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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this teacher was a bit off?

60 replies

BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 20:11

6 year old DD's parents evening. Sit down for a few seconds and her class teacher launches into how she is concerned my DD doesn't stick to what she is meant to be doing, how she goes off on tangents etc and how if it continues it may become a problem. I know she has a small concentration span so this doesn't shock me but there was no positive reinforcement (i.e she has a short attention span but is a very kind and fun little girl who is kind to her peers..) and we just heard negative stuff. My husband is really quite upset, im a bit meh tbh but are teachers not meant to give positive praise these days?

OP posts:
FontOfAllEvil · 18/10/2011 21:09

You could have asked her. I agree with Chipping, pupils need to hear it, you need to hear what you can do to help.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 18/10/2011 21:14

I thought the 'positive reinforcement' was supposed to be for the children?

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:16

Sorry but I disagree wityh most people on this thread. I;d be gutted if the only contact with my DDs teacher at parents' evening was that negative. Of course you want to heear about things going well - there may be more going well thanwhat you have already mentioned.

YES teachers should give postivie praise. Did the teacher mention any plans on improving concentration span or ask for any support from home?

Also. She is 6 for goodness sake. Of course there should be postive praise.

Agree that perhaps she had something to chat with you about but there are more plesant ways of communicating

KittyFane · 18/10/2011 21:17

Even if there genuinely isn't much positive to say (unlikely), she should have discussed a way forward, strategies to improve the situation (in itself positive).
I don't think you are teacher bashing bimbo I'm a teacher and I don't see that in your OP.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:18

No. its not just for children. its polite.

DownbytheRiverside · 18/10/2011 21:18

I didn't take it as a teacher-bashing thread, they tend to be general rants about teachers in general. This is a complaint about one person's handling of a ten minute interview at the end of an evening. She misread you.
Yes, we are supposed to give positive praise as well as identifying areas for improvement, but that is to the child rather than the adults involved in supporting the child.
Complain and next time you'll get the sugar-coated version with added spin.
Which many parents prefer.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:20

[also a teacher - but frankly also a mumy of a 4 year old and i would be GUTTED at your experience]

KittyFane · 18/10/2011 21:28

Mumble - agree. There are ways of saying things in a 'this is what's happening and this is what I, you and (most importantly) your DC needs to do to turn things around'.
No need to sugar coat, T should just be positive about how to move on from the problem.

dikkertjedap · 18/10/2011 21:35

I would normally use the sandwich approach, however there is one exception. If there are some real issues with a child and the parent is evasive or not open to discussing such an issue, I would spend the full 10 minutes explaining the issue and my concerns. Usually you know in advance who these parents are because they are evasive when you want to talk to them at drop off/pick up (e.g. never having time to talk to you, always in a rush, not being able to stick to an appointment, etc.). I also have several colleagues who NEVER EVER give any negative feedback to parents (but just harp on about specific children in the staff room). So for those people who get upset if a teacher comes with negative feedback whilst previous teachers were always so positive, well, IMO that doesn't necessarily tell you much.

OP, in your case, it could be an important issue. A short attention span can really hamper her learning. Also, it can be very disruptive for the others in the class. It is nice that she is kind and fun, but that doesn't make up for the fact that there is an issue that needs addressing. To me it seems that her teacher had the feeling that she had to use this shock tactic to get through to you and make you understand that this can really become an obstacle to your daughter's education. She is warning you.

Haystack · 18/10/2011 21:35

I feel for you too, it sounds very like our ds1's Yr2 PE today, mind you it does depend partly what you pick up on. My dh came out with the message ds doing well but doesn't concentrate. I came out with the message ds is badly behaved, distracts other children, does very little work (books back this up) and is massively under performing. I have no idea what meeting dh was at but it clearly wasn't the same one! Have decided to accept that maybe teacher wasn't quite as negative as I believed and maybe the truth of what was said is somewhere in between. Perhaps if you spoke to the teacher again and asked for positives for your dd it might help?

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:50

I just don't think teacher gave a well rounded veiw of your daughter's time and progress at school. Nothing to do with suigar coating.

I think you should book some time with the teacher and show you are prepared to support and help with concentration issues.

What type of things can help a 6 year old with low concentration [er... cos my dd is def gonna have that....] Mind you so have I...

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 21:51

When you saying the teacher is "warning you" what does that mean?

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 21:53

Dikker- her teacher has never so much as attempted to speak to me about ANYTHING, never leaves notes in her communication book etc. If it was such a big ongoing problem im shocked nothing has been mentioned before.

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 18/10/2011 21:53

Warning you that there are issues that need your attention and support before they become a problem.

DownbytheRiverside · 18/10/2011 21:55

It's only 6 weeks or so into the year, perhaps the teacher was giving your DD the benefit of the doubt and letting her settle in before forming a judgement. I take it that she's Y2?

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 21:56

Im still none the wiser as to what to do to help a 6 year old concentrate better sadly, she concentrates on things at home as they are of her chosing, and when we do reading/homework etc it is one on one time and I dont have to come back to her ten minutes later when her train of thought is out the door and up the road.

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 18/10/2011 21:57

'and how if it continues it may become a problem.'

Teacher isn't saying it's a problem yet, but that it may develop into one if it isn't addressed.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 18/10/2011 21:57

I.e teacher never gave us any constructive advice, just a barrage of criticism.

OP posts:
DownbytheRiverside · 18/10/2011 22:02

OK, ask her for a list of positives and ask her what she's going to do to help your DD achieve her potential.
You are unlikely to get an apology, but if you don't know what to do then the teacher either needs to give you some suggestions or deal with the issues within her classroom without your support.

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 22:02

Sounds ridiculous to me. What good, really, is a warning? Is it really natural for a 6 year old to have good concentration? What a shame. Did your 6 year old ask wha\t she had said?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 18/10/2011 22:03

If anyone does find out how to extend the extension span of a six-year-old until it meets the expectation of their teacher, please let me know.

I had this exact same thing at last parents' meeting "can't sit still on carpet, fidgets and interrupts".

We did get some positive stuff as well this time. I think when your appointment is may make a difference, I know by the time I get to the 20th in quick succession my brain has turned to complete mush and you're lucky to get any sense out of me at all (I'm a primary parent and secondary teacher).

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 18/10/2011 22:04

She didn't give you any suggestions about how you can help your DD, and, as DownBytheRiverside said, is saying 'it may become a problem?' Very odd. And that's all she talked about?

You could always make an appointment to see her and ask her what her plans to address the problem are - as it's obviously so important that she felt the need to spend the whole meeting talking about it.

Miette · 18/10/2011 22:14

If a teacher said nothing positive at a PE I would say "Is there anything positive to say about her?" It is upsetting if a teacher has nothing positive to say at all. I think it would be good practice to try to say at least one positive thing. After all, what is there to be gained from totally depressing the parents?

spiderpig8 · 18/10/2011 22:15

You sound a little bit needy

mumblecrumble · 18/10/2011 22:22

I'll be needy too then. becuase i think hearing how your DD is doing at school is very important. in fact i need to know so yes, I'll be needy too.

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