to ask you how old you were when you had your DC? and also WWYD?

[forpitysake]

I had DD when I was 30. She is 5 now.

I have been trying to track my periods for a while and try to find the best time in my cycle but always seem to be missing it.

I need to have a lumpectomy in Feb time to remove a benign tumour so nothing major but my dilemma is this: do I

1. delay the op and try for a 2nd baby now? The lump will possibly get bigger during pregnancy and will likely make BF harder (I didn't BF DD after 5 days as I had awful pain and nipple bleeding so it does put me off but I would like to try again) but at least I can then get it removed afterwards

or

2. have the op (probably Jan/Feb), recover, then try in earnest cos if we conceive straight after, then baby would be due after I turn 37.

I know plenty of women have their 1st DC older than I did, but I'm worries about not having the energy to deal with a 5yr old and a baby and it will be a while before we are at the same stage of freedom we are now with DD
(not as much like trying to organise an army just to go to the shops).

DH and I are discussing if another DC now would upset the balance we have too much, but would both also like another DC if we can.

Also, finances are not great right now but plenty of confidence it will improve very soon due to job changes.

WWYD and is there anyone out there who has kids later and how did it work for you being an 'older mum' ?

I only have one DS, now six months. Am 28 btw. I was rushed in for emergency surgery when DS was 13 weeks and it was horrendous, both leaving him for the four days I was kept in for and also coping when I came home, as DP's work couldn't give him much time off and we don't have much family support. Adding a 5 year old in the mix too would have been awful, so I would have the op first too.

Hope it goes well and your ttc journey is a short one.

Get your own health sorted first, you'll be in a much better position to TTC then.

I was 37 when I had my (one and only) DC. No problems related to age at all.

Another vote for the op first. Looking after a LO and a 5 yo after a operation has to be worse than to have DC2 later. What's more, if your finances are not great, think of all the pressure you'll be under on added to f the recovery and the kids.

and was 34 for DC will be 36 when DC2 comes.

I had dd1 at 31, dd2 at 33 and and dd3 a few months before I was 37.

I'd get the op over and done with, as a previous poster has said the stress of knowing you had put the op off might delay your chances of conceiving.

I was 24 when I had my one and only and despite him being 9 now, still haven't decided if we want another one! How's that for procrastination?
I completely agree that you should try to get your own health sorted out before you TTC No.2. Best of luck to you and your family.

I was 26, 28 and 30. The small age gap was fine.

I've had (and will be having more) medical treatment with a 6,4 and 2 year old. If I could have had it with just the 6 year old, and had a slightly bigger gap between the DCs then I definitely would have chosen to. Also, I won't be able to have any more as a result of the treatment, but still wouldn't risk delaying it for the sake of having a baby first.

Hope all goes well with treatment and future babies xx

Have your op first and get your health sorted.

I had mine at 37, 41 and 43. Your DC1 will be older and at school so you will find it easier when yuo have another child.

I was 19 when I had DS. I would wait And concentrate on your health.

I had my first when I was 25 then a long gap & three between 31 & 36. The easiest combination was when I had a 6yo & a new baby, that was lovely & fun :)

I'd go for option 2 tbh.

get yourself sorted first. My dad's brother is 8 years younger than him, and never have their been two more closer siblings.

I had DS at 27 and DD at 28yo. I wanted them close together as I wantedthe nappy stage over and done with as soon as possible, so it made sense to me to have my DC's close together. Turned out DD was concieved when DS was just 3.5mo .

You should get your lump removed as soon as you can and then try for your next DC and don't let all that's going on stop you from TTC. Go for it lass .

I agree with what a lot of posters have said. Your health is central to your family. Take care of that first.

I was 19,21 and 24 and I always used to say that i'd never have a baby past 35.

Trouble is, I am now 33 and I would absolutly love another baby, but have been single for 6 years now so it is unlikely to happen anytime soon. Because of that I have changed my opinion, which tbh was a bit rubbish anyway, and would consider my cut off 45.

I would get your health sorted first for definate

I've had DCs young (21 and 23), and I've had them older (32 and 36). And while yes, I was way more tired at 36 than at 21 it was also much much easier - I was more confident, more financially secure, life was easier.

Wait, get the op done, then go for it.

I was 24 and 28 when I had my 2. I'm 33 now and wouldn't rule out another in a few years. I would definitely have the op first.

I was 33.5 and almost 37. You need to sort your boob out first.

I add also, that I had huge problems feeding DS and was very prone to mastitis with dd although it was successful the second time round. I had had a benign lump removed in my 20's and as I hit my early 40's (peri menopause) was very lumpy and have cystic breast disease - always having a lump aspirated - at least once a year anyway - but always benign. This would have been an underlying condition and may well have been the root cause for the breast feeding probls.

ALL breast problems should be sorted out as soon as possible and so please do that first and then start getting pg. It will be a minor op and there's probably nothing to stop you getting pg within a month or two. Also, can't you get ovulation kits nowadays.

I had DD at 30 and DS at 34 - the age gap IME has been great. They adore each other (so far ) and DD is old enough that she can be pretty independent but also helpful.

I have a friend who has a 4yo. She's keen to have another DC but has had gynae problems since she was a teenager which have worsened since her DC was born. She's just had surgery and has been told it'll be at least a year until she can ttc. She's a little disappointed in that there will be a bigger age gap than she initially hoped but she's very much taking the view that she needs to be well before she can take on having another baby.

Definitely get the lump sorted first. Is there anyway you can bring it forward? Offer to go in at short notice if there is a cancellation or something (quite likely in winter because GA and colds don't mix well). But even if you can't, February is not far off and 37 is definitely not too old.

(To answer the question, I am 35 and trying for my first.)