to ask you how old you were when you had your DC? and also WWYD?

[forpitysake]

I had DD when I was 30. She is 5 now.

I have been trying to track my periods for a while and try to find the best time in my cycle but always seem to be missing it.

I need to have a lumpectomy in Feb time to remove a benign tumour so nothing major but my dilemma is this: do I

1. delay the op and try for a 2nd baby now? The lump will possibly get bigger during pregnancy and will likely make BF harder (I didn't BF DD after 5 days as I had awful pain and nipple bleeding so it does put me off but I would like to try again) but at least I can then get it removed afterwards

or

2. have the op (probably Jan/Feb), recover, then try in earnest cos if we conceive straight after, then baby would be due after I turn 37.

I know plenty of women have their 1st DC older than I did, but I'm worries about not having the energy to deal with a 5yr old and a baby and it will be a while before we are at the same stage of freedom we are now with DD
(not as much like trying to organise an army just to go to the shops).

DH and I are discussing if another DC now would upset the balance we have too much, but would both also like another DC if we can.

Also, finances are not great right now but plenty of confidence it will improve very soon due to job changes.

WWYD and is there anyone out there who has kids later and how did it work for you being an 'older mum' ?

I would honestly put your own health first and sort out the op.

I was 29 and 38, and I would go for option 2, get yourself sorted first

I've found it's easier to look after a baby when your other is a bit older, they can do housework help out more

I would sort out your own health first, better to be 100% sure everything is ok.

I had my last at 39 with a 14 year age gap, he is now 10 and lovely. I am a long way from being the oldest mum with a child at DS's school.

I'd go with the second option too. Hope the lumpectomy goes well for you.

I was 23 when I had DS. I wanted to get my career, etc sorted first, but nope... Doing things backwards... as usual...

I would get the op first. As you say the tumor could grow during pregnancy and then do you really want to worry about going into hospital when you have a newborn to deal with?

I was 29 with my first and nearly 35 with my second so not much younger than you will be, but I didn't suddenly age a couple of decades during pregnancy, I still had plenty of energy (bar the very early sleepless nights phase) to deal with a baby and a child at school and then later a f/t job too. I am 36 now and whilst I am more organised than I had to be before, and yes probably a bit more tired at times, waiting a few more months before you start trying won't make much difference.

Actually the bigger age gap worked well for us as dd1 was/is very helpful and can do things like fetch nappies and wipes etc. and can be trusted to watch the baby while you nip to the loo

I was 34 for my first. I don't think that you are too old or anywhere near it but only you can know that.
I was never a young mum and have no idea what that was like but I have bags of energy still

It's a no-brainer for me. Have the op - it's only a couple of months away, and then try for number 2. 3-4 months isn't going to make a jot of difference to your energy levels in terms of coping with two, and at least the tumour will be removed.

Plus, your older one is 5 so presumably in school for a lot of the day. Much easier than coping with two under two, or even twins.

I had just turned 35 when I had DS and had DD at 36. I could go another, but need a bit of a break after having these two in quick succession. Realistically I'll be around 40 if/when it happens again.

37 is no age - that's me now and I have a 1 and a 2 year old on my hands. :)

I was 20 and 22.

Well, I was 25 and 29 but if I were you I'd have the op.

Recovering from op + baby + child = pretty tough going

I have an almost 5 year old and a just turned 1 year old - its not that tough. Energy wise tbh, more headspace wise iyswim and your ability to cope with that won't change in a few years.

I was 44 and will be 47 for no 2.Have also had lumps (benign) x 2 and breast malignancy in the family. I would go for the op asap and try for another baby after (I think a pattern is developing here!) Good luck with both your own health issues and the conception.

I am 31 and just had my 1st. If I were you I would have the op first because personally I wouldn't want to risk losing out on seeing my 1st grow up.

A mother at the daycare we use and a neighbour had breast cancer and didn't have problems getting pregnant, although one waited until she was 43 as she wanted to be in remission.

I didn't even have my first until I was 38 and then ds2 when I was 41. As everyone else has said, have the op then think about the next dc.

I was 22 when I had mine - I am 34 now and would love a second, but I think you should concentrate on your health first at the mo...good luck. x

Have the operation, then TTC.

I was 35 when DD was born and 38 when DS came along. Many of their friends have mums at my age or older. Honestly, it's fine.

I was 18 and 23, I would get your health sorted first then start TTC.

I'm now the grand age of 28 and an desperate for number 3 but we just can't afford it :(

I was 20, 23 and 24 I'm now 40, my friend has just had her 3rd baby aged 42. [other 2 are 14 and 17] Personally get your own health sorted that way when you do have a baby you can look after it properly. I also know of one woman who had to have her baby early to start cancer treatment.

I would have the op first too.

Can you keep getting in touch to see if it can be brought forward & that you are willing to go in at short notice?
(If that´s possible)

I was 19 and 23. Echo what others have said, have op first :)

Have the op first before you go through all the pregnancy demands on your body. I had DS at 37 and DD at 40 and I managed OK. It will be a shock for you going back to baby world when you have one at school, and the baby will get dragged around more taking your older one to activities, playdates etc but your older one will have so much mroe physical independence.

I'm obviously useless except for the purpose of wishing you all the best whatever you do.

I've just had my 1st at 37, but my Mum had me at 22 and my DS at 35 so an 11 year age gap (with none inbetween) and my sister and I are really close. I'd say get yourself sorted first, having the operation then having to go home and look after a baby and a six year old would be a nightmare!

I was 20 for my first then 22,,25,26 and will be 28 for dc5. I would see to your health first it is not that much more time and you need to have no extra worries etc for pregnancy imo.

I'd have the treatment now. Your chances of ttc success will be much better when you don' t have other worries on your mind.

Sorry, forgot to say I had DC at 32, 34, 36 & 40. Neighbour had her 2nd baby at 43 (he's bright as a button little chap, up at school now).

I had mine at 34 and 36.

Your health is your first priority. Get that sorted, get well and strong, then think about your next DC.