To think this is really cheeky?

[AVoidkaTheKillerZombies]

I meet up with the people I met at the NCT when I had DD - we all meet up once a month.

We only have one baby left who hasnt had a birthday. The last time we met up she (the Mum) asked if we could meet up at a soft play place. It transpired that she wanted her DD to feel like she was having a party but she didnt want to pay the 'extortionate' prices for parties.

I was a bit at that but as we are going to meet up anyway so its not too much of a bother, but she has this afternoon emailled a list of prestents for her DD's 'Party' - so she expects us to pay for our own children to go to soft play and buy a gift, and all the presents on this list are £15+.

AIBU to tell her we will come to the 'party' but I am not getting a gift. We havent doen gifts as a group before so its not like its a tradition.

The gift list is either incredibly cheeky or a bit of a mistake. Especially if you say the group doesn't usually do presents, are you sure it was meant for you?

Also are you sure you have to pay for the soft play? Whenever we book our local place for a party it's generally the case that you pay for your guests.

You could deliberately "misunderstand" her email, and Reply All saying "Wow what a haul! He's a very lucky boy to have such a generous family"

Or you could misunderstand EVEN MORE and say, 'goodness, how generous, do we really all get to choose a present for our child? What a lovely idea - it's never too early to teach our children that it's nice to give!' [hwink]

the thing is, people like this get away with it and the others all fall in line, because they are too weak to challenge it.

She will get away with it this time, and next year or at christmas will do it all over again. And all her cronies will bow down and acquiesce.

I would just email back say sorry i am confused, is it a party or not. If yes, then can we expect food and drinks to be provided.

nope, don't take part - say you are busy on X date so can't come, but would be delighted to have everyone round to yours on Y date.

Send cheeky mare's child a card in the post from your DD with a note saying "sorry I can't come to your party".

Leave it as that.

btw, love the names lydiawickham and mrsjasonbourne!

Can you get in touch with the other members of the group and sound them out on this? It would be awful if they all went along with the £15 present thing and you were the only one that turned up empty-handed.

I wouldn't go.

God some people are very socially challenged aren't they?!

I'd go if it's a nice soft play place and would have taken a present if she hadn't sent that email, but I wouldn't now. I'd just put it down as an NCT meet outside the house(s).

I would feel bad not taking something but resentful if I did so lose lose!
Simple solution would be not to go.

YANBU, a mum I know recently had a birthday party for her DD held at a soft play centre, only like yours it was more of a get together than a proper party, meaning it cost money to get snacks, drinks etc from the cafe while there, although luckily my DD is still young enough to get in for free. I took a small present and have not had any acknowledgement or thanks, I wasn't expecting a handwritten note or anything but surely a text or facebook message wouldn't have been too much to ask. I don't think I will bother taking any present in future, at least the mum in my case didn't ask for presents, to do that is beyond cheeky and rude.

she is taking the piss writing you a list of presents.