Supermarket car park staff member - WIBU?

[HalloweenOutThatPumpkin]

AIBU, SN, Waitrose and the car park. I must be stark raving mad, but here goes ...

I shop in the same branch of Waitrose every other day and have done for years. All the regular staff know me and the guys who collect the trolleys are among them.

This evening half the car park was totally empty so instead of driving round the one way system shown by the arrows I nipped into the "down" lane, parked in the first space and got out of the car.

Cue fairly large trolley bloke who has SN of some sort (not sure what they are because he never talks to anyone as far as I know) shouting "Eh! Eh!" at me and pointing at the ground. I couldn't work out what he meant and just looked confusedly back at him. After a minute or so of this he walked over and shouted right in my face "One Way, One Way" and pointed at the arrow. I said that there were no other cars there so I couldn't see the problem. He followed me round the car, still shouting "One Way" at me while I hunted for my bags. It was after dark, there was no one else around and I felt quite intimidated so after I had scarpered to the shop I mentioned it at the customer service desk. I just said that it was quite an outburst and it had left me feeling a bit shaken.

Now I am not sure if I did the right thing. I don't think he will lose his job over it or anything that drastic, but should I have simply thought "the guy has SN, he obviously needs people to follow rules, I've broken them and I should suck it up", or was I right to complain about him shouting at me?

[GuillotinedMaryLacey]

OK just to play devil's advocate, the OP says she knows the man and he knows her which is why she was aware of potential SN. Supposing it was her first time in the store and what she describes as a fairly large man came out of nowhere and started shouting at her, right in her face. Would that be ok? What should she do then? Let's assume by evening, she means it was dark. I'd be intimidated by a man coming at me, wouldn't you?

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

Sounds like she was intimidated because of the 'SN behaviour'.

I have had people say my OH is 'intimidating'. He isnt. He is black though.

But we wernt there so I wouldnt like to judge how incoherent the member of staff was he was or if he was shouting or not.

Nor should you.

Deaf people have been arrested for being agressive i.e using sign language.
All that arm waving can be terribly intimidating

[Mimmee]

Saw this thread last night but didn't get chance to post but the more I think about it the more I feel you were BU.

My DB has SN and works on the the trollies in a supermarket. A PP said it is not their job to police the carpark - actually it is. It's important because they could potentially be run over while working or another customer could have been hurt. Yes I probably have done the same as the OP and it's no great crime but what I can't understand is why you didn't just say sorry and leave it at that.

My DB is also a large bloke (6'3 and 19 stone!) and also speaks very loudly because he has communication issues. This is typical of a lot of people with SN ime. He probably "followed" you because he thought you didn't understand what he was saying.

I'm not saying you were wrong to feel intimidated if that's genuinely what you felt BUT you caused this situation and as such it's disgusting that you complained.

It can be very difficult for adults with SN to find a place in society. Companies that offer jobs are few and far between (see the news with the a number of factories that employ SN workers closing down) and there are a number of barriers in their way that wouldn't even occur to a non SN person. For example, the logistics of getting to work, managing benefits etc.

It took a long time for my DB to find a job that suits him and he's good at. It has given him purpose, independence and enjoyment. If this man has worked there for 10 years as you say, it is highly unlikely that he goes round intimidating people and highly likely that he is good at his job.

It would potentially devasting if he were to lose his job, and it may make the company reconsider their stance on employing staff with SN because of your complaint.

That may sound extreme, but could happen. I'm glad you're going to go back into the store and I hope they will deal with it appropriately.

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Intimidating behaviour?
He pointed out her mistake. She ignored him. Totally blanked him in fact. He moved closer because no doubt he thought she had not understood him. I'm sorry but if you recognise someone as a supermarket worker and you know that person to have SN you DO NOT completely blank them when they are addressing you.

He may not have brilliant social skills, but the only reason he followed her round is because she did not even acknowledge him and he wanted her to realise that she had driven round the wrong way - that is his job.

And her comment about not knowing what SN he has is just fucking insane.

So you were being completely unreasonable and ignorant and rude.

[saintmerryweather]

Rhubarb you don't have to hang a sign round your brothers neck but perhaps it's worth remembering that to someone who doesn't have regular close contact to people with SN this situation could be frightening. She knows the bloke has SN as the woman in waitrose has confirmed it for her, she's not just making assumptions

[Mimmee]

Totally agree Rhubarb. OP could have avoided the whole situation by using a bit of common sense and empathy.

Instead she's coming across as having a massive sense of entitlement and got arsey because she got challenged and seems to think she deserves special treatment because she is a regular customer.

[thefirstMrsDeVeerie]

This wouldnt happen in Morrisons

Just sayin

[Rhubarb0oooo]

MrsDeVeere - my brother is also black and whilst he isn't tall, he is well built. However it's pretty bloody obvious as soon as he starts to talk that he has SN as he does talk loudly and I can well imagine him communicating in this way.

The OP IGNORED him ffs! Why? Would she have ignored another member of staff? What's so bloody wrong with saying "sorry"? That's all he would have wanted, was for her to acknowledge that she had done wrong.

His job is there to police the car park and he would have been anxious to do this job well. Now he's had a complaint against him which would have to have been noted - for what? Pointing out that a driver had driven the wrong way whilst that driver pointedly ignored him and walked away?

This just shows how much ignorance people with SN face. And not everyone has to have a label you know, it's not as simple as "oh he obviously has Downs" - sometimes there isn't a name for it, they just have learning difficulties, is that so difficult to comprehend? Or would it justify your prejudice if you could identify which particular brand of special needs they fall under?

I am so angry I need to walk away. I have dealt with a lifetime of predjudice when it comes to my brother and I know how upset he would be if someone complained about him. This woman was in the wrong, she was rude and then she has the cheek to complain - then comes and writes a pig-ignorant thread about it. Not only that but no doubt some people will actually agree with her! No wonder it's so hard for people with SN to get a job, society thinks they should be labelled and hidden way so they don't cause offence.



Don't let me come back to this thread.

[BupcakesandHaunting]

The posters saying "oooh don't YOU ever break the roolz?! Get a grip" are missing the point.

We all break trivial rules. Most of us will take it like a man when someone calls us on it remembers being ticked off in Sainsburys fir letting DS stand in trolley and having to suck it up not try and turn our fault on to someone else to get them into shit.

OP probably thinks that the staff love her and that she is a popular regular.

[Rhubarb0oooo]

saintmerryweather - no, she said that she knew he had SN but didn't know what type as he never talks to anyone. She never mentioned what customer services said. This bloke was judged before he even approached her.

And perhaps if more people employed adults with SN then you would have contact. But to ignore someone who is pointing out the rules to you, when you know they have SN is fucking ignorant.

Perhaps we should hide away those people with SN so we don't frighten the poor little Waitrose shoppers?

[Rhubarb0oooo]

And yes, because she's a regular she's allowed to break the rules?
What point was she trying to make there?

I think you are missing the point that she IGNORED this man. Even when she realised what he was on about she turned away and ignored him which is why he followed her.
Then she complains.

[Mimmee]

Rhubarb - think we have the same brother! Mine is also black and has cornrows and people do make a judgement when they see him. But like your brother it is obvious that he has SN when he speaks.

Fortunately he's never encountered this at his work and gets on well with staff and customers. I'd be livid if a customer complained about him just for doing his job

[borderslass]

DS has SN's and finds expressing himself difficult I dread what his future has to hold if he gets a job with the general public. The employee in the OP was only doing his job he didn't need to be ignored and there was no need for complaining as soon as he got his point across all she needed to do was agree with him and apologise.

[BupcakesandHaunting]

OP, you didn't happen to notice whether they've started selling the Delua Christmas cake kit yet, did you?

[senua]

Rhubarb. Instead of projecting your situation onto the thread, why don't you try reading the actual OP. She wrote "I said that there were no other cars there so I couldn't see the problem" That's not ignoring him. She tried to engage him and he harrassed her.

[blackoutthesun]

yabu

[Mimmee]

senua and why couldn't she just have said "sorry" instead of being argumentative about it

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Oh excuse me senua for relating my completely inappropriate experiences onto the thread. you are quite right, she failed to admit she was in the wrong and said she didn't see the problem. But she was in the wrong wasn't she? Regardless of whether there were cars there or not. And he was telling her that.

But you see that as harrassment do you senua? Course you do. Yet another ignorant viewpoint. I think some people do actually think that adults with SN should be kept out of sight.

Ignorant prejudiced bastards do anyway. Just imagine how mothers of children with SN feel when they read this. Knowing that there are such ignorant arseholes around who would complain of harrassment and quite happily let that hardworking person lose their job. Nice one senua.

[Peachy]

People drive the wrong way down our road: it makes me furious. If it happens when I am out with ds1 who has AS he shouts wrong way adn gets distressed; ds3, more severe, weeps and gets very shaky. I'd never place ds3 in a supermarket job )he's unlikely to work anyway) but ds1 would be an excellent attendant (except he won't, he should be off to uni).

Me I have traits at a level that could be diagnosable if I was arsed and I get palpitations at tthe rule breaking as well.

So that's what is going on in attendant's head; YABU for reporting him.

Rhubs I think I love you for your post.

[senua]

How do you know she was argumentative. She just explained her actions. I agree with her: I see no point in complying with shops' carpark directions if there is no one else around.

[MollyTheMole]

Hmm I dont think you should have complained BUT SN or not I dont think it was on for him to have followed you and gone on the way he did and tbh I would have been a bit intimidated by someone shouting "one way one way" in my face

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Attitudes like this make me weep.

This thread has really upset me and my heart goes out to mothers of children with SN. I just want to wrap my arms around these honest, hardworking, loving people who have so much to give to society but who face so much predjudice and ignorant attitudes. They try so hard to fit into a society that doesn't want them.

I need to leave. I just know others are going to come on with even more upsetting views so I should hide this thread and give my bro a call to tell him how much I love him.

[BupcakesandHaunting]

Senua, it's up to you to decide if you want to drive the wrong way or whatever. Just don't get the hump when you're called on it.

[BupcakesandHaunting]

Oh Rhubarb don't go. It tips the scales to balance on the side of the ignorant knuckledraggers.

[Rhubarb0oooo]

Course not senua - but he has been told that the car park has rules and he has an important job to make sure they are complied with. It would have upset him to see someone breaking those rules and then refusing to acknowledge that.

Adults with SN can sometimes talk loudly and their communication skills are far from perfect. If this intimidates you then get a bloody backbone and admit when you are in the wrong instead of taking it out on someone who is just doing their job and doing it well.

I think that is reasonable enough.