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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to get and stay pregnant?

70 replies

farfallarocks · 17/10/2011 16:17

I mean how HARD can it be, everyone else seems to be able to manage it judging by
a) my friends
b) the local park
c) my office

Argh!

OP posts:
Original poster
farfallarocks · 18/10/2011 16:47

It would be less annoying if someone could tell you how to relax and let it happen. i can see it makes sense but HOW.

breathing techniques? Hypnotism? Being bashed over the head and passing out for a couple of months whilst your DH still does the deed with you at the relevant times?

OP posts:
Maryz · 18/10/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 18/10/2011 16:56

I'm lucky, I have three beautiful sons but it took 16 years of trying, a mc inbetween each and two prem babies to get here

I've just lost my 4th ds at 20 weeks, due to incompetent cervix which is a problem I've never had before, pregnant women are everywhere, I'm avoiding facebook and as it's early days sometimes I feel like I don't want to leave the house incase a see someone who's pregnant .

I hope we all have a better day tomorrow and for those of you ttc I hope you have good news soon x x

Northernlurker · 18/10/2011 16:59

Just relax is the daftest advice ever - I mean how is that supposed to work? Are we supposed to believe that your egg sits there thinking 'nah, I can feel the waves of tension radiating through the tube walls - I'll give it a miss this month'?

I have been fortunate to conceive and carry without difficulty. I have now completed my family and I am working very hard not to put my foot in it with any of friends who are at the baby stage. I expect I'm not always successful but it's worth making an effort. I do agree OP - there are babies and BUMPS everywhere atm. I have one friend who delivered a fortnight ago, another delivered last week, one due in a fortnight and another two weeks after that. Then I know someone else due in March, have a new nephew or niece due then and have just remembered another friend who must now be two weeks overdue too.

Northernlurker · 18/10/2011 17:00

x posted with moomin - so sorry to read of your loss. Sad

AuntieDoris · 18/10/2011 17:09

Oh yeah I get this.

We have been TTC for over a year and not even a sniff of a pregnancy.

Sometimes life truly sucks.

Sillyshell · 18/10/2011 17:19

Just wanted to add my hugs to you all. It will be 18 months of trying for me this cycle and I'm so fed up with it.

Have made a dr's appointment for a couple weeks to get the ball rolling, so hopefully they will be able to help.

I cant imagine how awful it is to lose a baby, so I appreciate I am lucky never to have gone through that.

PandorasSocks · 18/10/2011 17:35

OP, I hope I didn't cause offence with my post (telling my story of 3 years, 5 miscarriages, then twins).

Maryz (and OP) I sincerely did not intend any offence or insult; simply telling what happened to me and to say that often there is hope. Not always, sadly, I know.

Original poster
farfallarocks · 18/10/2011 17:42

pandora not at all, I love stories like yours (the ending, not what you went through obviously!)

Mary I have no words, the priest Shock

northern your egg post made me laugh!!

moomin so sorry about your your DS

silly and aunti best of luck!

p.s. this must be the most consensual AIBU thread ever?

OP posts:
eaglewings · 18/10/2011 17:45

Not sure if it's good to know we are not alone in feeling like this, or sad that so many lovely women have to go through this pain.

After 12 months of trying and 3 miscarriages hoping to have our 4th child (3rd born to me) I'm finding I'm dreaming of bfing unknown babies in my sleep.

Finding it hard as there is a lovely mum at school who is expecting an unexpected baby when mine was due in March. She is still getting used to the idea.

Can I ask how long after a MC you were ready to try again? Do you think of giving up?

Jemimapuddleduk · 18/10/2011 17:46

YES - i know exactly how you are feeling and it is well and truly shite! Sorry to hear others are also in the same boat.
We are now on the 20th month of trying with 2 mc's along the way. This is the worst stage of my life to date (and also has tainted my first 20 months of marriage too). We both feel a bit broken and sad (a lot of the time actually).
And i agree there are pregnant people everywhere and it seems that everyone in our circle of friends and family manage to get preggers at first attempt, it feels very, very unfair.
It is promising to hear the happy ending stories here but it does feel like we are never going to get there at the moment (and i am usually an optimist!). I feel a rant over in t'hut is required soon.
Oh and i would recommend shutting down your FB account (i did 12 months ago due to constant baby updates from friends) it has made me feel a whole lot better. I don't miss it all, you can keep in touch with real friends by other means.
I hope all of us ttc will get longed for babies really soon.

JodieHarsh · 18/10/2011 17:51

YANBU.

It is a gigantic pain in the hole.

I deal with it by maintaining considerably more poise and sanguinity (is that a word?!) after 22 months of trying than some (now fully babied-up) compatriots displayed after a measly 6 months.

I have to get my moments of pride where I can Grin

JodieHarsh · 18/10/2011 17:53

Incidentally: I went to t'pub last night and met with some friends. One of them I had seen 3 months ago and we had chatted about TTCing. She was still on the Pill at the time and was wondering about coming off, since she is 35 and knew it might take some time. Blowed if she didn't announce she'd just had her 12 weeks scan. I swear she must've gone home after I saw her last (and encouraged her to start TTCing) and immediately conceived Shock

Still. I have given up wondering what's wrong with me. I think it's the cruel randomness of bloody Mother Nature.

Jemimapuddleduk · 18/10/2011 18:04

OP just to clarify - when i said YES - i meant yes i totally get it, not Yes YABU!! This prolonged ttc business is making my brain mushy.

Moominsarescary · 18/10/2011 18:05

Hi eagle after I mc last June ( at 8 weeks) we tried straight away as we had been ttc for 14 months I got pg within 2 months and had ds3 early at 32 weeks he is now 7 months, I then ( surprisingly) got pg again within 2 months of him being born which was the little boy we just lost.

After my first mc 10 years ago I didn't ttc for about a year, it again took about a year to fall pg with ds2

CBear6 · 18/10/2011 18:05

YANBU at all.

It's shitty and unfair and it's bloody hard. We tried for three years to get pregnant, had every test going, and then when it did eventually happen (and naturally at that) I lost it to mc. It was like the world's cruellest joke and back we went to trying to conceive but with even more frustration and uncertainty. At one point I ended up in counselling when I admitted to DH that I was seriously contemplating stealing a baby from the hospital and I was scared to listen to that compulsion because it seemed like such a rational idea (the counselling really did help by the way).

I did get pregnant again and we had DS after nine months of bleeds and worry. Then I lost another at 15 weeks followed by DD who is 5 weeks old. That's not me gloating or being smug, I promise. On my darkest days, I never thought I would ever have children and even on my best days I never dreamed I'd be blessed enough to have two. I really hope it happens for you all, I know some amazing people who would make wonderful parents and my heart breaks to see them struggle when others seem to get pregnant merely from thinking about it.

Big glasses of Wine all round.

JodieHarsh · 18/10/2011 18:09

Cbear I am so terribly sorry your road was so hard, and so very very glad you have your lovely children now. Thanks for sharing that - I know it sounds awful, as if I like hearing sad tales, but the happiness at the end gives a lot of hope Thanks

freedom2011 · 18/10/2011 20:21

YANBU. 2.5 years trying here. Just 1 mc so far thankfully (thankful that it is just one MC not multiple MCs or worse). So farfallarocks, sure, feel angry, sad, envious and frustrated but please don't think you are alone. No baby yet for me either but I haven't given up hope. It's been a great help to me too to read everyone's stories.

So Well Done and Thank You for reaching out and saying how it is.

CBear6 · 18/10/2011 20:31

eaglewings, we started trying again as soon as possible after we were ready following both miscarriages. For the first this was after just two weeks which is why I think I went, for want of a better word, a little bit loopy. Looking back I didn't give myself enough time to recover emotionally and it was the worst thing I could have done. Second time we waited about two months and I felt much better about it. It's all a question of how you feel rather than there being a time limit on when to start again. TTC and mc and any issues in that area are draining and knock after knock grinds you down. DH had said in advance that if we had lost DD he couldn't try again because he couldn't keep putting me (or him) through it which I didn't want but I could see his point.

Original poster
farfallarocks · 19/10/2011 09:20

cbear what a lovely story!

I can sympathise with the going nuts part, I was the same after my first MC, started trying again straight away and went loopy when it did not happen first time. My friend announced her 2nd pregnancy and I felt nothing but rage about it and then I felt extreme guilt for that and started wondering what sort of person I was becoming (having never been the envious type)

I was a nightmare to live with and DH tactfully suggested going to see one and although I was horrified I went, had 2 sessions and that was all it took to sort me out.

freedom I am glad this has helped in some small way, best of luck with it all and to jemima also.

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