dp's family assuming the domestic is my realm...

[PinkPoncho]

since we've had the children, I've been a bit suprised how my dp's sisters and mum seem to think that the domestic stuff is all my job. For example, they remind me of various relatives birthdays (on their side of the family) and i say OK, I'll remind him... or basically in conversations assume I do all the laundry/cleaning..they are thinking of trying to get me a dishwasher! They are nice but is that the norm (eg being in charge of relatives pressies etc)

Robot If male entitlement did cascade then my DH would be (near) useless. It was his Grandad (and Grandmother to be fair) who were horrified his brother did his own ironing. FIL is a little better- he does the drying up, some DIY pottering and probably wouldn't starve if MIL left him on his own for a week without a fridge full of pre-prepared meals. My DH does at least his fair share on all household stuff, actually he does all our ironing, probably more than half the cooking and doesn't duck childcare either. He's great [hsmile]

My in-laws don't assume the housework and cooking is my domain (as DH is very competent) but they do, erroneously, assume I am better at remembering birthdays (for cards/presents), writing thank you cards and making social arrangements.

DH, incidentally, does not assume any of the above. (Otherwise I would not have married him!).

I sympathise totally. My (not quite) MIL does this; she also expects me to arrange visits (or more usually blames me when DP doesn't visit) - she also expects me to help with dinner/washing up/coffee etc when at hers (DP and his brothers sit on their arses); She is constantly sympathising with DP if he tired and saying he should rest and getting me to do stuff - I work full time DP doesn't!
we held a christening party and she kept asking me where she could put her fruit salad - i told her so many times that DP was in charge of desserts ( i was in charge of everything else including sick DS) but.....

I do worry though- DS is very young at the moment but I think her influence could be dangerous!

Not in my house! I have no idea when his family's birthdays are - no issues with the family, all lovely, but remembering and cards is strictly his issue.
And when they visit, he cooks - just to make a point, FIL wouldn't know how to boil water. Oh and he has also told them that I make a lot more money than him, they were but I have not heard anything about me ironing his shirts. :o

next time they remind you of a b-day, tell them to tell DP. And ask why they want to get you a washing machine and not DP as you share the domestic jobs.

The dishwasher thing is difficult because it is a generous offer and you don't want to seem rude or ungracious about it. I really would find it an odd present to give to one partner though, rather than to both or 'for the new house' or similar.

We have modern/old fashioned thing going on here.
When DH is home, he and I split the house work, cooking, laundry, running errands and such 50/50.
There isn't a domestic job that he isn't capable of, including sewing, ironing, and even knitting!
He is amazing with kids of all ages, and gets on really well with ours.
He is in the Navy, and is away for months at a time. When he is gone, obviously every job becomes mine, except bringing in the bacon.
At all times, I look after the money side of things. I pay the bills, manage the savings, maintain the ledger, renew policies and licenses, and run the money calander.
He does hand over his pay and get an allowance.
It works.
We each have our strengths, and we work to them.
And he buys the cards for his people, I buy for mine.

My mil insists that she brought my dh and his brother up to look after themselves,do their share etc-ha fecking ha!! Thats why when we go there for dinner she expects me to help set table,dish up dinner and wash up while dh and bil sit on their arses

In-laws certainly have the "all women in kitchen, all men on sofa" thing going on. I have to remind my husband when they are visiting that this does not also apply to him. Grandma-in-law didn't believe me when she phoned up one Sunday and her grandson was cooking the roast dinner. When she went away on holiday she organised a rota system of friends to provide meals for Grandad-in-law - although to be fair at the age of 90 it's possibly too late for him to cook now.

I do not do his family birthdays, with the exception of small nephew who is only 4, and I think it would be sad if he missed out because his uncle is useless. Although husband's brother sent nothing to my small boy on his birthday.