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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15yr Dd and sleepover!

66 replies

Madly · 22/10/2011 20:54

DD invited for sleepover at friends house tonight. I know the girl and her patents so am quite happy. Just this minute found out that friends parents are away so three 15yr olds are on their own. DH thinks absolutely not appropriate for parents to leave 15yr olds alone overnight and is going to collect DD at 11pm.

Are we being too overanxious or just careful? WWYD?

OP posts:
HowlingWereWolfBitch · 22/10/2011 21:29

it depends on the maturity of the children involved

That's really the key thing here.

Dialsmavis · 22/10/2011 21:30

If the girls are sensible I would allow it but because of the sneakiness I think I would collect her.

mycatsaysach · 22/10/2011 21:31

your dh is right imo
do you think the friend's parents know about the sleepover?

chocolatchaud · 22/10/2011 21:34

My parents went on holiday and left me home alone when I was 15. I had a group of friends over, we got absolutely hammered before going to a club - now I come to think of it, all of our parents were rather naive in trusting us!

Not sure what I am saying (as it was great fun from a teenager's perspective), but perhaps it is a good idea that your DH collects DD!

squeakyfreakytoy · 22/10/2011 21:35

Not falling back on a stereotype APF.. because I have seen it happen many times. Both in my own peer generation and with the children of friends now too.

Parenting teens is hard. Very hard. Finding the right balance is bloody difficult.

I dont agree with being "friends", and I do think parents need to have control and have boundaries that are respected. My own parents were, to be quite honest, bloody clueless.. :( and sadly I completely abused that.. and caused them hell.

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 21:37

so...you disagree with my stance then, squeaky ?

or what ?

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 22/10/2011 21:37

When I was 15 I took the bus to a remote cottage with a friend, and stayed over for the weekend. No mobile phones. Just us, a cottage, lightening up an old oil fire, and a gas fridge. We were trustworthy, though.

aliportico · 22/10/2011 21:39

Surely it's more pleasant for the girl whose house it is to have a friend or two there rather than staying there alone?

OTOH, I have an almost 15 year old dd and yes, would definitely be annoyed by not being told what was happening earlier.

Maybe give her a ring, or even turn up there - "I was just passing on my way to the 24 hour Tesco, do you want anything?" - but if you did, and all seemed calm enough, then I'd be inclined to leave them there.

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 21:41

playing games with teenagers ?

oh, I was "just passing" ?

er, no

they are allowed to stay overnight without any supervision, or they are not

in my world, they are not

aliportico · 22/10/2011 21:44

Oh, I was assuming that she would know full well that she was being checked up on, and that if she's going to piss me about by not telling me the whole story, then she will be checked up on :) But I wouldn't have a problem in leaving my eldest here with 2 friends overnight, so we're coming at this from different angles.

NotnOtter · 22/10/2011 21:46

aliportico - that does sound a wee bit 'pussyfooting'

I'd just turn up and be firm but fair. The other kids will probably feel guilty if they'd fibbed. I would not allow it - not even for an older teen. My dd is very honest about what her friends get up to and as such i would say no.

NotnOtter · 22/10/2011 21:47

that referred to your earlier post btw

AgentZigzag · 22/10/2011 21:47

I feel sorry for my parents when I was that age, they were very good boundary setters, firm but scrupulously fair, but I was having none of it.

I wasn't allowed to do everything I wanted, I reckon whatever they'd have done though, I would have been the same.

Having a nearly 11 YO now and I'm wondering how I'll handle her at 15, with the conflict of knowing what they get up to without any outward signs they're getting up to it, and being protective over what was my baby.

I don't envy you OP.

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 21:50

if a teenager pissed me about, and I found about before the event, the event would not be happening full stop

I wouldn't let them go, and then game-play

christ, who can be bothered

ban them, then have your peace of mind

NotnOtter · 22/10/2011 21:51

agree zigzag - it can be a minefield

some teens -having said that - are just all round trustworthy good-eggs who don't need the checking up on...

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 21:52

AZ...your last post is bloody brilliant at saying nothing at all

do you see that ? Grin

NotnOtter · 22/10/2011 21:52

agree AF - not only peace of mind but also precedents set. 'That's the way I will play it if you don't stick by the rules'

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 22/10/2011 21:56

Are you my mum AF?

You sound so much like her! [hgrin]

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 21:57

do you need taking in hand, howling ?

if so, I'm your woman Wink

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ · 22/10/2011 21:58

I'd make the decision based on your daughter' behaviour. If she knew parents were away and told you they would be there = collect her. The embarassment would be the punishment for lying.

If she genuinely didn't know, maybe leave her if you think you can sleep.

I'd be tempted to call her, maybe say "can you pop XX's mum on a minute, I need to ask her a favour"...see how she responds?

AgentZigzag · 22/10/2011 21:59

I have a diploma in Talking About Fuck All, thank-you-very-much AF.

And I worked jolly hard on it

The point of the post was to express how scared I am of aproaching teenagerdom, see?

Totally valid.

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 22/10/2011 21:59

I fink so...

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 22:01

AZ...you should be scared

you should be fucking terrified Grin

AnyPhantomFucker · 22/10/2011 22:01

howling...c'mere, let me look into your eyes (whilst simultaneously smelling your breath) Wink

Original poster
Madly · 22/10/2011 22:02

It was the mother of DDs friend who told me at the last minute that the girls would be alone overnight!

Being with DD and friend at the time I was put in a difficult situation.

On the one hand, not wanting to embarrass DD,yet on the other hand feeling very uncomfortable by the whole situation.

Have just had call from DD (who was having pizza first in town with said friends) that bus has not turned up/been cancelled so DH is on his way to collect all three girls.
Looks like it's going to be a busy night!

Thanks again for all your opinions!!

OP posts: