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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that where DP has to get up earlier than me, he should make an effort to get ready quietly without waking me up?

77 replies

WrongSideOfBed · 25/10/2011 09:01

He isn't. His radio alarm goes off - and he leaves it on. He opens the curtains, and the bedroom door and turns the bright hall light on. His electric toothbrush goes on (open-plan bedroom and bathroom).

This morning, I am mightily pissed off, because all this has woken me up an hour earlier than I would have otherwise. When his kids stay with us (a few nights a week), our sleep is disturbed because they're all early risers (4am-6am), and the toddler wakes and cries throughout the night. So especially when our respective kids aren't here, I'd hope he'd potter about quietly and let me rest.

I grumped about this this morning, and he said simply that without the radio alarm, he won't wake up in time for work (but why does it have to stay on?!), and he can't see without lights on. No apology. No sense of giving a rat's arse about me getting enough rest. And he said, "You go to bed later than me and disturb my sleep getting into bed, but I'm not grumpy." I apologised, but added that I at least try to get ready quietly in the other bathroom, and I don't turn any lights on.

Oh, writing this makes it seem petty, and maybe it is. And I'm premenstrual this week, so maybe I'm overreacting. I'm just bloody grumpy, and don't feel particularly cared about or respected.

AIBU?

OP posts:
callmemrs · 25/10/2011 09:48

Agree with ormirian.

Minus273 · 25/10/2011 09:56

YANBU. DH puts his alarm off as soon as he wakes. He gets dressed with a lamp on so the main light isn't keeping me awake.

maswera · 25/10/2011 09:58

I am cross on your behalf - what an inconsiderate twat. Couldn't disagree more with Ormirian et al. Obviously lacking basic manners and consideration.

Ilanthe · 25/10/2011 10:03

I am the offender for this in our house. I get out of bed quietly (but might have hit snooze once or twice first), have my shower then come back in, either turn the light on or open the curtains, get dressed and use the hairdryer.

In my defence, by the time I am crashing about it is 5 mins max before DH's alarm goes off anyway and he only sets it to listen to the radio anyway. He moans a bit, sometimes, but not as much as he does about me coming to bed and reading when he wants to go to sleep. Blush

On rare days I am sleeping in DH creeps about and keeps DS out of my way until he has to leave the house.

TaffyandTeenyTaffy · 25/10/2011 10:18

YANBU - DH puts his clothes out on the landing the night before, switches his alarm off/straight away, and showers without disturbing me - I moan about him either leaving the light on on the landing as it is right in my eyes, or slamming the door shut as he takes the dog out.

If you have told him this annoys/upsets you and why and he does nothing about it then then he is disrespecting you

zest01 · 25/10/2011 20:53

What time does he get up though? I get up at 7am and DH doesn't need to atm as he is off with the kids, however I don't creep about with the lights off I get ready as usual. I'm not being selfish but it's bad enough being the only one has has to be up and out of the door when everyone else is looking forward to a fun day, without feeling like I should be tiptoeing about apologising for it as well. DH actually gets up and makes me tea and breakfast, out of appreciation for the fact that I am having to go to work and he isn't.

If it's before 6am yanbu but if it's after than yabu

eurochick · 25/10/2011 21:07

He's an inconsiderate arse. When one of us has to get up really earl (4am or something to catch a flight) we sleep in the spare room and have everything we need in there so we don't need to disturb the other person at all. If it's just half hour earlier or something we just creep about as much as possible to avoid disturbing the other person.

minxofmancunia · 25/10/2011 21:13

YANBU, I used to get up at 5am for an early shift and was quite as a mouse, clothes ready in bathroom, no lights etc.

Dh sometimes gets up at 6ish or earlier these days, he's quietish but he does use our ensuite and pull the curtains open a few inches...I've told him in no uncertain terms to use the other bathroom, and not even tweak the curtains Grin

KSal · 25/10/2011 21:13

I get up at 5.50, DH at 6.30, I get up in the dark and go and get dressed etc in another room. I get mightily grumpy if he wakes me up when he comes to bed later than me....

don't understand why you would want to wake someone up unnecessarily. If they volunteer to get up and keep you company/help you then great...

so YANBU... not at all

BattyDevineIntervention · 25/10/2011 21:14

I don't see why 2 people need to be awake when it can just be one, doesn't matter who is up or in bed or why, in the overall scheme of things.

My DH doesnt creep about at 5:45am but is quiet and respectful. I wear earplugs and an eyemask to help facilitate me staying asleep to filter out things beyond his control - he needs some light, he needs to make some noise.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 25/10/2011 21:19

YANBU

Even it was 'only' an hour before you were due to get up, there is no excuse or reason to wake you. If I'm commuting on the early train I'll have a quick shower, get dressed in the ensuite and then go downstairs to do hair and makeup.

hepcat · 25/10/2011 21:29

YANBU- my ex used to do this too. Bang, bang, crash, crash around the bedroom. It would drive me berserk, especially when DD was an infant and he would actually wake her up too, after me being up all night feeding and trying to catch up a tiny bit on sleep.

My DH and I get up at the same time now so that's OK- but he does have the insanely irritating habit of reading with a head torch on when he comes to bed at night. I wouldn't mind so much except when he turns in my direction and shines the goddamn thing in my face.gaaaah

olibeansmummy · 25/10/2011 21:35

YANBU my dh puts the big light on and sits on my feet, even expects me to get up and make him a brew if i dont have to get up before him yet moans if the tv comes on a bit loud downstairs when I have to get up at 6 am with ds!

olibeansmummy · 25/10/2011 21:36

Lmao at reading with a head torch :o

aquashiv · 25/10/2011 21:38

I am a very light sleeper and wear ear plugs so I can't hear the bloody cock across the road. If he displayed such cock like behaviour at such an ungodly hour he would would be sleeping with said cock.

MrBloomsNursery · 25/10/2011 21:41

YANBU. I have to admit, even though my husband is not in my good books today, he never wakes me up when he gets up. Normally I can hear him shower/brush his hair etc, but this morning I didn't even notice him leaving the bed! He's good like that. Grr, not happy with him today though.

madmomma · 25/10/2011 21:44

YANBU at all. Inconsiderate and annoying. On the rare occasion my dh does this it irritates the hell out of me.

GnomeDePlume · 25/10/2011 21:46

I'm with Ormirian on this. As the poor bugger in this house I would be mightily hacked off to be told that I had to scuttle off downstairs to wash and dress in the cold just so the rest of the house could stay cosily tucked up and not have their sleep disturbed.

mummyosaurus · 25/10/2011 21:49

My DH gets up at 5.30 am

He puts his clothes in the spare room the night before, so when his alarm goes off he can silence it and sneak out in the dark, shutting the door behind him and not wake me up.

He even manages to unload the dishwasher silently and shut the front door quietly.

I had to boll*ck him a few times to achieve this.

Good luck.

likelucklove · 25/10/2011 21:57

YANBU, men seem to enjoy doing this Sad

My DP gets up at 5-o-frigging clock to go to work, had to turn on light, makes noise whilst finding the same clothes, and even puts music on sometimes!

I think a movement needs to be done like WWWPS (women who want peaceful sleep), such as moving everything out of bedroom night before and putting a lock and key on light switch?

This is a very serious issue in my house, all the best in dealing with him!

GnomeDePlume · 25/10/2011 21:59

Why dont partners get up? I can understand why not if they have only just got to bed or are getting up in the night but otherwise? I hate having to get up early day in day out anyway. It is so much worse when you have to do it alone.

Unless you have a good reason and just not wanting to get up isnt a good reason why not get up with your partner? Have an early breakfast together.

skybluepearl · 25/10/2011 22:05

My DH sneaks out of bed and has everything ready to go in the lounge - clothes, shoes, bag, lunch etc. He doesn't even pull the loo chain in the morning before he leaves and parks slightly away from the house so he doesn't wake me or the boys up when he starts the engine. I really appreciate this and pay him back by letting him have the odd very long lie in.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 25/10/2011 22:06

Why on earth would anyone want to get up earlier than they have to? How odd to expect your DH/P to get up if they prefer to sleep (which is a perfectly good reason) just so you don't have to have breakfast on your own. Have another meal together that makes you both happy.

lubeybooby · 25/10/2011 22:12

YANBU

When I was married and had to get up earlier than exdh I would get the clothes out that I needed and put them somewhere grabbable, turn my alarm off quickly, grab my stuff, exit the bedroom making barely any noise and get dressed in the bathroom/living room

Exdh would have the snooze go off x 4, put the lights on, slam the wardrobe door, use the hairdryer then go off and bang and crash around the kitchen. At 5am [hangry]

edam · 25/10/2011 22:14

That would drive me MAD. Is he generally a selfish pig, or is he grumpy about having to get up early and taking it out on you? Either way, he needs sorting out. Not On At All.

I'm the one who has to get up before everyone else in our house, and I creep around being very careful not to wake anyone. It's not that hard.