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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really really hacked off with DH

76 replies

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:06

Dont know if IABU to be annoyed.

DH plays wow 3 nights a week with his brother and is often online from 7pm til 11 pm. So I usually entertain myself. I write, read, play bingo on a Sunday with my MIL (great relationship) on these evenings.

I don't generally mind too much as I'm pregnant ATM and tend to get really tired early anyway. Sometimes I feel down that he spends nearly half the week playing these games.

Anyway, I deal. My annoyance is this. DH and me spend thursday nights curled up on sofa usually and have nice night in. This week he announces that Thursdays are now 'bowling night' with his bro and workmate. I was pretty upset. So out of 7 days I get 2 evenings with DH, his bro gets 4 and one day is spent with family.

I'm just so frustrated.

The worst thing is tonight they went out at 8 bowling so I had to stay in. I planned my night around Food Network and Gordon's kitchen nightmares and got my jammies and teddy out... Only for DH and BIL to walk in after an hour, demand I go upstairs so they can play FIFA!!!
There is not even a tv upstairs due to decorating!!!

I just feel DH does what he likes and doesn't think about things like this at all, as long as he is happy and I don't make a fuss! I can't believe it I'm so upset!

BIL has his own house with a PS3 and FIFA too, why is he always here?! He moved in for a while when I was 10 weeks preg but I pissed and moaned to DH and MIL and he moved out again. Thank god for my MIL

I just feel so fed up and any discussions are like talking to a brick wall 'he is my brother', 'he just needs to get out' etc. I feel totally second best to DH brother.

Have told DH this is not goig to be a weekly thing and he needs to think about me and out family (expecting first Dc) a bit more as it is upsetting me.
I do go out and try to do my own thing etc, but I feel very down today.

OP posts:

HeresTheScaryThingBooyhoo · 20/10/2011 22:24

OP go down there now and tell BIL he needs to go back home to his own house. tell him he is an adult and needs to lean to entertain himself. dont listen to any argument, hold the door open for him.

once he leaves tell DH he has two choices, he can sit down like an adult and listen to you telling him exactly how he has made you feel or he can go with his brother to play fifa and pack a bloody bag aswell.

lechatnoir · 20/10/2011 22:26

Aside from telling him what I thought about his earlier display, I'd also be having a conversation about how it would actually be quite nice to spend time together as a couple before baby arrives, oh, and any ideas about pissing about with his bro 4 nights a week once said baby arrives need to be VERY firmly managed now before it becomes so much of a routine it would be unfair to suddenly stop

bushymcbush · 20/10/2011 22:26

Your DH is acting more like an annoying teenage brother than a supportive partner. He needs to grow up and put his toys away.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 20/10/2011 22:26

What DBF said - which was...

"Only for DH and BIL to walk in after an hour, demand I go upstairs so they can play FIFA!!!"

They did WHAT?!

You have two choices lovey... do as you're told like a good little girl and get used to a lifetime of being told to go to bed in your own home or tell BIL to fuck the fuck off out of YOUR home and then tell "D"H that you will NOT be treated like a child by him OR his guests/family.

I know which I'd be doing.

You need to have a serious talk about both his gaming and his attitude in general. You are having a baby and he needs to stop acting like an entitled, self centered prick and treat you like his wife and not an annoying little sister and you need to stop putting up with it!

mumsamilitant · 20/10/2011 22:28

maybe my post was more helpful than you all think...

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza · 20/10/2011 22:29

Why didn't you just tell the pair of them to fuck off?

I don't understand why you went upstairs - are you scared of your husband?

Original poster

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:29

It really wasn't

OP posts:

notlettingthefearshow · 20/10/2011 22:30

what is wow?

Original poster

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:30

I'm not upstairs. I am sitting watching them play FIFA

In my jammies
With my teddy
Staring at them
And asking how long it's going to take (despite there being a timer on the game)

I am now actually behaving like an annoying little sister...

BRo is going soon he has just announced

OP posts:

mumsamilitant · 20/10/2011 22:31

once again its a case of... well, maybe he's ready... oops no he's not....he played loads of online games before and went out with mates... the baby will make him grow up...no it doesnt!

Squitten · 20/10/2011 22:31

I have no idea why you just did as you were told and let them behave that way. Have you gone mad??

mumsamilitant · 20/10/2011 22:32

it makes us grow up!

Squitten · 20/10/2011 22:32

X-post!

Original poster

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:34

.... I didnt have a baby to make him grow up...

We both decided to try for a much wanted baby. He has been playing games more yes, but that is because as I said in my Op it was a good arrangement for us with me having my own hobbies and/ or sleeping all the time. It's the bowling of tonight that has annoyed me

I don't like your repetitive insinuations that I am not ready for a child or that I decided to have it on my own to make him grow up

OP posts:

CoffeeOne · 20/10/2011 22:38

YANBU! I agree with other posts about having stern words with him asap! It's fine to have hobbies, as long as you and baby remain priority. Have a good long chat and set out some ground rules and take it from there.

Maybe he is getting his 'youth' out of his system. He's on a countdown to fatherhood and hopefully he knows what a responsibility that is. You just need to let him know that that responsibility starts now as you're already carrying his child. Let us know how it goes!

manticlimactic · 20/10/2011 22:39

You're sat there with your teddy?

Angelico · 20/10/2011 22:41

YANBU but you need to bite your husband's bollocks off when he finally comes up the stairs...

Original poster

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:41

I am. I found the old guy in my wardrobe earlier while sorting our room and the soon to be nursery and felt all nostalgic like so took it downstairs to watch Gordon... When BIL walked in I thought 'so fuck' teddy is staying

OP posts:

Angelico · 20/10/2011 22:41

ps: and you can blame your hormones. No Judge in the land will dare argue with a pregnant bollock-biter-offer!

cocobongo · 20/10/2011 22:42

Sorry, you are a mug.You are sitting watching them play computer games? FFS get a life and stop letting your H tell you what to do. Do you and your H even like each other? If you did, then maybe you would both want to spend time together.

CoffeeOne · 20/10/2011 22:43

@ pregnant bollock-biter-offer!

Original poster

Kayano · 20/10/2011 22:44

Er... Yes I like him...

He is just being an inconsiderate oaf this week. I'm not going to scream and shout while BIL there, I will scream and shout once he has gone

But will tell DH that should this reoccur I will go apeshit on both of them. BIL is newly (3 months) single and I feel is now viewing DH as company or potential wingman...

OP posts:

mumsamilitant · 20/10/2011 22:44

At the end of the day.. children should be born out of a love from both partners not, well he may grow up if he has one... in this case he didnt... Im not faulting her for wanting a baby. Im saying she was obviously young and he's still damn 12... Yes, it does take two, but one one is still in his infancy what can she do.

Get squillions of support and bring up a gorgeous child.

What I say may not sit well with most but it's my truth.

GalloweesG · 20/10/2011 22:51

You go to bed with a teddy and he plays computer games?

QuintessentialShadyHallows · 20/10/2011 22:52

You are sat there with your teddy, and your husband, who behaves like an immature schoolboy, tell you to go to your room?

Kayano, I am sorry, but this is not right.

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