Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that where DP has to get up earlier than me, he should make an effort to get ready quietly without waking me up?

77 replies

WrongSideOfBed · 25/10/2011 09:01

He isn't. His radio alarm goes off - and he leaves it on. He opens the curtains, and the bedroom door and turns the bright hall light on. His electric toothbrush goes on (open-plan bedroom and bathroom).

This morning, I am mightily pissed off, because all this has woken me up an hour earlier than I would have otherwise. When his kids stay with us (a few nights a week), our sleep is disturbed because they're all early risers (4am-6am), and the toddler wakes and cries throughout the night. So especially when our respective kids aren't here, I'd hope he'd potter about quietly and let me rest.

I grumped about this this morning, and he said simply that without the radio alarm, he won't wake up in time for work (but why does it have to stay on?!), and he can't see without lights on. No apology. No sense of giving a rat's arse about me getting enough rest. And he said, "You go to bed later than me and disturb my sleep getting into bed, but I'm not grumpy." I apologised, but added that I at least try to get ready quietly in the other bathroom, and I don't turn any lights on.

Oh, writing this makes it seem petty, and maybe it is. And I'm premenstrual this week, so maybe I'm overreacting. I'm just bloody grumpy, and don't feel particularly cared about or respected.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pinner35 · 25/10/2011 09:04

You need to get him one of these www.robertsradio.co.uk/Products/Accessories/Pillow_Talk/index.htm

My DH listens to the radio last thing at night, and uses it for his alarm. This speaker kept us both happy.

mollschambers · 25/10/2011 09:04

What time does he get up?

My H (not D this morning - moody git) does the opposite. If I go to bed earlier than him he makes no effort whatsoever to get into bed without waking me. Big light on, crashing about, talking to me FFS....

Pascha · 25/10/2011 09:08

Ask him to use the other bathroom in the morning, as you show him the same consideration in the evening. Then once he's up and out of bed he can leave you in peace.

My DH's alarm goes off at 6am, he flicks the lamp on and gets dressed quick, before switching it off again and creeping out of the bedroom and shutting the door. Once the door's shut he no longer disturbs me.

We evolved this when the Boy was small and feeding at night, to allow me time to catch up before he left at 7.10am and it seems to work well now.

SansaLannister · 25/10/2011 09:10

Now you see why he's someone's ex. How inconsiderate and rude.

mrskeithlemon · 25/10/2011 09:13

YANBU. I sometimes feel like no one gives a shit about me and all seem to think I am superwoman who can survive without any rest/free time/me time

WinkyWinkola · 25/10/2011 09:14

Well, we are all someone's ex, aren't we? Wink

But that is extremely rude behaviour. I'd be telling him exactly how he should be behaving in the morning.

If he doesn't show you basic courtesy, then can I suggest at the weekend you do the same as he does - get up an hour earlier, leave the radio on etc.

It may sound childish but I bet you only have to do it once.

Shutupanddrive · 25/10/2011 09:15

YANBU very annoying! DP tries his best not to wake me or dc's up when he gets up for work (6am or sometimes earlier). I would be pissed off too, if I was you

NotQuiteCockney · 25/10/2011 09:16

My DH's alarm goes off, he turns it off and gets out of the room.

All the clothing he needs for work is stored downstairs, so he doesn't need to go through drawers at all in the morning. I should be more appreciative of this! (Although, to be fair, I always get up on weekend mornings to wrangle the kids, as I'm rubbish at actually sleeping in, and of course I do that quietly.)

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ · 25/10/2011 09:19

I work shifts, DH is a 9-5er. We often have mornings where one of us has to get up and the other doesnt. It involves turning the alarm off as soon as it buzzes, and picking up a pile of pre-arranged clothes and leaving the room. That's it. No lights, no music, certianly no opening the curtains. DH once tried to spray his deodorant in the room and I did my best impression so he has now moved these items to the bathroom (where they belong ime)

TheSkiingGardener · 25/10/2011 09:20

Don't be considerate tonight when you go to bed later than him. Then tell him why and see what he says.

slightlymad72 · 25/10/2011 09:26

YANBU

My DH gets up at 4:30, his alarm goes off I elbow him in the back, its become such a routine most of the time I don't even wake up to do it, he takes the clothes he piled up the night before and goes into the bathroom, there's no curtain opening, no lights going on, he even slowly closes the bedroom door.

At night time, if he goes to bed before me he will leave the bedside light on so I can see where I am going and read for a bit without disturbing him.

Georgimama · 25/10/2011 09:28

I need to know what time he gets up before I can decide whether he is being unreasonable. If it is 6am or later I don't see what you have to grumble about in all honesty (unless you are a shift worker and only came to bed at 2am, but your OP didn't say so).

Ormirian · 25/10/2011 09:31

It would be nice if he did but it's not a question of 'should'. I got up earlier than DH this morning as he's on half-term. I turned the radio alarm off as soon as it woke me, got dressed quietly and went downstairs to dry my hair. But he got up to to take me to work anyway.

IMO the poor bugger that has to get up to go to work when everyone else is still in bed deserves the most consideration

MrsVoltar · 25/10/2011 09:31

My DP does same but he's the one going to work & I'm not (SAHM) so I don't worry about it.

When I did work, it used to really annoy me!

MrsVoltar · 25/10/2011 09:32

Yes, agree Ormirian

ashtangini · 25/10/2011 09:33

YANBU. I get up at 5am, two hours before DP and DS. I have my alarm under my pillow so only I can hear it and I tiptoe about in the dark getting ready. I know how annoying it is to be woken up so I try not to do it! I am a sleepoholic though.

Georgimama · 25/10/2011 09:35

IMO the poor bugger that has to get up to go to work when everyone else is still in bed deserves the most consideration

YY to that.

gardenpixies32 · 25/10/2011 09:39

YANBU - it is selfish.

My DP is selfish too and does the same to me. Farting, brushing teeth, lights on, asking me various "have you seen" questions...Keys, woolly hat, wallet etc.
Dont you know, having a vagina means you know where everything is any time of day!

StopRainingPlease · 25/10/2011 09:40

Totally agree with you OP. 6am Georgimama? That time doesn't exist in our house!

sungirltan · 25/10/2011 09:41

my dh does this too. not the radio alarm but he goes in the living room and turns on the tv AT 4AM when he goes back to work in the north sea. looking back when he did civils and did an 8 to 6 job he was a lot more ocnsiderate. op yanbu he is being selfish.

Georgimama · 25/10/2011 09:42

Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a (wo)man healthy, wealthy and wise

dontcha know.

mycatoscar · 25/10/2011 09:44

Yanbu

My dh gets up before me a couple of days a week and he makes sure he turns the alarm off quick and leaves me to sleep while he gets dressed and ready in the spare room, he gets his clothes in there the night before. I do the same if I ever have to get up before him it shows consideration IMO plus he knows better than to deprive me if sleep these days lol Wink

Hammy02 · 25/10/2011 09:45

YANBU. DH has all his clothes ready in another room and gets ready in there. He always switches the alarm off within seconds of it going off. Just simple manners really. I do the same too on the odd occassion I'm up before him.

NhameCage · 25/10/2011 09:46

Leave him.

aldiwhore · 25/10/2011 09:47

This is a very good argument against open plan bedroom bathrooms. Smile