AIBU ? depressing abusive relationships .... get out now !

[twoofus]

aibu ? folks come on here in depressing abusive relationships and simply refuse to leave the offender ? what about the children ? they did not ask to be brought into a disfunctional relationship, and these people simply do not see, or refuse to see the long term damage they cause !

sorry am ranting but I have been in what was heading towards being an abusive relationship, mental and physical and i ran as fast as my fat little legs would carry me, why can these people not do the same ?

as a mum i want to come on here to chat about kids, get and give some help and advice, but am getting fed up of reading other folks woes ! do these people not see life is what you make it ?

question ... are some people so desperate to be in a relationship they will put up with any crap, and inflict the same crap on innocents ???

(putting on hardhat and ducking for cover)

Come on everyone, don't bite. If this were serious it'd be in Relationships.

Let's kill the thread.

Gone already op?

Fucking bully for you, OP, and congratulations on being such a strong person. What a shame not everyone is as clear-sighted as you. Honestly, you'd think that abused women would, after years of having their self-esteem trampled by violent and manipulative partners, just magically regain the ability to make complex and terrifying decisions and sort themselves out. God help anyone who can't, eh?

Get a life, some compassion and a bit of insight.

Some people.

< climbs aboard the christ on bike and does a wheely before disappearing off in a cloud of dust >

never thought of it that way! Cheers OP,

at AnyFucker.

Hah! twat. OP, not AnyFucker.

Lots of dull uninspired troll posts tonight.

OP I would say I'm a strong person, but the continued bullying and abuse takes a while to register sometimes. You can be with some one you loved only for them to turn into someone you don't recognise. You look for traces of the person you once loved to still be there.

You forgive them because that's what you do in a loving relationship.
Then one day you realise that it's not right, and that your children are going to suffer by witnessing this type of behaviour, you may even see the result of this in their behaviour. This is where you gather strength.

Even with lots of support from other people it's very hard to break apart the family you've worked so hard to achieve, and it will be you that's worked that hard if the other person is abusive.

I think that most women who leave take a while to 'mentally leave' and plan it in their minds first. That takes a while and with every cycle of abuse the plan becomes a reality until one day, you are brave enough to do it on your own.

Some of us take longer than others. But we do get there and the support of other people is very important in the process.

was it a troll

Runningwilde, it's not about "strength."
Many of us grew up in dysfunctional families and have no idea what a good relationship is like.
Also people assume other people are nice and give them the benefit of the doubt until it's too late.
By that time they are so beaten down they don't believe they can manage on their own, have been isolated from all kinds of support?emotional, practical or financial?and browbeaten into believing that the way they are being treated is normal and acceptable, or that if things are not good they are to blame.

It doesn't matter if this was a troll

The lurkers will read, and understand

Twoofus - glad you're lucky enough never to have been in the unfortunate position to understand where the people you decry are coming from. Long may it continue.

True AF
It is hard to explain how someone can wear you down to a point where you doubt your own view point and experience. It's still happening even though i've been divorced a good few years. If you have children the controlling ex still has an avenue of control over you if you aren't careful.

Yes becuase its SO EASY to leave a relationship when you have kids, piece if piss

shut up OP

OP - you've made a really stupid comment. Not all women are strong and see what is happening in their lives is wrong. It's not that easy.

OP - don't read it then, simple

not even going into what a twatish and completely useless point you were trying to make

Oh do sod off.

Well she didn't stick around long!

You know, when you're in one of those relationships, you really do get destroyed...

Things from the outside are so different. When you're in those relationships, you have your fears, your insecurities, everything played against you. Everything.

Don't judge, until you've walked a mile in an abuse victim's shoes.

I am strong, I am bright, I am successful, I am resourceful, I am sociable, I am attractive, I am sensitive, I am sensual, I am engaging, I am witty, I am well read, I am very well educated, I am a fantastic mother.

I have had every one of those qualities battered out of me over the past eight years.

I now know I was groomed for two years before I even started a relationship with the fucker. I thought I knew him.

What I didn't know was that he'd spent two years working out every single button to push to wear me down.

If he hadn't been dumb enough to let his guard down and show his true colours - because he thought he had me so low I wouldn't fight back - I'd still be there questioning how I could 'be better'.

Walk away? Simples

I am a strong person, I had to be to survive 10 years of emotional abuse.

I know people don't mean any offence, but to see people in abusive relationships described as not being strong, it makes my blood boil. All those lucky enough not to have experienced abuse, don't assume it's because you're stronger. Reserve judgement.

LOL SirHumphrey I suddenly had a lightbulb moment. That's what threads like this are about aren't they?

"I am considerably ... stronger/ more sensible/ better at making choices/ insert virtue here ...than yow"

We don't know you. We're all anonymous. It doesn't matter how much better you are than everyone else. No one will ever know. [hgrin]