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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ? depressing abusive relationships .... get out now !

46 replies

twoofus · 25/10/2011 23:01

aibu ? folks come on here in depressing abusive relationships and simply refuse to leave the offender ? what about the children ? they did not ask to be brought into a disfunctional relationship, and these people simply do not see, or refuse to see the long term damage they cause !

sorry am ranting but I have been in what was heading towards being an abusive relationship, mental and physical and i ran as fast as my fat little legs would carry me, why can these people not do the same ?

as a mum i want to come on here to chat about kids, get and give some help and advice, but am getting fed up of reading other folks woes ! do these people not see life is what you make it ?

question ... are some people so desperate to be in a relationship they will put up with any crap, and inflict the same crap on innocents ???

(putting on hardhat and ducking for cover)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/10/2011 23:02

Question...if you're fed up of reading other folk's woes, why bother logging in?

runningwilde · 25/10/2011 23:04

I know what you mean but there are many reasons and some people are not as strong as others or it is 'easier' to live a lie rather than face reality. It is very very sad

Wooooooooooooooppity · 25/10/2011 23:06

What is the point of this thread?

You know you are being unreasonable, you don't need to ask.

If you don't want to support people in abusive relationships, choose another section. Feminism is always good. And I hear chicken-keepers is excellent.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 23:10

Your view of abusive relationships is too simplistic for them to give you a compassionate reaction OP.

If it was just a case of realising you're in an abusive relationship and leaving straight away, don't you think people would do that?

The fact you've put on a hardhat and ducking for cover shows you know you're being unreasonable.

AnyPhantomFucker · 25/10/2011 23:20

I do hear what you are saying

You are a strong person, right ?

who hasn't had their self esteem shot to pieces by the time they exited the womb ?

for those who have, I reserve the right to support them, even though I scream (inside) for them to just walk away

it's not so black and white, mostly never

Original poster
twoofus · 25/10/2011 23:21

the point of this thread is am fed up of people who have (and continue to) make bad choices are patted on the hand and told there there when there is no intention of them doing anything about it, i duck as i know the general view is to pat on the hand and say there there

on the rare occasion i do log onto mumsnet its clogged with folks in bad relationships who seem to sit back, moan and accept ... why ?

i agree it is very very sad

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 25/10/2011 23:22

Oh go away!!! What do you know!??

Original poster
twoofus · 25/10/2011 23:23

i hear what youre saying any, but what about the ones who are brought into these relationships ? since becoming a parent i simply cannot understand why or how you can put up with abuse ... what about those who cannot ask for a different life ?

OP posts:
AnyPhantomFucker · 25/10/2011 23:24

I never pat on the hand and say "there there"

where have you seen that ?

can you give an example?

there areone or two posters that have surfaced this week who appear to be trying their best to convince people that they are not in an abusive situation and that all they have to do is be nicer to their man ...they are being vigorously countered though

but that is not the norm

MN, almost by definition, has very low tolerance for promoting tolerance of abuse as a rule

not sure which threads you are reading

HerScaryness · 25/10/2011 23:25

what a fucking idiot

GypsyMoth · 25/10/2011 23:26

Having been there I can promise it's never as simple as get out!! Foolish op..

HerScaryness · 25/10/2011 23:26

oh did I say that out loud?

whoops. sorry.

AnyPhantomFucker · 25/10/2011 23:27

OP, you perhaps need to thank your lucky stars you are not currently embroiled in such a relationship

I too struggle to see how women appear to prioritise some sad fuck over their children

but it happens

sometimes it takes a long time before someone can process quite how badly they are being treated, because it is all they know

what about them ?

are they "stupid" ?

BupcakesandHaunting · 25/10/2011 23:27

Oh why don't you fuck off?

Not quite to your liking? We don't run quite to your agenda? Then set up your own forum and invite who YOU like to it.

I take it that you've never been in an abusive relationship and are too ignorant to educate yourself on the mechanisms of how they usually work? How dare you be so vile about other women in hopeless situations? Go on, sod off.

Angry
GypsyMoth · 25/10/2011 23:28

We are all thinking it herscaryness!!

GypsyMoth · 25/10/2011 23:28

Op, what does this mean 'as a mum'??!!?

You will be complaining anout the swearing next..

AnyPhantomFucker · 25/10/2011 23:28

Scary, I shall give it 2 minutes more, then press the destruct button

GypsyMoth · 25/10/2011 23:29

*about

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 23:29

You say they get patted on the hand when other people can see they're making bad choices, but these aren't people who've committed a criminal offence and are getting an adventure holiday, they are people living in a complex situation with histories and experiences most people wouldn't understand.

Most people don't want to understand, and probably for good reason because it can be distressing to hear such awful things really do go on.

Which is why MN is so important, because it's pretty much full to the rafters with posters who don't get fed up with hand patting and encouraging OPs to explore their lives and make the right choices for themselves and their children.

I agree it's very very sad, but I also find your hostile and impatient attitude sad as well.

akaemwahahahafrost · 25/10/2011 23:29

Hide the relationships board.

And then just carry on being so clueless Smile.

AgentZigzag · 25/10/2011 23:30

X-posts with lots of outrage there Grin

HerScaryness · 25/10/2011 23:32

Borrows AF's Holy Bike and fucks off to try and turn that TrollDar off again.

Beginning to understand the appeal of Mouldies now tbh....

Onemorning · 25/10/2011 23:32

YABU. Be happy you don't have inside knowledge of an abusive relationship.

And fuck off back to la la land

BoscoWillHauntYourDreams · 25/10/2011 23:32

You know for years, I thought the same. I worked in my little office in my own little world, everything happy safe and equal. Then I began working with the homeless sector and as a result, the local DV unit. And boy were my eyes opened.

The most unlikely, strong, intelligent women, reduced to shadows of their former selves, beaten down, broken down. I didnt understand, its a different life to the one I live, but Im learning. And the one thing I HAVE learned, is that it is NOT THEIR FAULT. You say "why dont they walk away?" I say " why dont their other halves STOP abusing them?"

There but for the grace of god OP. Just thank your lucky stars YOU were able to get away.

cory · 25/10/2011 23:33

Yes and people who have been knocked out in a car crash are unreasonable not to get out before the car catches fire Hmm