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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

we're not on the same page

31 replies

MrHeadlessMan · 26/10/2011 11:58

I am an avid reader, though I don't get much opportunity these days, just a page or two while I'm falling asleep. My real love is reading non-fiction: autobiographies, history, science, nature, etc. Often when I'm reading I'm amazed by something I read: how matter and energy are the same thing, the politics of tea growing, how our bodies work, that kind of thing.

Sometimes I really want to share these with DW. But after a couple seconds she'll roll her eyes and say something like "you lost me at hello". Then she goes back to her own book about how Marilyn wants to get together with Dave, but he's gorn orf with Sarah. (I've tried reading her books and to be honest I'd prefer to eat them.)

AIBU to wish she was equally excited and interested about these things?

OP posts:
squeakyfreakytoy · 26/10/2011 12:01

Grin As you cannot get excited and interested in her choice of literature, then why should she share your enthusiasm!

LaurieFairyCake · 26/10/2011 12:02

You don't have to have everything in common you know Smile

Dh and I don't read the same sort of books either.

MrsOzz · 26/10/2011 12:02

Yes you are unreasonable to ask her be interested and excited, but you are not being unreasonable to listen to what interests you.

Luckily my DH and I both did our PhDs in similar sciencey areas so we are both geeky and enjoy the stuff you like. However, I also read the 'Marylin wants to be with Dave, but he has gone off with Sarah' type books too!

SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/10/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OchAyeTheNooPal · 26/10/2011 12:02

Yes YABU. You can't force your DW to share your enthusiasm if she's just not interested.

worraliberty · 26/10/2011 12:03

Sorry but you lost me at hello too Grin

aldiwhore · 26/10/2011 12:03

YABU

Ocassionally I am mildly interested in DH's stuff, he has many anoraks and I love him for it, but I don't love his interests as much as him, or even remotely like them if I'm honest.

And he does not find knitting patterns fascinating, I don't expect him to either.

You sound like Odie, quit yapping and enjoy your 'things' in peace whilst your wife enjoys hers... by all means mention it ocassionally, or even (heaven forbid) ask your wife what she's up to and feign interest for a few moments if you're feeling sharing, but otherwise, you have your thing and she has hers.

giyadas · 26/10/2011 12:03

Yes. YABU and a bit snobbish. People should be allowed to read whatever they like for fun.

Schnarkle · 26/10/2011 12:05

You don't want to read her books. She doesn't want to read your books. Sounds perfect no fighting over the same books.

YABU, she obviously doesn't want to be educated by you while trying to enjoy some time out with her own book.

ImperialBlether · 26/10/2011 12:05

I think the problem is that you are trying to talk to her when she is absorbed in a story. She has to suspend disbelief to become engrossed and needs to feel she's in her own world whilst she's reading.

I'm sure the books you're reading are really interesting, but you won't get any sort of conversation if in her head she is still in her story.

Try talking to her about them when you're out for a walk and you should have a good conversation.

pictish · 26/10/2011 12:06

Yabu. Sorry.

I hate that sort of chick lit trash myself - inspidid, predictable rubbish that it is.

But hey - it's not up to me what other people enjoy reading, and there's nothing worse than being bored by someone else's pet subject, that you have indicated no interest in.

My dh likes to enlighten me about things he finds fascinating...like music trivia and natural history....and at times I think he is being very rude expecting me to stop what I'm doing and give him an audience.

I have to say "Remind me again.....WHAT did I ask?" to stop him.

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 26/10/2011 12:07

Oh, lordy, matter and energy and tea growing. Spare me. At the end of the day I want to be able to read my own book and be left in peace to do so.

Even if I were interested in the same topics as DH, there is nothing more tedious than having someone explain something they've just read in a book. Honestly, there isn't.

ConstanceTenchOfZombies · 26/10/2011 12:07

zzzzzzzz

[hgrin]

squeakyfreakytoy · 26/10/2011 12:08

Often when I'm reading I'm amazed by something I read

I often get the same when I am reading a good Jackie Collins Wink

pictish · 26/10/2011 12:08

God yes...my dh tells me the plots or findings of his books. I never do it to him. Why? Because it's dull as shit.

SharrieTBGinzatome · 26/10/2011 12:10

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MatureUniStudent · 26/10/2011 12:11

Two things - I have to use my brain all day on really smart stuff doing a lot of reading. I would rather pull my eyeballs out than read more really smart stuff in bed before sleeping. Give me Danielle Steel or Richard and Judy's book of the month any day. Dosen't mean I am not smart which is kind of what I felt you were alluding to with your DP lack of interest in your really smart stuff books.

Second thing - join a book club. They would love you there. You could talk about cerebal things that happened in your books and no one would roll your eyes. (except me when I made the mistake of joining one, and found I couldn't follow a word of their impressive espostulations).

FetchezLaVampire · 26/10/2011 12:12

Is that you, darling?

giyadas · 26/10/2011 12:12

I notice you haven't listed feminism as one of your topics of interest. Perhaps you should stop wasting your time on that other rubbish and read something worthwhile Wink
After which you should both be reading Terry Pratchetts back catalogue.

pictish · 26/10/2011 12:15

It's a good topic though, even so.

My dh has a habit of wanting to lecture. He thinks he's engaging me in an interesting conversation about something fascinating. Not so. He is droning about something I have not asked about, and don't especially care to listen to.

I hate ending up being snippy at him about it, but really....it is very rude of him.

VelvetBag · 26/10/2011 12:18

Hmm perhaps she is doing more than you which means she is more tired than you therefore she needs something more relaxing at the end of the day?
Just a thought....

Original poster
MrHeadlessMan · 26/10/2011 12:23

OK, to clarify a couple things:

I don't want to force her into anything. It's just that once in a while (I don't think it's japping-Odie style!) I'll read something and really want to share it.

She is very very smart and she'd had more education than me. I think this just adds to why I'm completely baffled by her choice of books.

Point taken it is probably a form of escape for her, and that I should leave her to read in peace. Even though my books are clearly superior Grin

OP posts:
MatureUniStudent · 26/10/2011 12:26

(Book Club) (join one) (they will be like you)

TheRealMrsHannigan · 26/10/2011 12:44

YABU to want to make someone be interested in your books.

I am a total bookworm, and will read almost anything, DH doesn't read, ever. Never seen him pick up a book. He however, is very 'techie' and loves gadgets and gizmos, as well as his bearded dragons. I am not much interested in either of these areas.

Seperate hobbies/interests are healthy in a relationship, stop boring your wife Grin

Tortoiseinadarkspell · 26/10/2011 12:57

Dude, I'm a lawyer, and I am very, very, very intelligent. I still don't want to read pop science books in the evenings, and I definitely don't want people Explaining them to me. I have spent all day deconstructing case law and then all evening negotiating with a three year old, now I want to read a nice fluffy story about some people who wear Fracas and bonk a lot.