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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is it good manners to invite someone you know to join you if you are at a soft play place?

53 replies

deaconblue · 28/10/2011 13:27

Took the dcs to a soft play place this morning. Was really busy so I sat down on the edge of someone else's table (obviously asked first if this was ok). Later on I noticed my friend's dd so I got up and looked for my friend. Was surprised when she said "I saw you walk up and down a couple of times" and then didn't invite me to join her and her friend. So I chatted for a couple of mins and went to sit back down on my own again.
This isn't a close friend, she's someone I see at a weekly coffee morning but there are only 4 of us who meet so it's not like we don't know each other. Thought it was really a bit rude and made me feel a bit crappy. If I saw someone I knew I would have called over and asked them if they wanted to join me.

OP posts:

ihatecbeebies · 28/10/2011 13:30

I think you are being a wee bit unreasonable sorry.

worraliberty · 28/10/2011 13:30

Depends on the circumstance really

If I saw someone that I just see at a weekly coffee morning, I wouldn't necessarily feel the need to invite them to my table if I was deep in conversation with my friend.

Maybe she felt it would have been rude to her friend she was with?

CamperFan · 28/10/2011 13:30

YABU and sensitive. Maybe she wanted to catch up with a friend?! Jeez...

Feminine · 28/10/2011 13:30

YANBU...I would have done too!

Trills · 28/10/2011 13:31

YABU - she was busy.

Bearcrumble · 28/10/2011 13:31

Was the friend she was with someone she doesn't see very often? If that's the case she might have wanted to just chat one-to-one or maybe they were talking about something personal.

IndigoSunshine · 28/10/2011 13:33

Hmm, that does seem a bit rude but maybe the other friend, who I take you don't know, was wanting to talk to your mutual friend about something personal and inviting you to join them meant she wouldn't be able to talk.

But if they weren't having a private talk then I find it rude she didn't ask you to join. I would if I saw someone I know on their own.

ihatecbeebies · 28/10/2011 13:33

Maybe if she was just on her own then yeah she should have invited you over, but she was busy with someone.

worraliberty · 28/10/2011 13:34

Also, if you had to get up and look for your friend...I'm assuming her table wasn't within immediate sight?

Therefore she might not have known you were alone when she saw you walking up and down.

TandB · 28/10/2011 13:37

I used to go to the same soft-play place as someone I really couldn't be bothered with. Sometimes I hid behind the play equipment.

duvetdayplease · 28/10/2011 13:39

i think yab a bit oversensitive, she prob thought you were with someone?

worraliberty · 28/10/2011 13:39

kungfu Did you pelt he with plastic balls as she walked by?

TandB · 28/10/2011 13:40

Good grief no! That might have attracted her attention and then I would have had to listen to her wittering on about nothing for the next 2 hours.

worraliberty · 28/10/2011 13:41

Pay a small child to do it....

worraliberty · 28/10/2011 13:42

To throw balls that is...not witter on for 2 hours about nothing (they do that for free)

TandB · 28/10/2011 13:42

I wish I had thought of that. I could probably have got DS to do it. She was so self-absorbed that she probably wouldn't have even realised it was him.

slavetofilofax · 28/10/2011 13:43

Yabu, she planned to go to soft play with someone else. She shouldn't have to divert her already very limited amount of attention on you you instead of the person she planned to be there with.

If I was the other friend, I would think it was a bit rude to invite someone to join us when we had planned to spend time together.

JamieComeHome · 28/10/2011 13:44

It would depend a lot. There are times I'd invite an extra person over, but there are times I might like to have time just with 1 friend. It might have been someone she doesn't see often, or there was a chat they needed to have, or she didn't want the complication of extra children to get along together in those nightmare hellhole places.

JamieComeHome · 28/10/2011 13:46

Am not entirely clear - do you know the friend she was with?

If you do, I suppose that could be construed as a bit ruder, but even so, they might have wanted/needed to talk 1:1

Original poster

deaconblue · 28/10/2011 15:45

No I don't know the other friend. I thought it was rude to have seen me and not said hello until I spotted her. Don't think it was necessarily rude not to invite me over but not very friendly either. She did see I was on my own. Has made me wonder if she maybe doesn't like me very much. Kids were miles away so wasn't to avoid too many kids

OP posts:

ghoulionine · 28/10/2011 15:51

I think it depends on the circumstances TBH.

Maybe it is a friend she has not seen in a long time and really wanted to spend time with her and her only to catch up.

Maybe she just did not think about inviting you.

Maybe she thought of asking you to join but was worried you would feel unconfortable with her other friend/her friend would feel unconfortable with you.

Maybe she did not realise you actually were on your own and did not want to disturb your plans.

I think YA a bit U and she probably is not evil

Groovee · 28/10/2011 16:05

I don't think it's bad manners at all. Maybe her and her friend haven't caught up for a while. I was going through a bad patch and was meeting a friend for coffee and dh's SIL turned up at the same place and plonked herself down at our table which I found quite rude as I really needed a listening ear.

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 28/10/2011 16:08

Maybe she didn't want to play host to 2 people who didn't know each other

Maybe she wanted to catch up with her friend

Maybe she and her friend were talking about something private

MrBloomsNursery · 28/10/2011 16:19

YANBU. She was rude. But if someone did that to me, I would just hold my head up high, ignore them, and look like I'm enjoying my own company rather than sit down quietly and not look happy.

ghoulionine · 28/10/2011 16:39

I really cannot see where friend was rude. OP didn't ask to stay with them only to be told "no we do not want you to join us", which indeed would have been a bit mrean. OP was in the same place as someone else she knew who were themselves in the company of another person, what exacly entitles her to be invited to join in regardless of the many reasons that were proposed on this thread as to why she might not have been invited to join?

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