Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be upset about this?

32 replies

Subtlenamechange · 21/10/2011 23:29

I incurred the rath of a woman today. Quite badly. I actually feel I didn't desrve the fury.

Long story short.

I was at a softplay centre and nipped to the loo.
2 cubicles, both empty.
A woman came in obviously chatting to a DC.
The DC goes in first, as I come out, they swap so girl (about7) is outside the cubicle and mother is in the loo.
I washed my hands and then dried them under one of thse very noisy machines.
The girl started screaming and tryed to claw her way into the cubicle.
I move my hands straightaway and the noise soon stopped I started saying sorry to the little girl. The mother came flying out the loo shouted at me that the girl is autistic and I'm a stupid (stopped there).
I was taken aback tbh, and mumbled that i was sorry, didn't know, and wouldn't have done it... and so on.
I was really sorry that I had caused the girl stress and anguish, but there wasn't anything I could of done differently was there?
The rest of the time we were at this place she and her friend were making it obviously that they were talking about me and kept giving me daggers and sneering at my DC.

AIBU to still be upset 6 hours on? How would you of dealt with it?

OP posts:
pickling · 21/10/2011 23:31

You can't deal with something like that. You just have to accept that you didn't do anything wrong and she was at the end of her rope so reacted at out all proportion and is possibly a cow.

bannedfromhere · 21/10/2011 23:32

Forget it, you didn't do anything wrong.

backwardpossom · 21/10/2011 23:32

YANBU how ridiculous. You're supposed to know she is autistic how, exactly? You were a lot more polite than I would have been, that's for sure.

Moodykat · 21/10/2011 23:32

Not sure to be honest! I probably would've just cried and run away! (wimp!). Poor you, don't think you really did anything wrong, how were you to know?

Original poster
Subtlenamechange · 21/10/2011 23:33

Thanks.

My logical brain tells me the same but my heart is very upset that I caused this and I am hurt by her reaction.

Sad
OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 21/10/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 21/10/2011 23:33

I would be really upset and pissed tbh

How were you supposed to know that?!

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 23:33

YABU because some people are far too stupid to waste energy fretting about

I just feel really sorry for the child having a Mother like that.

It must be hard enough being Autistic without being smothered by a parent who thinks the world should stop turning to accomodate her

saintlyjimjams · 21/10/2011 23:34

You didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry about it - she was blaming you for her fuck up.

(Mother of a severely autistic child who used to hate the hand dryers but now lurves them).

JaneFonda · 21/10/2011 23:34

YANBU, that would have upset me, too. :(

My friend's DD has autism, and she would probably have been scared by this too, but every child with ASD is different, and you weren't to know that she even had autism!

The mother should NOT have reacted like this, but she was probably just a bit shocked by her DD's reaction, and the fact that she was actually inside the loo at the time.

Try not to be too sad, her reaction was totally wrong, and actually very dramatic. There is a massive range of things that can upset a child with ASD, and every member of the public can't constantly be on the watch out for them.

Original poster
Subtlenamechange · 21/10/2011 23:35

Sorry are you saying I'm stupid?

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 21/10/2011 23:35

worra- it's not about the world stopping to accommodate her, my son wouldn't use a public toilet in the years he couldn't tolerate a hand dryer, but given that she was so terrified of them she shouldn't have left her alone. And she shouldn't have assumed people could mind read.

Birdsgottafly · 21/10/2011 23:36

If there was a larger disabled toilet, then she should have used that or only 'gone' once you left.

The little girl may be newly diagnosed and the mother is having a hard time adjusting to it and getting about with the child. You go through an overprotective phase when you get a diagnosis.

You need to forget about it, you did nothing wrong.

backwardpossom · 21/10/2011 23:36

Which is what worra said, saintly

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:37

No, the woman was daft to put her dd in that situation, not you. She probably felt cross with herself but lashed out at you from embarrassment.

fivegomadindorset · 21/10/2011 23:37

Poor you, DD has a thing about the driers, not to that extreme but there is no way I would blame it on anyone wlse.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 21/10/2011 23:37

You didn't cause it OP.

She must have known that her daughter would react like that. And she knew you were there, so it's reasonable to assume you would wash and dry your hands at some point.

Even if she hadn't seen you she would have heard you wash your hands and realised what was about to happen.

She could have waited with her child until you had washed your hands and gone, or called out to you and asked you not to use the drier.

It really wasn't your fault.

saintlyjimjams · 21/10/2011 23:37

Not quite backward - I think that some small changes are reasonable. If someone asked me not to use a hand dryer because it would upset their child (autistic or not) then I wouldn't hesitate to avoid using it. But I couldn't be expected to mind read that.

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 23:38

Was that question to me OP? If so then no Confused

Saintly that's exactly what I mean by expecting the world to stop turning to accomodate her. If she knows sudden loud noises make her react like that, she should have been annoyed with herself and not a total stranger innocently going about drying her hands.

backwardpossom · 21/10/2011 23:39

Well that's what I read worra's post as saying Confused

Original poster
Subtlenamechange · 21/10/2011 23:39

Ok.Confused

OP posts:
worraliberty · 21/10/2011 23:41

Not quite backward - I think that some small changes are reasonable. If someone asked me not to use a hand dryer because it would upset their child (autistic or not) then I wouldn't hesitate to avoid using it. But I couldn't be expected to mind read that

Exactly

All it takes is a "Oh I'm really sorry but is there any way you could just avoid using the dryer for a few mins til we're out of here because it terrifies my DD"

Personally I think most people would have smiled and simply shook their hands dry on the way out.

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 23:42

Possom You're reading them right Grin

HipHopOpotomus · 21/10/2011 23:50

My DD used to get freaked out by them - she is not autistic/ADHD etc. The lady was clearly bonkers to a) shout at you and b) go on to whisper etc about you.

Please let it go

Miette · 21/10/2011 23:50

I know which hand dryers you mean. The silver, shiny deafening ones? I hate those dryers. They are sooo loud if it was one of the ones i am thinking of. I don't think it should be allowed to make hand dryers that are so loud that they it is uncomfortable for NT people let alone people with some types of SEN. You weren't to know though and you did nothing wrong. I can understand the mother being upset at the time and losing her rag, but the behaviour of and her friend afterwards was inexcusable Angry and they were clearly bitches.