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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that you should stay home if your baby has a cold

115 replies

lucindapie · 27/10/2011 07:18

I went to a mums and babies group for first time two days ago, the leader of the group's baby had a cold, and was sneezing and dribbling snot all over the place, now I've woken up with a sore throat, headache, generally feeling crap!
i know she was the leader of the group so kind of had to come, but could she not have got a substititute so her baby wasn't spreading germs everywhere!
In her words the baby was 'getting over a cold' but I don't think this applies if he is still contagious! I am so pissed off.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/10/2011 08:59

YABU. You're far more likely to contract a cold virus by shaking hands or taking change from someone with a cold than you are by being in the same room as someone with a snotty nose. Build up your immune system so that you're more resilient in future.

StinkyWeimaraner · 27/10/2011 09:00

Melindaaa YA also BU if you go to a soft play area and not be prepared to suffer the bacterial/viral consequences. We call them germ pits. And you can't really blame one parent for the germs when the place is crawling with them.

MrsStephenFry · 27/10/2011 09:03

Could you be any more PFB?

banana87 · 27/10/2011 09:03

YABU.

If you want to avoid getting a common cold then stay in yourself.

abeautifulbutterfly · 27/10/2011 09:13

Hihi I live in a country which is populated almost exclusively by people with the attitude of the OP and I am a true Brit (soldier on whatever). I only keep my kids home if they have a temp, otherwise they get issued with packs of tissues, are drilled in covering mouth with sleeve when coughing or sneezing (which they are surprisingly good at), and we ignore the raised eyebrows... I am supposed to have a dr's note every time they are off school before I let them back (hence why I don't keep them off!)

FFS if I kept them home everytime they had a cold I would never earn any money (self-employed WAHM). One of DD1's best friends (aged 8) gets taken to a private paed (I kid you not) every time she a)sniffs b) vomits c)has a temp of above 36.6C. Even the doctors (who are all antibiotics-addicted here) tell the parents (oh - and live-in-grandma) they're wasting their time, but they don't get it, they come back moaning at the quacks who can't spot an illness when they see one

ChaosTrulyReigns · 27/10/2011 09:20

How old was this baby? Was it mobile? Did you interact with it?

needanewname · 27/10/2011 09:25

Wait til your lo goes to school!

screamingbohemian · 27/10/2011 09:26

I'd say YABU but I've occasionally had the same thoughts myself

I think it's because my DS rarely gets colds, if he was constantly sick I would probably feel the way everyone else here does. But the few times he has been sick, it was after close contact with someone who really should have been at home, and it is a bit annoying.

butterfly are you in France? My French MIL wants to take DS to the doctor for everything

HeidiKat · 27/10/2011 09:26

YABU, its just a cold, I'm not planning on staying in every time DD has a sniffle or cough unless she is feverish or lethargic with it, people have lives to get on with.

TheProvincialLady · 27/10/2011 09:29

You don't know you're born yet. Wait until the first vomiting bug gets you, then you'll have something to complain about

Seriously though, I dislike it when people drag their obviously unwell children about, ie children with temperatures who and children who are listless and whingy, but colds are a fact of preschool life and you might as well get used to it now. If you protect yourself and PFB now you are only storing up the same viruses to catch as soon as they start school. Best get it over and done with now.

BertieBotts · 27/10/2011 09:34

You can't use echinacea if you're breastfeeding.

SeamStitch · 27/10/2011 09:37

I keep mine at home if they have a temperature or are coughing badly. If visiting a friend and I think one of them is coming down with something I'll always ring first and ask if they would prefer us to stay away, most reply to say that 'no come anyway, my DC have got a cold too'

I will go to toddler groups etc if they just have an occasional cough or a runny nose, as does everyone else. If you stay away from activity everytime your DC have a runny nose then there wouldn't be any toddler/baby groups, all the DC would be at home from October through to April.

All that being said, I was pretty annoyed when I took my toddler and newborn to a toddler group and a girl came in with chicken pox which had not yet scabbed over.

OP I think if you are going to be this upset about germs around your baby you are best to not go to baby groups until your PFB is a little older.
A baby with a runny nose 'getting over a cold' is the tip of the baby-group-iceberg, if you can't handle that you are better staying away for the sake of your sanity!

wonkylegs · 27/10/2011 09:52

My DS is 3.5 if I hadn't taken him to nursery every time he had a cough or cold in the past 3 yrs I would never had made it into work!

pigletmania · 27/10/2011 09:53

Yabvu life happens even if your baby is I'll. Kids need to go to school, shopping needs to be done. Life does not stop and you can't always stay at home, especially when you don't have family close by

2rebecca · 27/10/2011 09:54

My kids seemed to have about 4 years where they were snotty most of the time so YABU.

Hardgoing · 27/10/2011 10:47

I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable. I wouldn't have taken a baby to a baby group if they were really snotty and feeling under the weather as it's an optional thing. I don't accept babies have to be sick six months of the year, and it messes with their sleeping/feeding/breathing too. Sometimes, if mine had just had a cold, I'd miss baby group for a week or two as I didn't actually want a distressed baby with a temp which could be avoided.

I think baby groups are probably the worst for spreading germs, plus nurseries. If you have to use one for work, you have no choice but I know several people whose children were just constantly sick (and so miserable/bunged up/feverish) and one changed to a childminder in the end as the child would literally go to nursery for one day, get a cold, get sick, have to be off for a week and so on.

Taking a baby out to the shops with a cold is a bit different than taking them to a baby group and letting them dribble and snot all over the toys, probably the most efficient germ-sharing mechanism in the known world.

DejaWho · 27/10/2011 11:04

Oh just wait till they start school - you're going to flip out at the germs bouncing around the walls of the average nursery class (and number of children with green icicles of snot hanging off their noses being chased down by adults with tissue).

Tanith · 27/10/2011 11:05

Playgroup leader and registered childminder.

Laughs wryly at the OP.

Ghoulionline you'll love this: I have been accused of making a mint and profiteering from my Playgroup! We're lucky if we break even

GypsyMoth · 27/10/2011 11:10

Oh Lordy...just wait til they get threadworms and head lice!!

In fact, they may have already.

blackoutthesun · 27/10/2011 11:16

oh dear, i've just come back from baby group with dd full of cold

i did phone beforehand and asked if it was ok (dd fine in herself just snotty). was told that its fine if its a cold and not the ebola virus. the leader did laugh when she found out that dd is my pfb

twolittlemonkeys · 27/10/2011 11:24

YABU, my 3 yo tends to have a permanent cold from late October to March. Should I just hibernate for half the year?

ghoulionine · 27/10/2011 11:49

Oh yes I make a fortune too! because all the fees paid in go straight into my pocket of course not to pay for the replacement of brocken toys, insurance, snacks, craft supplies and dunes of playing sand that I am convinced the children are eating... (am lucky to have a very very low room hire cost, could not do it otherwise)

end of hijack

Maryz · 27/10/2011 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notcitrus · 27/10/2011 12:41

YABU - I was worried I shouldn't send ds to nursery with a cold (he was nearly a year), but the owner laughed and said if they didn't let in kids with colds, they'd never have any children to look after and none of the parents would have jobs!

After about 5 months of permasnot, he's hardly had any colds in the two years since.

creepypantsandzombierags · 27/10/2011 13:49

awww bless you OP. My 2 girls have literally one cold after the other all through the winter...there's no way we could stay at home. If the group leader introduced a "stay away if you have a cold" policy, there would be no group.

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