To think I am not her other source of childcare?

[mustgetabackbone]

Name changer (just in case!)

I have a neighbour with 4 children, i have 2.

we would occasionally help each other with school run etc, however recently i find all i do is caart her children around.
i take one to an after school acytivity and back again.
I usually recieve a text or two a week asking me to take two of them to school with mine,
If one is ill she askes me to look after them while shes at work,
she put me down as a contact for the private nuresry for her two youngest without asking!,
If there is anything on after school she asks me to take her kids back and forth, even when her husband is home from work in time

She has a childminder and the private nursery but I'm starting to feel like the unpaid help, but I can't stand confrontation and say no.
I understand she has 4 but I have 2 including a younger one, which makes chasing after her two harder.
She has on a few occasions helped me, but i can count this one one hand, Infact me havinhg her kids is a running joke at the school gate.

There is more detail to it, but I dont want to outed, just moan!

You know what you must do. It's never going to stop unless you put your foot down. What a cheeky mare

Say no without saying it.

"sorry it's not convenient today" then smile. Do not immediately say WHY it is not convenient, as she will unpick your reasons.

if she asks however, you could say:

• I need to go to the pharmacy straight after school

-I need to go into town after school

If it fails, just start asking her to take yours more often, so at least it's quid pro quo.

[delurks]
So, how did it go this morning?

I so hate piss takers like your neighbours. Do pleae come and tell us that you have made them back off

Maybe OP has been bumped off by neighbour for standing up to her... What a selfish neighbour and really hope OP gets sorted!

karmabeliever:

On POL's thread a genius poster (sadly, not me), pointed out that if she is working while you look after her dc, then she is deriving economic benefit from your free labour. You are doing what she would otherwise have to pay someone to do. Too right you should be angry and too right you should put a stop to it.

That was me! Thank-you muchly!

PreviouslyonLost

Please post a new thread - we are all dying to know...!

mustgetabackbone

We are all behind you!

BranchingOut -POL has posted an update thread here in AIBU.

"the plan was she'd take my son on a monday and I'd take hers on a thursday, only she doesn't take my son on a monday, i still do."
I would sooo throw that in her face.

Wind back the clock 10 years. I'm a SAHM, Other Mum works. She has two children, I have three. Our eldest DSs are friends.

OM starts with little favours - could I collect DS from school and keep him for half an hour until she gets back? Could I be her emergency contact for school? Would it be OK to pick up both her kids today? She will only be an hour late ... Could she drop them off before school tomorrow - around 8am? Next week she has to be in London - could she drop them off at 7am?

Within a couple of years her kids are virtually living at my house on schooldays. I am feeding them breakfast and tea and supervising their homework, maybe 3 days a week, rarely less and sometimes more. DS was invited back maybe once a month, if that. My other DC were never invited round "because they aren't the same age as my DD and they are boys, so she wouldn't want them here". (My DS were in the school years above and below her DD, but one was only a month younger than her DD.)

That went on for over 5 years. Why did I let it happen? Well, my eldest DS has mild SN and finds it hard to make friends, so I was pitifully grateful that he had made a friend at all, or so I reasoned with myself at the time.

Fast forward 10 years. Our DS went to different schools and no longer see each other. I have seen OM frequently in our very small town over the years. She walks past me as if she has never met me.

mustgetabackbone: Balls. Grow. Now. Polish several times daily as required.

She sounds like a cheeky bitch with a sense of entitlement bigger than the universe! Just tell her no! You don't need to give any reasons or say sorry, just a "Nope, won't be able to do that" will suffice. People like that are very thick skinned and you will need to be consistent but she will get the message eventually when she is continually not getting her own way and will move on to the next doormat friend.

I did a favour several times for an ex-friend, looking after her child whilst she went off on spa days and suchlike. However then I realised that she was actually only talking to me at the school when she wanted something, and at other times if she didnt want anything she would just ignore me or be very off with me, so I started saying no to her requests. She didn't like it at all and took great offence that I wouldn't do as she said, and now she doesn't talk to me at all, but she's actually done me a favour as she was never a proper friend in the first place, just a user, and I have no time for users.

OP do you have an update for us ?

OP, only just seen this thread but just want to offer my support and say that sometimes the ONLY way to put a proper stop to this sort of nonsense is to say outright that you feel you are being used and you are NOT their childminder and you will not be doing any more childminding errands for her anymore.

Before I had kids I did childminding for a woman with 2 kids. I was working for her obviously but she took the piss in the most unbelievable ways, turning up hours late, leaving NO food in the house for me to feed the kids, agreeing with friends that I could look after their 3 kids most afternoons, not paying on time etc. I was the biggest doormat. Eventually I flipped. We had the most enormous fall out and she NEVER admitted she had been unreasonable but I was shot of her and I didn't care ( I quit imediately and she didn't seem to care). I learned my lesson and have never let anyone take advantage of me the way she did.

Do not worry about offending her, she is not your friend she is using you. I also hate confrontation but have found that this is the ony language this sort of people understand. They are totally self absorbed and selfish. Wish you good luck. Keep us updated.

just start taking your car to school for a while to break the habbit - you have a dodgy knee so want to rest it as much as pos. Also you have various jobs after school/after activities and couldn't do it with lots of kids in tow.

Hey all.
Sorry for not posting again, but just to let you know I've not been bumped off!

Just an update, it's now down to one day, and I'm planning to stop that this week as well, I have 'plans' you know!

I just wanted to thank you all for helping me grow some balls [ twirls round to show new balls off ] couldn't do it without you all!

Well done, OP!

Put a stop to it this week, OP, and do not look back. You owe this person nothing and they don't give a fig about you.

Oh goodo, I love a Cheeky Bastard thread

Forgot to ask - how did she react, OP?