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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my 5yr old shouldn't be pushed around by teaching staff

410 replies

youcantparkthatthere · 21/10/2011 10:50

Hi First post, this has been niggling away at me for a week now. I recently attended a ceremony and my sons school which was been held in the local church. He is in a class of perhaps 16 children. As I watched the children file in I became increasingly annoyed at how one of the teaching staff was manging the children. it was clearly the childrens first time at one of these events and they were understandably unsure of what to do. Some of the children were going into the pew in front of or behind the one the teacher wanted them to go in. However the teacher/TA's response to this was to repeatedly, and IMO, too roughly take hold of the children and physically direct them into their intended seats. We're not talking here about a guiding hand on their shoulders, more like two hands firmly on their shoulders abruptly turning them in the desired direction and pushing them into their intended place.
To me this is quite clearly using physical force to get a child to comply with instruction, as distinct from a reassuring physical guidance. In my line of work, social worker, this would be considered a breach of the children's act and consequently illegal. Similiarly if any of the staff I managed conducted themselves in this way, I would at the very least be forced to issue them with a formal warning.
I'm not a bleeding heart liberal, I believe children need very clear mangement and a sense of no meaning no, (along with yes meaning yes, i.e. keeping promises etc). The main thing that is getting to me is the fact that I'm sure the school would discourage the children behaving like this to one another, so the adults should be modelling this in their own behaviour.
I feel I need to speak to the headteacher but I'm worried this will either be blown out of proportion or minimised. I also dont want my son standing out in a small school as the child whose Dad interferes/overreacts.
Any thoughts. It pisses me of that people think they can negate childrens right to respect and civility just because their small.
In the spirit of fairness I should declare that I find the woman in question very cold and somewhat abrupt with the children, in stark contrast to the rest of the school team, (wholly unsuited to her job imho!)Sorry if too long.

OP posts:
giyadas · 21/10/2011 22:48

ach, hod yer wheesht SM

TheGhostOfMrsWembley · 21/10/2011 22:48

I agree with Kurri...

Maryz · 21/10/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 21/10/2011 22:51

In oot I've never been in on mn,don't intend to start.and wee symbols and wee brackets don't do it for me

DogsBeastFiend · 21/10/2011 22:57

The world has gone mad.

Tomorrow I'm booking some counselling for all those times a teacher dared take me by the shoulders and direct me into my place in church.

I'm traumatised, I tell you. Traumatised!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/10/2011 23:02

Youcantparkthere - were the children guided to the correct destination with hands on their shoulders (acceptable, in my book) or were they roughly hauled around by their arms/collars (not acceptable)?

It's worth knowing that it always looks bad when the account of an incident gets more extreme as a thread goes on - it looks as if you are trying to play up the seriousness of the incident in order to get those who have disagreed with you, to change their views.

I would suggest, on a purely practical level, that you volunteer to help with some school outings/class activities, because it is a whole lot harder than getting your own child to do what you need them to. You will find that children don't listen to everything the teacher says, they miss some of the details of the instructions, or forget what you've said, or get distracted from what you are saying by new surroundings (like the church, full of parents and other school children and with lots of interesting things to look at). If you try to get the children where they need to be by just talking nicely to them, it could all degenerate into utter bedlam.

I used to help out in ds2's class, when he was in year 2, and I well remember the day when I was trying to help just 8 children fill in a maths worksheet. None of them had listened to and remembered all the instructions, and as soon as the first one went wrong, and I had to get them back 'on task', the seven others round the table used that time to go wrong as well, in many different ways. And that was just 8 children, one of whom was mine, and should have been used to listening to what I was saying!

What I am trying to say is that it is vastly different trying, with a limited number of adult helpers, to get a class of small, easily distracted children, to go in the right direction, and if you'd tried to do it yourself, you might have a little more understanding of the TA, and of what she was doing.

Someone described it as like trying to herd cats, and they are not far off, ime.

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:12

I think the OP is just having a nice sit down in his garage with a Stella and perhaps a rolly. Or face down and comatose, surrounded by empty cans and urine, clutching a picture of Audrey Hepburn (FAMOUS SEXY BELGIAN Shock). I'm not sure. Please let us know which, OP.

Either way, I think we should probably all move on from his OP, hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Does anyone have a guitar?

What am I saying? There's enough bloody hippies on this thread to start another Woodstock. Of course there's a guitar.

Now SING.

Maryz · 21/10/2011 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:20

I was goin' on down to Yasgur's Farm, goin' to join in a rock n' roll baaaaand, gonna camp out on the laaaand, gonna set my soooouul freee

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:21
giyadas · 21/10/2011 23:22

I'll play you Kumbaya on the guitar provided someone promises to do the rock-devil-horns thing.
As I'm a rocker and have a reputation to maintain.

youcantparkthatthere · 21/10/2011 23:25

back now, suitably relaxed etc..... Only to meet my DW in the kitchen saying " I know you'llmthink I'm naughty but

coud I take the other crunchy you bought for the boys, I'm despearate for a bit of chocolate"
there was me thinking the conversation would go in an entirely different direction!!!!

OP posts:
TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:27
Maryz · 21/10/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:33

Bagsy me being . I like my hippies with a bit of glamour.

Can this bit be the jukebox part of the night?

I do hope you donated the crunchy, youcantpark- you would be a monster not to.

youcantparkthatthere · 21/10/2011 23:35

i let er have the crunchie, it lets me be on here!!!

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/10/2011 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:39

Come on then, let's have some tunes. What's your musical cuppa, youcantpark? And Maryz?

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:40

I'm freeeeaaaakkking øøøøuuuttt to the Neil Young documentary on BBC4.

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:41

AND ME, BoF.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:42

He's a bit of a mizzer, though, isn't he, Neil Young. Not as much as Leonard Cohen though.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:43

I was just tiptoeing around you, Tethers. I didn't want to harsh your groove.

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:43

Blimey, Neil Young is happy hardcore compared to Leonard Cohen.

TethHearseEnd · 21/10/2011 23:44

It's ok, I started stroking this wall and it's all alright now, BoF. It's all smoooooth.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 23:46

I like a bit of Crosby, Stills and Nash though. is my favourite.