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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this teacher was a bit off?

60 replies

BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 20:11

6 year old DD's parents evening. Sit down for a few seconds and her class teacher launches into how she is concerned my DD doesn't stick to what she is meant to be doing, how she goes off on tangents etc and how if it continues it may become a problem. I know she has a small concentration span so this doesn't shock me but there was no positive reinforcement (i.e she has a short attention span but is a very kind and fun little girl who is kind to her peers..) and we just heard negative stuff. My husband is really quite upset, im a bit meh tbh but are teachers not meant to give positive praise these days?

OP posts:

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 22:25

LOL 'needy' ive heard it all now. Next year I may lose the appointment slip and not be needy in the slightest.

OP posts:

spiderpig8 · 18/10/2011 22:31

But the Op was told the salient points but her mum 'needed' it to be cushioned with flattery.

iceandsliceplease · 18/10/2011 22:40

You don't sound needy at all to me, just a parent who cares about their DC.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 22:41

Spiderpig. Would you spell out these points please?

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 22:41

Mind you, you can always Home Educate.

FontOfAllEvil · 18/10/2011 22:51

On reflection (and no longer in the bad mood I was when I posted earlier) (sorry) I would be gutted too if I only heard negative stuff about DD, I usually do the sandwich style feedback, unless I know the parent won't hear the negative but you really need their help with that specifically.

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 22:51

She needs to concentrate more, she goes off on tangents. For ten minutes.
Nowt about how her reading is getting on, when I ask what band she should be on as she is left to her own devices bringing reading books home and has no idea what band she should be on 'err actually I dont know, I think im due to read with her' how is her numeracy 'well yeah its okay as far as I know. The only problem is her concentration' Does she enjoy PE? 'ive not heard otherwise' etc etc etc....

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 18/10/2011 22:55

I think YANBU, OP. I can sympathise, as I have the same issue with dd1, now P3. She is a dreamer, but still does really well. I do her homework etc with her, and try to help her to improve her concentration, but it's not easy!

In P1, I went to her first PE, happy that she was doing fantastically with her reading and really coming on with her maths. But her teacher kept going on about how she was always the last to get her coat at hometime, forgetting when she was to put her plimsoles on etc. I wanted to say "She's 4! Is her dithering a bit at hometime really a huge problem??" I was a bit disappointed, tbh, as she seemed to gloss over all the good things about my smart, kind, keen to please wee girl and focus on the negatives.

But then I thought, I don't actually need that teacher to tell me how well she is doing. I talk to her, I help with/ check her homework. If I'm honest, it would have been nice to hear nice things about my daughter BUT hearing it from a teacher wouldn't make it any more or less true. It's also true she can be a bit of a dreamer. I already knew that too!

Now when I go to parents' evenings, I realise I am unlikely to hear anything I don't already know. Sometimes I even tell the teachers things about my dds that they don't know (eg that they seem to be struggling with various elements of homework- the teacher is usually unaware, because they ask for help and I try to explain it, and go through it with them, so the teacher just sees correct homework) In subsequent years, dd1 has had teachers that she seemed to gel with better, who she was keener to please and possibly is just getting better with her concentration as she gets older. Personalities come into it too- some teachers seem to have more patience than others, and some seem to "get" my dds more than others. It's lovely when a teacher talks about your child with a smile and lots of nice insights that show they know and like your child, but that's not really what they are there for, I guess, so I take it graciously either way.

Just play down the negatives when your ds asks what was said!

Original poster

BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 23:05

I just said her teacher thinks she is good but could be even better with more concentration and that she needs to stick to the task in hand. What I was told right up until 3 years ago when I was at uni lol.

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 18/10/2011 23:38

shopuld be a mix of positive things and targets to work towards

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