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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to return to my former goth style aged 34?

81 replies

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:07

I have just done a practice run of my goth vampire outfit for a Vampire gig tomorrow. Due to sickness this week it has been put together based on stuff I have and some carefully chosen accessories, all a bit last minute.

And I have realised that I am now wearing pretty much what I used to wear as a 18-28yr old.

I have dark brown/black hair, short. Was this colour before I got dressed up. I am currently wearing:
soft black leather trousers, well fitted but not skin tight.
A lacy strappy black vest top, with a hole/crocheted black v long sleeved jumper over the top, torn in a couple of places, stretched out of shape (always was)
black chunky acrylic rose ring
black chunky acrylic rose blacelet
red small but chunky acrylic earings
pale face (not gothed my face up, pale due to sickly palour/partly my own complexion!) but with dark heavy make-up.
lip stud - clear crystal.
black nail varnish

(I will for my vampire outfit be adding some fangs, a little pillar-box hat/small veil on my head, chunky red teardrop crystal on black velvet lace, subtle bite marks on my neck, and, for coat, a full length black velvet coat which swishes as I walk, with white/black fur trim around cuffs and neck, and a collar that pulls up around my ears)

As I am now dressed, I feel so much more comfortable and 'me' than I have for many years, and realise how much of who I was has been 'eroded' you know through being 'normalised' for work and parenthood etc. It was never intentional to move away from this style, just happened, i guess i 'grew up'. But, i think, apart from the really heavy make-up which is ultra OTT atm, i look great! I feel 'normal' again. I can't even explain it. I have felt so out of sorts with myself, my identity in terms of what clothes to wear and I have always sort of hankered after my old style without really realising it fully until now. I used to dress like this ALL the time.

So, minus the fangs etc, and perhaps with toned down make-up (but still heavy), WIBU to revert back the old me and ditch jeans/t-shirt blandness, and not take up the smart casual average look I seem to be headed for. At least, some of the time? Maybe not the whole shebang for work though...

Or, have I just put back on my dressing up costume of youth, the one we use to hide our lack of confidence etc and I should grow the fuck up?

OP posts:
BadDayAtTheOrifice · 27/10/2011 21:11

Goths growing up
Maybe this may help?

shinyrobot · 27/10/2011 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakyfreakytoy · 27/10/2011 21:15

Go for it. No reason why age should stop anyone being who they want to be... perhaps with the exception of Vivienne Westwood, who really does look bloody ridiculous.

baskingseals · 27/10/2011 21:15

god - who says you can't be mature and look funky at the same time?

i'm 43 and still shop in topshop. squeeze my rather portly self into their skinny jeans on a daily basis, i just breathe in a lot.

really know what you mean about feeling like being yourself - clothes can help you feel good.

YANBU at all op.

Hassled · 27/10/2011 21:16

Fine for having a laugh/going out/whathaveyou. Not fine for proper RL stuff because yes, I think after a certain age you just end up looking like a twat who refuses to grow up.

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:18

lol, so in a word, yes but tone it down! as I have mostly done I suspect, with the dark hair, I have a tattoo, i mostly wear black anyway as I prefer it, i still listen to/enjoy my rock music (but also lots of other stuff!), so I guess I am a 'goth growing up'.

I shall therefore allow myself some time to be like this, but without the fang, and also without the stud chains/bracelets/necklaces I used to wear Grin

OP posts:
baskingseals · 27/10/2011 21:19

perhaps just a very little stud
Smile

countessbabycham · 27/10/2011 21:20

If you look at Abbey on NCIS she's in her 40's I think and she looks AMAZING.

Do it.

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:21

hassled i would not wear the little hat, or the fangs, or the bloodred teardrop necklace for shopping around morrisons. But maybe the leather trousers, the crochet jumper, black chunky jewelry, and. This is probably the biggest thing. My lip-stud. How about that for every day RL? I have not had it in since I bit too hard on a bit of pizza while pg with DD 5yrs ago, did not want to risk a blood infection by re-piercing it myself while pg, never got around to putting int back in. Turns out it never closed...

OP posts:
Snowballed · 27/10/2011 21:21

Are you wearing New Rock boots? If yes, then YANBU Grin

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:22

there is a profile picture on I think, with my hair the colour/style it is now. So that is how I look, but now with more make-up, no glasses!

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:24

snowballed i so wanted to wear those tomorrow. My friend still has a pair but they are too small for me. I attempted to squeeeeeze into them but they just did not work. Shame. I always wanted a pair, but made do with STC DMs instead...

OP posts:
microserf · 27/10/2011 21:25

no, absolutely not. do whatever makes you happy, within the realms of employability if relevant. weekends of course are all yours!

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:25

basking i can't wear my lipspike anymore as the hole is too small, so only able to wear just a little lipstud...just to give a sparkle. Although I did put the lip-ring in. Awesome, but definitely too young for me now...Grin

OP posts:
countessbabycham · 27/10/2011 21:27

What is it with all the too young for you crap???

You're only 34 not 85!!!!

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:28

micro tbh, I could probably wear this gettup to work! but would likely shock the hell out of my work colleagues. They do however consider me to be a would be goth. I am often surprised they are not surprised at my taste in music etc. This vamp night is an invite by a colleague I know not hugely well and not outside work and she thought 'this would be right up your street' and we have never talked about music/etc before! Maybe it is how I carry myself.

OP posts:
Bourbonchops · 27/10/2011 21:29

I think Goth toned down slightly looks great on ''older'' women. I'm thinking Amy Lee Evanescence. Not sure how old she is though

Snowballed · 27/10/2011 21:32

Pavlov - I got a pair on eBay last year 2nd hand for £29 & they're excellent! I'm 42 Wink you're never too old to be a goth!

microserf · 27/10/2011 21:32

i think you'll look great. do whatever makes you comfortable, and go for it. life is definitely too short not to.

FiniteIncantatem · 27/10/2011 21:33

I think that it's very easy to lose who you are when you have children. I'm nearly 37, but over the last couple of years I've gone back to the clothes that I'm most comfortable in, the ones that I feel the most 'me' in. I'm more 'rock chick' than goth, but it's the same principle.

If 'goth' is who you are, then go for it, you can tone it down, or be more 'out there' depending on the situation. I bet you feel far more confident in your goth clothes and that will make a huge difference in your life.

Growing up isn't about becoming boring and morphing into our Mothers, so dress to make yourself feel good!

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:33

countess I guess, I feel I have moved away from it all for so long, and having my second child has sprung the grey hair and the bags and saggy belly and wrinkles, and my sense of fashion is whatever I grab from a shop in a sale with half hour to kill and a handful of change...or worse, whatever MIL buys for my birthday Shock, i have forgotten what my age is meant to be like, not sure if that makes sense. I am not sure what is and is not ok anymore, now I am able to return to some kind of style that I might like.

Or, am i just afraid to try something new as it means choosing a whole new style. That is part of why I don't buy things that are not average, because the things I like do not go with average so I would need to buy it ALL so it all goes and then I might not like it all after-all. Not sure if that makes sense.

But I know I like this style. love this style. Not OTT goth, just more funky goth style.

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 27/10/2011 21:34

Amy Lee is only about 30.. hardly older woman territory just yet! Grin

But I agree, toned down Goth is perfect... you can do it with style, and not look as if you are trying too hard.

I personally dont think lots of facial piercings look great on anyone, especially people over 25... but hair and clothes are very easy to style.

I love rock music, and have always been punk/rock in my style... I am 42 now and have no intention of growing up just yet.. I just moderate it a bit if the situation demands it.

countessbabycham · 27/10/2011 21:38

Pavlov I understand what you're saying completely.

You don't need to discover a new you as you still like the 'old' you.You've just 'remembered' who you are.....

Original poster
PavlovtheWitchesCat · 27/10/2011 21:39

finite indeed, that is exactly what has happened i think.

squeaky I am wearing earings and lip piercing for vamp outfit, but funnily enough since I was about 25 (i fact exactly then as I started my career job) i only wore a lip-stud and nothing else, no nose piercings or ear-rings. before that I had two nose rings (next to each other, not one of each side), either lip-stud/ring/spike and 3 rings in each ear. after i started where i now work, toned it down completely. And agree, less is more!

OP posts:
Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie · 27/10/2011 21:42

we need pics.