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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really really hacked off with DH

76 replies

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:06

Dont know if IABU to be annoyed.

DH plays wow 3 nights a week with his brother and is often online from 7pm til 11 pm. So I usually entertain myself. I write, read, play bingo on a Sunday with my MIL (great relationship) on these evenings.

I don't generally mind too much as I'm pregnant ATM and tend to get really tired early anyway. Sometimes I feel down that he spends nearly half the week playing these games.

Anyway, I deal. My annoyance is this. DH and me spend thursday nights curled up on sofa usually and have nice night in. This week he announces that Thursdays are now 'bowling night' with his bro and workmate. I was pretty upset. So out of 7 days I get 2 evenings with DH, his bro gets 4 and one day is spent with family.

I'm just so frustrated.

The worst thing is tonight they went out at 8 bowling so I had to stay in. I planned my night around Food Network and Gordon's kitchen nightmares and got my jammies and teddy out... Only for DH and BIL to walk in after an hour, demand I go upstairs so they can play FIFA!!!
There is not even a tv upstairs due to decorating!!!

I just feel DH does what he likes and doesn't think about things like this at all, as long as he is happy and I don't make a fuss! I can't believe it I'm so upset!

BIL has his own house with a PS3 and FIFA too, why is he always here?! He moved in for a while when I was 10 weeks preg but I pissed and moaned to DH and MIL and he moved out again. Thank god for my MIL

I just feel so fed up and any discussions are like talking to a brick wall 'he is my brother', 'he just needs to get out' etc. I feel totally second best to DH brother.

Have told DH this is not goig to be a weekly thing and he needs to think about me and out family (expecting first Dc) a bit more as it is upsetting me.
I do go out and try to do my own thing etc, but I feel very down today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:53

I don't, I explained the teddy a few posts back.

And lots of hard working people play computer games. TBH I think it's the damn BIL pissing me off more than anything. Urgh

OP posts:
ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 20/10/2011 22:53

BIL needs to be disabused of that notion pronto. DH is about to become a Dad, he should not be giving his brother any hope that he is going to be his wingman - he is already your 'wingman'.

I think telling your DH that ^^ and warning him that should there be a repeat of tonight you will not hold back regardless if BIL is here or not is a good start.

I really hope he does start to see you as his wife and his priority otherwise having a new baby in the house is going to be very hard on you.

mumsamilitant - it might be your truth, it doesn't mean it's what is going on in someone else's relationship. I think you need to stop projecting.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 20/10/2011 22:55

So what if she's sitting there with a teddy - it's not against the law you know.

GalloweesG · 20/10/2011 22:55

Have you got any ID?

Original poster
Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:57

He is generally really good
He cooks and cleans
Works
Full time
Is generally very attentive

We are very happy and are like best friends. We are both hard working but quite laid back at the same time iyswim?

Believe me... There will be NO repeat of tonight. Ever again. He just hasn't even thought!

I'm going to try convince BIL he should do a night class or something... And keep out of my house

OP posts:
cocobongo · 20/10/2011 22:57

I think you shouldn't bite your tongue when BIL is there. Feel free to let rip (within reason!) so that he is aware that his behaviour is not on.

TheVampireEmpusa · 20/10/2011 22:57

Ignore the "oh he's playing games he must be immature" comments, sounds like you are a gamer too. Nothing wrong with adults gaming at all!

He is being a prat though, and it sounds like he has become a bit of a crutch for his brother. Is his brother younger than him?

Dexifehatz · 20/10/2011 22:57

Has half term come early?Wink

Original poster
Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:58

I am nearly 27...
It was the nostalgia of finding the teddy (my imaginative 4 year old self called him beautiful bear') and he was a
Much treasured posession

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadyHallows · 20/10/2011 22:59

thats ok. Smile

Still think your dh needs a word or two.

Original poster
Kayano · 20/10/2011 23:00

His brother is actually older but had a honestly horrible shock 3 months ago so is sort of starting over. I get it to an extent but I fear he may be expecting too much of my hubby and of my famous laid back approach...

I need to nip it in the bud.

UPDATE .... He is leaving!

OP posts:
TheVampireEmpusa · 20/10/2011 23:02

Excellent! Bet you are relieved!

It's great that he's looking out for his brother, but he really does need to sort out his priorities.

Original poster
Kayano · 20/10/2011 23:04

I feel sorta bad now... Was looking out the window to ensure he was gone and witnessed him put my bins out for me without being asked

These damn hormones are messing with me readjusts angry face

OP posts:
TheVampireEmpusa · 20/10/2011 23:05

He was being a pain though! Forcing you to change what you were doing to watch them play Fifa (what a boring game! They could at least have played something entertaining for you!)

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 20/10/2011 23:11

Kick those hormones under the bed until you have explained to your DH that 'baby will not be put in the corner' - neither baby!!

^^ and the wingman bit from up there.

Just make your point in a calm manner - but leaving him under no illusion that next time you wont be calm Grin

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 20/10/2011 23:13

i have a teddy too, i've let ds1 look after it for the past 6 years but he's still mine, i will get him back. all 25 years of him Grin

NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 08:03

I'm 30, I still have my teddy, imaginatively named...Teddy. He sleeps with dd technically.

diddl · 21/10/2011 09:23

Why didn´t you tell them that you had plans & that they should go to BILs?

And doesn´t BIL have friends he can spend time with so that it´s not always his brother?

Bennifer · 21/10/2011 09:25

Sounds like you married a boy

Icelollycraving · 21/10/2011 09:29

Sorry I find the whole teddy thing a bit odd. I get how finding it would make you nostalgic,but settling down with it to watch food network sounds slightly odd. You,are however pregnant & I found this could make a sane woman do very bizarre things.
Bil is lonely. Set him up on a date,if he can take out the bins,he's a keeper :o

vanimal · 21/10/2011 09:38

My DH tried that once - he was out with his best friend, I was waiting for them to get back early, so I could then go out with a friend for dinner. He arrived back at 10.30pm, too late for me to go out.

I had a go at him and his best friend, and told them they had ruined my plans. They never did it again, and best friend is now slightly scared of me Grin

I am guessing BIL is lonely if he has only just split from his relationship, and is in need of some diversion. Definitely suggest they play wow/FIFA at BILs house. DH may change his attitude completely when baby arrives.

littlemonkeybix · 21/10/2011 10:24

my DP decided one day to come in to the room where I was watching a 35 minute DVD from the hospital, and I was 30 minutes into it... I was doing all the folding of the washing on the sofa while it was on (multi-tasking.... get me!) His rant about how he needed his living room back, and tirade of foul mouthed language set me right off...

He got both barrels... I got told it was my pregnant hormones... I told him in great volume to eff off (we have thin walls, the neighbours must have been loving it!).. and I stomped off for a glorious drive in the countryside for 2 hours... sunny day, windows down, singing to radio... I felt great.

He hasn't crossed me again.... yet

Sometimes it's good to let go. I am usually the tongue biter, letting things blow over before discussing whilst calm... but I thought why should I, and let rip. He said hormones, I say reality check Wink

We get on like a house on fire, never met anyone like him, and were best friends for 5 years before entertaining the idea of being together. He's just a tetchy git when he's tired. And that time, I didn't back down.

It's good to see them learn Wink

hope all has settled again now, and DH and BIL know their roles in family life a little better!

TheScaryJessie · 21/10/2011 10:27

I see there were the usual obligatory posts to sneer at computer games. Would it have been fair of him if he'd been at a Scrabble club with BIL instead of playing WoW? I don't think it would have been.

Kayano: I hope you let him have it expressed your feelings last night! Last night was unfair of him, and it would be unfair of him whether he was playing Fifa on a console, or chess on the living room table. It's a question of equal allocations of leisure time for you both. Make sure you also get time to read/play games/ MN write while he looks after the baby, after he or she's born.

InnocentRedhead · 21/10/2011 10:45

I read this thread on my phone last night but it wouldn't let me log in for some reason. I had to come on and post though this morning.

All those who are sneering at the computer games, Oh just fuck off will you. OP said it was an agreement that he played it 3 nights a week and that she didn't have a problem with it, however you seem to be offended by this as the OP actually LETS HER (Shock Horror Shock) DH have some downtime with his brother. The issue was the EXTRA night her DH wanted.

Just sit down with him Kayano and explain the issues calmly. Last night I hope you did explode though. But just keep it calm and he will listen. Men switch off in an argument so not the best way to get around it. 3 nights a week to do what he wants is plenty! I know my DP would kill for free nights, - so would I as we get NO time - he works full time, goes to college full time and has his daughter on his college days. Do count yourself lucky that you get some time though. Nothing wrond with him being a gamer though, i try to when I find time.

What is the issue with a teddy? You must all be too busy being hard faced to actually have sentimental items in your life. I don't think you should have justified the teddy bear tbh!

You are pregnant and allowed to argue, be pissed off and hormonal etc. My DP made me cry yesterday after he told me I have turned into a hard faced cow who is cut throat with her comments. Least your DH isn't like that eh?

Angelico · 25/10/2011 17:51

Ha! After joking about becoming a bollock-biter-offer I found this story...
uk.news.yahoo.com/woman-admits-biting-off-testicles-155347045.html

You couldn't make it up!