Would I be unreasonable to return to my former goth style aged 34?

[PavlovtheWitchesCat]

I have just done a practice run of my goth vampire outfit for a Vampire gig tomorrow. Due to sickness this week it has been put together based on stuff I have and some carefully chosen accessories, all a bit last minute.

And I have realised that I am now wearing pretty much what I used to wear as a 18-28yr old.

I have dark brown/black hair, short. Was this colour before I got dressed up. I am currently wearing:
soft black leather trousers, well fitted but not skin tight.
A lacy strappy black vest top, with a hole/crocheted black v long sleeved jumper over the top, torn in a couple of places, stretched out of shape (always was)
black chunky acrylic rose ring
black chunky acrylic rose blacelet
red small but chunky acrylic earings
pale face (not gothed my face up, pale due to sickly palour/partly my own complexion!) but with dark heavy make-up.
lip stud - clear crystal.
black nail varnish

(I will for my vampire outfit be adding some fangs, a little pillar-box hat/small veil on my head, chunky red teardrop crystal on black velvet lace, subtle bite marks on my neck, and, for coat, a full length black velvet coat which swishes as I walk, with white/black fur trim around cuffs and neck, and a collar that pulls up around my ears)

As I am now dressed, I feel so much more comfortable and 'me' than I have for many years, and realise how much of who I was has been 'eroded' you know through being 'normalised' for work and parenthood etc. It was never intentional to move away from this style, just happened, i guess i 'grew up'. But, i think, apart from the really heavy make-up which is ultra OTT atm, i look great! I feel 'normal' again. I can't even explain it. I have felt so out of sorts with myself, my identity in terms of what clothes to wear and I have always sort of hankered after my old style without really realising it fully until now. I used to dress like this ALL the time.

So, minus the fangs etc, and perhaps with toned down make-up (but still heavy), WIBU to revert back the old me and ditch jeans/t-shirt blandness, and not take up the smart casual average look I seem to be headed for. At least, some of the time? Maybe not the whole shebang for work though...

Or, have I just put back on my dressing up costume of youth, the one we use to hide our lack of confidence etc and I should grow the fuck up?

And Amy Lee is waaaaay prettier than I am, could not look that cool if i tried

The thing is Pavlov that Goth has always been pretty cool (right back into the mists of my youth anyway)

I am comfy with the New Age Traveller look,but sadly,after watching 'About a Boy',I just can't!!!!!

It's only mundanes who whine on about people 'dressing their age' because mundanes have no dress sense of their own and have to be told what to wear by the media. Wear what you like and ignore any mundane whining because their opinions are unimportant.

Pavlov, I am 38 next week and still an old goth. I don't dress full on goth all the time but I can never look like anything but a goth as I fear it is stamped through me like a stick of rock. My 10 yo is a goth (and we went through the pink stage, the Disney stage and every other stage before she decided this was the way for her). I have tried once or twice in my life to be ungoth and each time I felt All Wrong and out of sorts as you say, and went back to the dark side. I have three tattoos, pink hair and fake eyebrows and think I may still be looking like this when I'm 90. I work with kids and they don't mind it at all. Please, if you are comfortable in your gothic skin, don't slip back into jeans and tshirt blandness, fly the black flag with me.

oh i hope DD doesn't do goth when she is older - only because she has the most amazing blonde hair, would hate her to dye it black! Although, I dyed my hair all sorts of colours from about 15 and my mum use to love me meeting her at work for lunch. She worked for government in whitehall area and loved showing off her 'cool' daughter with different hair each week 'oh look! she is red today... so I should think I will be the same if she does decide to get rid of her blonde!

I do think black suits me though. And as I have a naturally pale face, and naturally dark hair, just not this dark, so I am guessing the look is the 'natural' me.

I think I shall give it a go, I got to go buy some new clothes in the coming weeks, I will see what things I can find to indulge my goth style desire without looking like I am trying to be 20 again

Ladies, you have made me feel much better about returning myself to me

I have to say similar thoughts have run through my head recently, along with the excuses, all my stuff is too fancy, not for everyday blah blah, but I agree with you it may be time I give the other goth mum on the school run a run for her money!

I think the trick is for me it's all about the shirts and accessories, because I'm far too past it to wear tiny little skirts and the like these days and my New Rocks hurt my post pregnancy feet! You must keep us updated on your transition back to your roots and give me some ideas!

pocket I will! I spoke to DH about it this morning and he was less impressed than I am ! he was at me . I think I agree that it will be more carefully selected clothing and accessories, haircut/style and make-up, rather than the old corset, and chains, although tbh i was never a hardcore goth, more hair dye, black leather trousers, stud bracelets, piercings., only dressed full on for big nights out! I went between goth and grunge/rock depending on my mood and music into at the time, but def preferred the goth style on me, I guess I went more grunge as I grew older, which then petered out into bland!

HOORAY!!!! rattles chains Well done for rejoining the goths.

YANBU - I'm 30 and currently have dreads. My parents hate them and kee asking when I'm going to shave them off. I'm not planning to as I feel so much more 'Me' with them than before. I've been quite toned down since having children. I used to have blue/green/pink/red hair but have had it my natural colour and long and I just felt boring and dull and not me. Sounds like it would be similar for you.

OP - I think you would BU for dressing or acting a certain way just to fit in with your idea of what a woman in her mid-30s should look like. Bollocks to that!

If you're happy dressed in a certain way then go for it! As long as you don't get fired, divorced or arrested for it then I really can't see a problem!

I am a bit of a goth too [hwink] feel much happier the more dressed up I am, although for day to day SAHMing I tone it down.

My hair is dyed green, pink, brown and blonde - yes, all at the same time, I have an ear tunnel in that you can see through and I could hold a cigarette in it. I have my nose pierced. These things make me happy and just that little bit more like myself, rather than just mummy, wife etc.

I know where you're coming from - I did the same thing after I had DS1 and it took until I had DD to realise how uncomfortable I felt about myself. I'd tried to fit in with the other mums I'd seen at toddler groups and then at school and it just wasn't me. As soon as I gave up and went back to my old black-with-a-hint-of-black wardrobe and stopped trying to fit in with activities and conversations I had no real interest in, I was a lot happier.

Yes, wear what you like. If you think it looks stupid and needs toning down, you''ll do that but as long as you like the way you look and dress, that's all that matters.

I've recently grown my hair long, I'm in my early forties and for my thirties, I thought it looked a bit old/dated on me. Now I simply don't care. I wear it long and wear lots of tight jeans, nice leather/smart jackets, pretty shoes. I think it is very important to look like yourself, and within reason, you can pull in elements of that in your everyday life. So, I don't wear jeans/leather jacket combo in meetings, but when I'm not needed to look smart and weekends. You are only going around once in this life, you may as well look how you please. And no-one on seeing me has fallen on the floor gasping 'mutton, mutton' just yet.

thanks everyone, I feel very happy today, after doing my vampire thing last night! had a great night and met some cool people who are like me, have their daytime self with a hint of goth and their night time self where they glam it up. I won't be whiting my face in the day but definitely going to keep a few of the things going. In particular, I shall be keeping my lipstud in. I realise now how much I missed this. Have had it since I was 17, and have missed it very much. And I think, even when I do the whole jeans and t-shirt thing (which lets face it is going to happen!), I am still being more me than before.

Oh, this is a lovely thread.

I'm not a goth, but I do have quite an odd way of dressing. I've never changed my style. I had some guy message me on a dating site with "34 and still got a nosering, WTF?" which I thought was charming.

I've actually tried to dress like a grown up, can't do it, feel too uncomfortable.

PavlovtheWitchesCat

I've still got my lip stud in (had it since i was 14)
Fair enough, i'm now only 23 but i'm never taking it off. work are fine about it, i got married with it on, the only time i take it off is to clean it or for an MRI scan! mine's only a tiny surgical steel labret with a little ball on the end.

Do it do it do it!!

Also, have a read of this

wsa looking at pics on FB of girls I was at primary school with - we are now 44, she is obviously a goth now and she looked like a dreadful old hag, black is hugely unflattering near the face for older women and I think that whole pale,consumptive look is really nice when you area fresh faced smooth skinned youngster but not when older - sorry

and i would definitely have a read of this blog.

www.sophistiquenoir.com

About Me
Yes, dark fashion can be mature and sophisticated.

Gothic fashion, including career-appropriate attire, club outfits and everyday Goth styles can look classy and dignified on people over 30.

I think you're definitely doing the right thing!

I used to be really punked out, I've toned it down as I now work in a quite serious field but I still don't fit in... I've tried, I just can't wear normal clothes and a sensible haircut, it just feels all wrong.

I think accessories make the biggest difference. You can still wear jeans and a t shirt but make it more interesting and fun with the right accessories.

You should have seen some of the casualties at The Mission 25th birthday gig that I went to last night - whilst I agree toned down Goth looks great, I can confirm that total full on Goth regalia does not sit so well on 50+ wrinkly podgy people.

I have my own dilemma - I have some awesome knee length rock chick/goth 4 inch heel boots, but am in agony after about 2 hours in them. They absolutely kill the soles of my feet! Am I just too old to wear them, or does anyone have a solution? What are those gel thingys like, has anyone tried them?

here are some fantastic photos that go to show that any age is great

oh feenie my friend had those gel things in her boots yesterday, and said they worked a treat, she danced for hours with them in and a bit of walking too. Worth a try.

Excellent! Will have a go, thanks Pavlov

Oh yes, for heavens' sake, we need to try and look like us, not just respectable middle-aged laydeez. (I am 48, which is quite definitely middle aged, but am about to take two Respectable Wrap Dresses to charity as they are JUST NOT ME.)