misunderstanding

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:10

I am invited to the evening reception. I just never thought she would expect me do do all that for nothing and no she is not a good friend, just a work colleague that I get along with.

OP posts:

Itsjustafleshwound · 29/10/2011 14:11

YABU - nothing wrong with asking for a bit more for your electricity usage (also an 'ingredient')

The decision to take time off was yours to make.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 29/10/2011 14:12

You should have agreed a price up front but I can appreciate when you're doing favours it doesn't always work out like that. She on the other hand, has the cheek of the devil.

I'm afraid I've recently come to the decision that I am not going to put myself out for anyone, ever except blood relatives. I keep waiting for my turn to come round and in 40 years it never has. Last winter I had pneumonia, was ill for 3 months and lost a baby in the middle of it. Not one person did a single thing to help. I lost all faith after that.

So YANBU to be upset, but most people are utterly self centred. Sorry.

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:12

No, she asked how much the ingredients cost. I would never expect a work colleague to do that for me for nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:13

Would IBU to mention something when she comes back from her honeymoon?

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 29/10/2011 14:14

At best, she's distracted by the wedding and has forgotten her manners because of it. Maybe she'll come to her senses and realise that you deserve more for doing this for her.

At worst, she's utterly thoughtless and tightfisted. I'd be tempted to tell all and sundry at the reception that you made the cakes and she hasn't paid you in full yet.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/10/2011 14:14

I'd be irked too OP, but there's nothing you can do about it. Work colleague feels this was a business transaction, you see it differently. Live and learn and don't offer again - and be clear about what you do offer in future.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/10/2011 14:15

Difficult. What would make you happy?

If it was me paying you I would have paid the money you asked and bought a really nice present to say thank you and I would have been effusive in my thanks.

Is there any chance she's not aware of costs and thinks that the ingredients costs covers the electricity?

hwjm1945 · 29/10/2011 14:15

yes, too late then and you will look bad.
Learn for next time. I have a neighbour whose selfishness and thoughtlessness is so breathtakign that it has become a running joke with me and DH. She will just not see what she has done wrong and you will be accused of "ruining" her wedding with "tightness"

picnicbasketcase · 29/10/2011 14:16

I hope you haven't also given her a wedding gift, OP. If you were going to take a gift to the reception, keep it and get the money back.

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:17

She knows that it doesn't include anything but the cake ingredients, I am really not in the mood to go tonight, if I ate one of the cupcakes it may choke me.

OP posts:

schobe · 29/10/2011 14:18

Too late now imo.

It is the sort of thing you might offer to do as a wedding present. She may have interpreted it as this. Don't get her a gift - write in her card that you hope she and her guests enjoyed your gift to her, ie the cakes.

In hindsight you should have given her a price right at the start. Your next opportunity was when she asked the cost of the ingredients. You should have quoted her a price with an amount towards your time and costs, eg electricity.

I would take it as a lesson for next time - practise being assertive.

schobe · 29/10/2011 14:20

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:20

No I haven't got her a gift, I was going to put some money in a card, that won't be happening now.

OP posts:

duvetdayplease · 29/10/2011 14:20

Oh, gosh I am sorry. I don't know what to suggest as it is done now. But YANBU to be pissed off.

GuillotinedMaryLacey - I am sorry about your shitty time last winter and also sorry for the loss of your baby. I don't want to think of you losing the faith entirely - but I do understand, I felt rather let down by a large number of people when going through a grim patch ourselves.

GingerLemonTea · 29/10/2011 14:20

Think she should have shown her thanks. A colleague at my work just made 20 cupcakes for another girl at work. She paid her for the ingredients, but also got her a lovely cake slice as a thank you.

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:21

:o at schobe

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:23

GuillotinedMaryLacey, sorry for the very hard time you had last winter, how awful that nobody helped you.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/10/2011 14:24

I missed your post there, GML, so sorry about your baby. It must have been a rotten time. Try not to lose the faith, there are plenty of people who will happily do things for others without return, maybe you should stand back and let them before doing things for others yourself for a bit.

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 14:25

YABU.

you should have set out your expectations from the onset.

if it was a close friend (you say she isn't) and it was as a favour I'd understand. but you're clearly coming at this from a more detached POV, therefore it's always a good idea to set out expectations before you do anything.

this is the way things always end when you don't make your intentions/expectations clear, tbh.

rather than moan about her taking advantage (when the exepectations were never made clear to begin with), think of her as having done you a favour - you've learnt that you need to clarify these things if a similar situation crops up again. you should have already known it, but better late than never.

picnicbasketcase · 29/10/2011 14:25

Quite right too Sparklyblue, if she's assumed that your labour and electricity costs were her wedding present, make it exactly that and nothing else. And as others have already said, don't offer favours again - business deals only, with price arranged up front. Is there an open bar at the reception - could try to get your money's worth?

Flip

1 2 3