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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with a work colleague of mine?

53 replies

Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:04

A colleague of mine is getting married today. Rewind to about 9 months ago. I was talking about making some cupcakes for a friend, she said she wanted some for her wedding and would I do them for her, she said she would see me right.
So Thursday came and I made 144 cupcakes from scratch, mixed them, baked them etc, my oven was on for half the day. Friday I lovingly iced them with buttercream and decorated them all with lovely decorations that I had made. ( Now I usualy work Thurs and Fri so had to take time off work, which I could have used at Christmas a my birthday)
She phoned me Friday and asked when she could pick them up and how much the ingredients cost. I told her this.
When she came to pick them up I helped her put them in the car. She came back in and handed over the cost of the ingredients and that is it.
Also she had these beautiful cupcake wrappers, she sat down, handed me half and started putting them together, like a mug I helped her.
AIBU to be upset that my time and electric means nothing to her, I am actually out of pocket. ARRRGHH Angry

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 29/10/2011 14:26

You should go tonight - people will be raving about your lovely cakes and it will be nice for you to hear Smile

RitaMorgan · 29/10/2011 14:28

To be fair to her, maybe she thinks of you as a friend and assumed you were doing something nice to her? She might not have seen it as a business deal, especially as you didn't give her a price for them.

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 14:28

I'd be tempted to tell all and sundry at the reception that you made the cakes and she hasn't paid you in full yet.

But the OP has never communicated her expectation (what payment in full means) with this woman.

How can this woman, who's planning her wedding, be expected to mind read that this isn't a wedding favour or done as a contribution to her big day, or that the ingredient cost doesn't include the electricity cost... how the fuck is she meant to know all of that?

Apart from anything, it would be highly inappropriate to be so childish at her wedding reception. Honestly, I hope your suggestion was intended as a joke.

OP needs to behave like an adult here. The problem is one of communication. It can only be fixed by being clearer from the start next time... or trying to fix the current problem with communication.

You know, like adults.

LadyMontdore · 29/10/2011 14:31

YABU, you should have told her the cost up front (including time / elec) or made it clear that it was a gift. Also think a bit daft to take two days off work when nothing had been decided re payment! I think if she asked you cost and gave you the money that ws fine. SHe may still have a pressie / thank you in speeches. Maybe you'll even get some more orders (and can charge approp amount this time!)
Anyway enjoy the do, people will love your cakes!

picnicbasketcase · 29/10/2011 14:32

I did say I'd be 'tempted' doublechocchipper, not that I'd actually do it. That would indeed be childish, as impulses often are. Do you never have a silly thought go through your head but know better than to act upon it?

LadyMontdore · 29/10/2011 14:32

Also she may have no idea how long the cakes took you if she's not a cake maker herself!

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 14:33

Yes I do picnicbasketcase, but your suggestion is so inappropriate I thought I'd point out how much of a basket case the OP would seem to be if she actually considered it as a serious suggestion.

picnicbasketcase · 29/10/2011 14:36

I'm working on the assumption that the OP is intelligent enough to take my comment as a silly and sarcastic passing joke, doublechocchipper. Evidently I can't assume the same of everyone else.

colken · 29/10/2011 14:38

I would not buy a wedding present. She has had your electricity free and time for nothing.

Think Positively. There will be complimentary comments about your cakes. Get youself a few business cards or pre-type some pieces of paper with your details so that potential customers will know how to contact you for some cakes. When they do, have a template of costs ready for them. It might come to nothing but could be worth doing.

Original poster
Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 14:38

I'd never go to the reception and say anything like that, lol. I took what you said picnicbasket as what it was, a joke Grin

OP posts:
catsareevil · 29/10/2011 14:45

She maybe thought that it was a wedding present. I would be insulted if I did a favour for a friend and they tried to pay me for my time, maybe she was worried that you would be insulted.

Im not a baker, and would have no idea how long it would take to make 144 cupcakes. I would probably imagine that it would take a few hours. Did your colleague know that you have taken 2 days off work to do this?

When she asked you how much she owed you you could have added in the amount that you thought she was due for electric.

It sounds like communication wasnt great, but I dont think that either of you are necessarily in the wrong here.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 29/10/2011 14:49

I don't think the colleague has been at all unreasonable. If she is not into cake-making herself she probably doesn't know how much the electricity would cost - I know I wouldn't have a clue myself. OP I think you are being a passive-aggressive martyr and a whinyarse. Why didn't you just tell her that it would involve you taking two days off work, and quote her a proper price for the job?

GohWee · 29/10/2011 14:50

It's your fault for calling them "cupcakes". If you had called them their proper name - fairy cakes - then she would have known their true worth.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 29/10/2011 14:57

I wonder if she has ever made a cake in her life and realises what it entails?

I didnt know how expensive it all was until I started baking (not that I do often)

People are the same about sewing and knitting. They ask for a jumper or something and then go Shock when they find out it has cost £50 for the wool let alone the hours of labour.

Unless she is a generally selfish person I would put it down to a bit of ignorance and over excitment about her wedding.

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 15:01

OP I think you are being a passive-aggressive martyr and a whinyarse. Why didn't you just tell her that it would involve you taking two days off work, and quote her a proper price for the job?

Precisely my thoughts, but put more concisely.

Original poster
Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 15:03

SolidGoldVampireBat. OP I think you are being a passive-aggressive martyr and a whinyarse. Nice!

OP posts:
BornToBeRiled · 29/10/2011 15:06

You see. I would have given you the cost of ingredients, and a great big pressie at the evening do itself. Also would be parading you around to everyone, praising you! Might she give you a gift at the wedding or later? I'd wait and see first.

perfumedlife · 29/10/2011 15:07

I don't think I would want to ask someone how much I owed them for the electricity used. How on earth does someone work that out? If it was agreed on the casual basis it sounds,, she won't have thought about all the detail and has no doubt got a lot on her mind. Maybe she is planning on buying you a thankyou gift for doing them. If I was her, I would be mortified that you took two days leave off to make them. She probably doesn't know how much work is involved.

Chalk it up to experience, consider them the wedding gift.

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 15:07

But why were you just not honest/clear from the onset?

Why would you not be, if you're approaching this from a business sense and not a "friend doing a favour" thing?

I genuinely, genuinely don't understand why this situation has occured for you.

Do you not like talking about money/expectations? i.e. you're not confident enough to raise it in a discussion?

doublechocchipper · 29/10/2011 15:08

p.s. not a baker myself and I'm Shock at taking 2 days off work to do them.

i wouldn't have realised the amount of work involved.

not doubting that it would be a lot of effort or your word.

but i would have massively underestimated the amount of work involved, for the record.

Original poster
Sparklyblue · 29/10/2011 15:16

doublechocchipper, To be honest I am very shy and do not like talking about money, I was not confident enough to raise the subject, but I didn't think I would be taken for a ride.
I will chalk this up to experience. Never again will I have mug written on my forehead though Smile

OP posts:
thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 29/10/2011 15:19

I really dont think you have been taken for a mug.

I think your friend is not aware of the time, effort and money it takes to make all those cakes.

Laquitar · 29/10/2011 15:20

Tbh unless you do that for living i would assume that you only want the money for the cost (and the electricity and labour will be your 'present'). Did you expect to make profit?

Misschief101 · 29/10/2011 15:33

OP up to you but I'd build a bridge and get over it. It's too late to say anything now although I'd be peeved at the fact she told you she'd see you right. My understanding from that is she would pay for said cakes and not just the ingredients. Your work mate is very rude for doing that but saying that as you've been told several times you should have agreed a price before hand. Put this down as a learning curve. Go to the wedding and have a good time x

BarkisIsWillin · 29/10/2011 16:14

YABU, this interaction took place less than 48 hours before her wedding. She was probably up to her eyes in all kinds of arrangements. If the cakes are truly fabulous (as I'm sure they are) loads of people will comment on them at the wedding and she will come to appreciate what you did for her, so for the moment at least I would be very gracious about the whole business. Go and enjoy the wedding and bask in the compliments that will come your way. You said yourself you don't like talking about money so don't start now.