Childlike adult behaviour

[annalicious]

Good evening, I am a new member with a slight concern! I am the Mum of a seven year old beautiful daughter, who is often getting left out from schoolfriends lives due to the fact that I (a very busy mummy) don't have time to stand in the playground with the rest of the clicky mums gossipping! I find it very sad that my daughter falls foul to such shameful adult behaviour..........................Am I being paranoid, no this is really happening?! Help

What exactly is she missing out on?

I have no idea.

You are talking as though you think you're superior to those other Mum's though. Perhaps they're picking up on that attitude from you?

Are they not busy? Are you not a mum as well? Are they a different species? These threads always puzzle me, the assumption that you are different/smarter/less superficial/busier etc etc than others who are probably just normal people, like you.

Disclaimer: am not the greatest mixer and have no school age children.

Are they genuinely awful in terms of proven behaviour or are you just assuming?

I'm in the same position, and I'm afraid it's something you have to put up with unless you're willing to do most of the inviting.

I've written notes for DD's friends to pass to their parents, with an invitation to play, or whatever, and my mobile number.

She has a twin, who gets to be invited everywhere?????????????????

Eh?

She does invite her friends over, that's the thing

I am not sure you are quite getting to the root of what is happening here.

I guess it depends what you want. Do you want your dd to get more invitations or do you want to criticise and dislike the other mothers?

I'm lost.

Is there such thing as an unbusy Mummy? If she has a twin who gets invited everywhere, then it surely can't have anything to do with you???

Well there is your answer. If her twin gets invited places then it isn't you, obviously.

Yes - that's what happens (no, not being sarcastic)

Do not let it bother you

In a couple of years they invite who they want

A few years later and you'll be sick of the hordes of teenagers raiding your fridge and tramping up your stairs in their huge boots

You don't have to stand "gossipping" you know. Just a smile and a cheery hello to one or two of the other parents would be a start.

I am a busy mum as well (most of us are I think) and my dds are at the wraparound sometimes before and after school; which means I'm not at the gate every day. So I make a special effort on the days I am there. (not gossiping, just pleasantly passing the time of day is fine)

What is the "shameful" behaviour that you are observing? A group of parents standing and chatting?

By age 7 (year 2/3?) your dd should be starting to tell you who she would like to invite to play etc. Then you make the arrangements. Ime it's fairly simple, for example you can give your dd a note to pass to the other child, and write your mobile number on it.

If your dd isn't expressing an interest in socialising with the other children perhaps you need to find what the real issues are with her friendships.

Perhaps your daughter (the one who isn't receiving invitations) is shy/less sociable and doesn't want to be the same as her sister?

Probably have two different personalities, one twin is probably outgoing the other quieter.

The quieter one being invited out less.

I was going to say I understood, as my kids don't get asked anywhere because the mums don't like me. But one girl gets asked, the other not so surely it is something to do with her..

OK. I'll bite. Seems like a wind up though.

Do you know any of the parents at school? Have you ever spoken with any of them? How do you know they are gossiping?

Finally what is cliquey? What is gossip?

Sounds to me like you need to make more of an effort.

My sentiments exactly, eh indeed

I'm afraid you are going to have to explain your issues a little more clearly because just at the moment there is not enough information to go on in order to make a reply that will be of use to you

[hsmile]

Yep. I am bumfuzzled. No idea what the issue is. Except that it probably isn't clicky.

We are new to the area, and don't really know anyone from the area , no and we all make an effort, more than most!