To Think No-one Enjoys Sex "The 1st Time"

[afteralongsquawk]

Had a Gels' Night Out last night - 1st in ages - and we got onto "losing our virginities" (only once each, mind); it was very clear that none of us had enjoyed it at all!

Sort of perversely glad that mine was the grimmest on offer: 15 1/2 / best friend's 16th / bathroom floor / best friend's brother (18) who I really fancied / tipsy but not drunk / forgot to say NO / he went straight in like a loony, so painful that I thought something had gone wrong & that I would die / he took ages to finish, but as soon as he did he sprinted downstairs to broadcast what had happened / when I tried to emerge inconspicuously a long while later, I was greeted with cheers, clapping, wolf-whistles etc / then his mum publicly denounced me as a cheap slut who was trying to ruin his life, & ordered me out of the house.

I think I only stayed sane because my best friend went postal on his mum, walked me home & stayed the night on my floor; & didn't speak to his brother for several years. Given I was mid-cycle, I have no idea how I did not get pg, except that I know that he has been married twice and had many tarts but no kids, so may be infertile - YIPEE!!!

I made a vow then that I would never have sex again. I kept it for almost 2 years, after which I became an enthusiast [grin}...

Being serious, most girls lose it age 14 - 18 to boys about the same age; and they are much more concerned about how it is for them than how it is for you - when they come, they assume you're happy: have I got that right? Did anyone actually enjoy it? [envy}

Comments? Your own experience etc?

I had fooled around a lot with various boyfriends but left actual intercourse really late (26) because I was worried it was going to be impossible for various health/physical reasons. In the end was sore but not agonising and I had a huge sense of relief and achievement! So overall a good experience for me, even though it was far from a perfect relationship.

does no-one else read the OP as a bit more than losing her virginity then?

i'm not surprised she used some pretty angry language and phrases to describe her 'partner' now

No, I didn't.

Sorry, that was totally inappropriate.

Hope you are ok now OP. I don't think what happened with you was normal or right.

Mine was when I was 15 to my boyfriend of 4 months. It took a few weeks of trying for it all to fit and then it hurt too much so we had to stop. So it wasn't great but he was a lovely guy and I never regretted it.

OP I would say that the reason that you didn't enjoy your first time is because you were raped

have you thought about it in those stark terms before ?

If you come back and read this afteralongsquawk it's not your fault for forgetting to say no.

You didn't say yes! What kind of man would see a drunk girl and just assume that because she hasn't said no, it's okay to start having sex with her? Everyone else's behaviour was appalling too.

I'm really glad that your friend stuck up for you and stayed with you, and I hope you have had better experiences since.

I think a lot of responders to this thread haven't read your opening post properly, so please excuse some of the more idiotic replies. You are absolutely entitled to be angry and wish bad things on a man who treated a 15 year old like this.

I'm worried about the OP here.

I think the language you are using reflects how you are still having strong feelings about what happened.

Is there anyone is real life you can talk to?

My first time was crap but so has every time since. I have slept with more than 1 person so I think that my body just isn't designed to have enjoyable sex.

OP, I had the same experience as you for the first time (almost) and no not everyone's first time is like that. Mine was because I was raped, and perhaps by that token so was you?

It really shaped my attitude towards sex for a long time after, but having had this conversation with friends recently, I realised that it's not normal, and not right and wasn't your fault.

OP, I'm with AF and am going to say it in stark terms too.
You were raped.

I was only 14 my first time, as was the boy, and we'd been dating for a few months. It was fine. Not brilliant but not bad or regretful in anyway.

I was 17 with my ex who was 18 we had being together 6moths but if he have had his way we'd have done it within weeks, he said I was his first but I don't believe him even now. Tbh I wasnt ready as I was shy and could have waited longer but pressure took over and did it to shut him up.
I look at my first time with DH as my first time ever.

Many thanks to all of you have expressed concern. Don't worry, I'm fine about it - it was just one of many potholes on a rocky road to adulthood, but which has long since turned out just to be just brilliant!

Was I raped? Looking at it through the lens of today's more enlightened mores, possibly. Through the lens of 30 years ago? Probably not. What caused the hurt was not the sex, but the broadcasting of it - lucky we didn't have texting back then!

OP, you mean your own lens of where you were at 30 years ago, don't you ?

That would be rape today, and it was rape 30 years ago (by definition of the law)

I was told not to move because it was "uncomfortable" for him. BF of four months, almost seventeen myself. Not the best initiation into exploring my sexuality.

Oh and he used a gold condom which the family kitten then ran off with, so I did get some pleasure out of it.

I was 16 in my bedroom with a bf I had been seeing for a while and really liked/thought I loved. We had tried before and not managed it. When it happened it did hurt a bit, but was okay. Second time though, a few days later was great! I think the hurt may have been from breaking the hymen or from tense nerves! He was really very gentle. And as far as I know, told no-one.

I enjoyed it. I was 15, boy was older (about 19 going on 20 I think ). We waited quite a while and did lots of other stuff first , so I was really gagging for it ready by the time we did the deed and it was very pleasurable. I know lots of people will think I was too young / guy was too old / a perv etc, but the experience was good, our relationship lasted for 2 years after that and it was a really good start to my sexual life. I hate the idea that losing your virginity always has to be some horrible, stressful experience for the girl. Why?

I was 16, so was he. We'd been together a couple of months I think. It was the day we got our gcse results. A group of us went to the local park with bottles of cider and 20/20 and bf and I ended up shagging under a tree a few metres away from the others I was on my period, we left the tampon in, my trousers were round my ankles and a man walking his dog shone his torch on us.

Obviously I have namechanged to share that classy tale. The sex itself was pretty good though.

My first time was on my wedding night because we had both waited to share sex with our spouses. It was lovely.

We were both 15 and enjoyed it very much but I didn't come.

iisedtobeeasy WTF??? How do you manage to do it with a tampon in? Admiring your resourcefulness, but can't work out the logistics...

WTF?? iusedtobeeasy you left your tampon in? How the heck did that work then?!

have to say i once had sex with a tampon in as well. it wasnt my first time but i think it might have been his as he just didnt seem to notice. he was only 21 bless him.

I was 23 and it was excellent :o

I was 16, and totally ready for it, I was just waiting for a bloke to do it with. [hblush] Did it with my boyfriend of 3 weeks. It was ok, I did enjoy it. Although I remember thinking afterwards, "Is that it, what's all the bloody fuss about". I slept with him a few times after that, and it was the same pretty mediocre stuff. Then I found out he was cheating on me and dumped him.

I met DH 3 days later and found out what all the fuss was about. [hgrin][hwink]