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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so angry about something so totally trivial that my heart is pounding with rage?

90 replies

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 25/10/2011 16:16

and despite the fact I had logged off, I have logged back on again just to rant about it?

AND I have quite possibly ranted about it before anyway?

AND in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter?

putting pans and mixing bowls in the wrong place.

Yes. That's what it is. I have just gone into the cupboard to get a pan for the veg. All the pans are piled up inside each other. About 3 pots up - the plastic mixing bowl.

Every. Bloody. Time.

I have to take everything out and put the plastics on one side, put the pan set in order and the big pans on the other side.

and Every. Bloody. Time.

Himself just makes the one huge pile on one side, of everything. Open cupboard - sling it in.

I feel the red mist right now. I could ruddy swing for him.

Every time, I tell him PLEASE don't do that. PLEASE put them in their proper place. Look - THIS is how they go. Can you see?

And every time he says yes, ok, fair enough you freak

AND THEN HE PILES EVERYTHING IN THE ONE BLOODY SODDING FRIGGING ROTTEN DAMNED BLOODY SPOT

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 25/10/2011 16:53

but Posie, it's not a thread about feckless useless men, it's a thread about people who have different ideas of the right way to do things feckless useless people. I am fairly sure DH has similar gripes about me - I just can't remember right now what it is that I do "wrong"

Swankyswishing · 25/10/2011 16:54

My DH does the same thing; just opens a cupboard and chucks it all in. He also puts things that he "doesn't know" where to put on the worktop for the kitchen fairy to put away on his behalf! Grrrrr

PosiesOfPoison · 25/10/2011 16:56

I know Hecate that's why I said thread and not OP!!

Jbck · 25/10/2011 16:56

YADNBU, one day if DH doesn't shut his bloody wardrobe door he'll find it shutting on his big fat 'does it to annoy me' head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's better.....breathe.

Solo · 25/10/2011 16:58

I would take everything out of the cupboard and put them on the floor individually and leave them there until he gets the message.
But then again, I'm single and a slattern...

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 25/10/2011 17:04

Hecate - there's not a jury in the land that would convict you if you lamped him over the head with the frying pan. My ambo driving mate would beg you not to finish him off in the bath

BarkisIsWillin · 25/10/2011 17:06

We're married over 23 years. Got a new kitchen about 11 years ago so naturally a lot of things were rearranged. Dh still puts things away 'where they used to go'. Or leaves them on the worktop for the fairy me to put away.

ScaredtheDeesusOutofMe · 25/10/2011 17:10

My DH is pretty competent at putting the washing up away where it should be. Apart from the cheese grater. It's weird but it's like he has a blind spot for it - I never know where it's going to end up next.

And it drive me absolutely crackers. [hangry] He knows where it goes. He agrees that that particular cupboard is where it should be. But for some unknown reason he always just sticks it somewhere seemingly at random. Including the cutlery draw....wft!!! We've even moved house and the problem continues.

If I ever get too wound up about it though he reminds me that after I saw Sleeping with the Enemy for this first time, the first thing I did was rearrange my kitchen cupboards so they looked exactly like those in the film (ie all the tins lined up in lovely rows)...

Nowtspecial · 25/10/2011 17:14

Omg plate armageddon. I hear that. My OH leaves butter lids loose on the top of the tub, drives me fucking MENTAL. Ok, so throw packets in the freezer without being closed but for the love of all things just put that fecking lid back on already.
Dontcallme that's what drives my OH mad too, the plastic tub rain.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2011 17:17

My dh is pretty well-trained, as regards putting pans/crockery etc away in the right place. He washes up as he goes along when he's doing the cooking, and has even been known to clean the hob and oven. He is, in many ways, the perfectly domesticated dh.

But going to the supermarket with him fills me with apoplectic rage, because of the way he puts stuff into the trolley and then the way he packs the bags at the checkout.

If I am on my own, I try to keep things together in their different catagories - freezer stuff, fridge stuff, fresh meat, fruit and veg, store cupboard etc - and then at the checkout, I load the conveyor belt from the organised trolley, and pack the bags so that things stay together, because that way it is so much easier to unpack everything - this bag goes to the freezer, those bags have the stuff for the fridge, that one is toiletries, those are fruit and veg etc etc.

Dh, on the other hand, just flings everything into the trolley, onto the conveyor belt and into bags willy nilly, so that once we get home, everything has to be sorted out before it can be put away. And he just doesn't get that my way is so much easier and more efficient. It takes no extra effort to put things into the trolley in an organised way, and then getting it onto the conveyor belt, and packed into the bags in similarly organised fashion, is a doddle.

I do the supermarket shopping online now - just so that there's absolutely no risk of my having to go shopping with dh after all, the life insurance wouldn't pay out if I mowed him down with a shopping trolley and stuffed his lifeless body into a freezer alongside the Birds Eye Fishfingers.

Ormirian · 25/10/2011 17:17

Ah hecate! You see my heart agrees with you but my head has started to try to see things another way - I can't complain about him not doing things around the house if I then insist 'There Is Only One Way To Do Things And That Is My Way!' So I have to bite my tongue a lot.

I want a spotlessly clean and tidy house. I want washing up done as soon as it is used. I want washed clothes folded and put away (or in the ironing pile) as soon as they come off the line. I want newspapers put out for recycling as soon as they are read. I would like for DH not to fart! But I am not going to get those things anytime soon So I have to settle for Things Being Done Anyhow Because At Least I Haven't Had to Do Them.

Problem is I don't know what is him being useless and what is me being overly-fussy.

YouHaveToCallMeNighthawk · 25/10/2011 17:22

:o at drives me bankers!

CurrySpice · 25/10/2011 17:23

swanky I hear ya! How can someone who lives in the same house "not know" where things go.

I remember ex telling me he couldn't put the DDs' clothes away because he didn't know where they went. How the actual fuck can that be?!?!

I told him that that was not a proud boast!

GRRRR!

lockets · 25/10/2011 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistlethrush · 25/10/2011 17:28

My bugbear is the laundry. We have got to the stage where he does sometimes hang it up of an evening (although if he goes up first he carries his computer so doesn't take the washing so doesn't hang it up) (- we had a 'discussion' about his shirts and the fact I left him to hang them up - and I suggested that I could amend my pattern of hanging of laundry and just hang up my tops and leave him to do the rest if he thought I was being unreasonable). We hang washing in the bathroom on a drier as we run a dehumidifier - so it dries overnight usually.

If I start hanging out the washing, I remove all dry clothes, sort them into appropriate piles and distribute. If he starts the washing, it simply gets squeezed onto the drier with the dry clothes - so usually we end up with lots of damp clothes in the morning instead of two sets of dry clothes. Does he think that there's a fairy that magically removes and sorts the washing????

sportsfanatic · 25/10/2011 17:30

My DH has "must cover every horizontal surface with paper" syndrome. Opens the post, scatters it all over the kitchen island: if I hurrumph he sighs and moves it to the dining room table, it then migrates to the sideboard to make room for another load on the kitchen island, dining room table etc. Then he can't find the important piece he was looking for. So I suggest that he puts all the various things in folders, then he says he will forget to act on whatever needs acting on. So then I say well why not put them in your study then? But the trouble is that looks like an explosion in a paper mill so then he still can't find anything.....Ah, the grand circle of life.

He is a love and would walk over hot coals for me but he just cannot bring himself to acknowledge that it isn't the cleaning that takes the time, it's the endless picking up and putting down of BLOODY BITS OF PAPER.

MsWeatherwax · 25/10/2011 17:32

I do this and it drives DP mad, and I promise to put it away tidily next time etc. Am doing quite well with it at the moment as the last time he rearranged the cupboard (with a lot of huffing and puffing) I got him to explain what was kept where and why and some of it has stayed in my head so far. But then it's the resentment of emptying the dishwasher than sometimes leads me to carelessly sling things in.

fizzwhirl · 25/10/2011 17:35

OP, I have a solution for you: get stacking tefal saucepans like these: tefal

The idea is that the saucepans don't have a handle, so they all stack snugly inside each other - (mwah ha ha - try getting a mixing bowl in there DH!) - and you just get a couple of clip-on handles which you use for all your saucepans and frying pans.

They really are wonderful. In fact, 3 years after getting them, I still sometimes stand looking into my pot cupboard, admiring how beautifully and effortlessly it all fits in. Admittedly, I was never very good at saucepan tetris, and my pot cupboard was always a horrible mess which only held 5 items but was still impossible to get anything out of.

The only downside is that the inside wears a bit quicker than most pans, because the next one sits right inside: the image is a bit misleading - they stack neatly inside rather than stick out the top. If you are super-organised you could keep protective cardboard in between each one - they do come that way. But only a crazy person would be that obsessive about pans, right?

Whorulestheroost · 25/10/2011 17:37

Pmt?!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 25/10/2011 17:37

I feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone in my madness over this seemingly irrelevant issue. DP's issue is the baking trays. All different sizes and have to be stacked in SIZE ORDER otherwise if you pull one out, then they all fall out

skrumle · 25/10/2011 17:58

for me it's the way he packs the dishwasher (incompetently, lazily and in a way that means the dishes don't get cleaned properly).

i have now resorted to the if-you-can't-do-this-the-way-you-should:

you don't respect me enough
to care about my feelings so clearly
you don't love me and
i have to wonder why we are even married

line of argument. which is a tad OTT but it is one of those I'M GOING TO KILL YOU hot-button issues for me so i feel your pain! and YADNBU.

Angelico · 25/10/2011 18:10

LMAO YANBU at all, my husband is an angel but he has occasional maddening kitchen habits that make me think I could end up on Crimewatch...

Astronaut79 · 25/10/2011 18:16

I'm not really allowed to put things away in cupboards. I'm definitely not allowed to put teh food shopping away when that gets delivered. I rarely wash up(not my job), but on the occasions I do, Dh got so frustrated with my creative stacking, that he drew me a diagram!

Inmy defence, I do put clothes away properly(my job) - unlike Dh, who throws them in a drawer then leaves it open. how? How can you not close a drawer?

Squitten · 25/10/2011 18:23

This thread is great [hgrin]

DH also does the lousy shopping packing thing too. For someone who is apparently so logically-minded, he's crap at working out the geometry of cereal boxes in carrier bags.

And he'll do a load of dishes in the sink and not wash any bloody cutlery! I mean who does that?! The draining rack has a little holder especially for cutlery and NOT for jamming a glass in!

aStabbingStrangleways · 25/10/2011 18:33

yanbu. it's just something about kitchens. my elderly grandmother and her partner came over today to see the kids. they brought lunch, as always, and afterwards they washed up, as always. my kitchen is pretty spotless - all surfaces wiped, hob clean etc. i am eternally grateful. and yet this evening as i went to get a plastic bowl and discovered all the glasses stacked in there, i rolled my eyes and did a little 'ffs' to myself.

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