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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that my DS was so upset

40 replies

bucketbetty · 16/10/2011 22:03

when shouted at by a taxi full of lads because he has ginger hair. His little face was so so sad. He had a tantrum tonight too and said he wishes he wasn't born, he hates his hair and his skinny body. FFS he's only 9. Why are people so so cruel. Poor little angel. I just don't know what to do to support him. He will always be a beautiful red head and I'm sure he'll manage it better when he's older, but he's bullied so much because of it. I can't tell you the comments he gets. It's heartbreaking to see him so clearly hurt by it and there's very little I can do about it.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 16/10/2011 22:05

JeremyVile · 16/10/2011 22:06

Oh poor lad

What a bunch of utter arse holes.

grumplestilskin · 16/10/2011 22:06

if money was no object take him on hols to the states! red hair is exotic there and people stop read heads in the streets to tell them how beautiful their hair is!

I travelled there with a bloke who had red hair and no joke he had the pick of the ladies and dated a super rich GORGEOUS girl whose father casually flew them both to paris for a family outing!

I love red hair! do not understand this countries attitude! i head that red head boys have trouble getting adopted! how vile that people claiming to be desperate for a child turn down a child on hair colour!

Sevenfoldedbloodybodies · 16/10/2011 22:07

aww that is a shame

StuntCubble · 16/10/2011 22:08

Oh that's awful of course yanbu. What awful bastards. sad for your ds too

duvetdayplease · 16/10/2011 22:08

Totally understand why you feel sad. My DH's brother has red hair, he travelled a lot and in many countries red hair is adored. I'm sorry this happened to your little boy.

Original poster

bucketbetty · 16/10/2011 22:08

It's heartbreaking. Oh, and the next time my boss calls him ginger (soft g) I'm going to poke him in the fucking eye!!!

OP posts:

winnybella · 16/10/2011 22:09

Poor kid

I'm utterly perplexed about the whole red hair thing I mean it's just a colour.

Hmm...can you find some role models (sport, science, whatever your ds is into) who have/had red hair?

In the end, he'll come to realise that it doesn't matter a jot, but it must be hard for him now.

TipOfTheSlung · 16/10/2011 22:10

Tell him red is very in at the moment and that those boys must be incredibly sad to not know that. Karen Gillen, Janet on x factor, Rupert Grint... there are so many cool redheads around. I wish I had hair like Karen Gillen

Original poster

bucketbetty · 16/10/2011 22:14

He loves music and I'm so pleased Ed Sheeran is doing well, he's someone my DS will look up to. Here's hoping he's the first of a long line of well thought of red heads. My DS is so beautiful too, he has the most amazing porcelain skin and long thick (albeit) blonde eye lashes. He looks like a little pre raphaelite. He'll be fine I'm sure. I just need to get him over this thing about this hair. He's even asked if he can dye it. I guess kids will always find something to pick on, mind you it's not just kids.

OP posts:

Boys2mam · 16/10/2011 22:17

That is utterly awful.

My DS1 is 7 and has a small red blemish under his left eye. It drives me bonkers that EVERY SINGLE PERSON he meets asks about it, asking if he has a "black eye". Poor thing is so conscious of it, it literally appeared from nowhere.

Minus273 · 16/10/2011 22:18

He wants to dye his hair? :(

I wish I could get a hold of these people who ridicule people like that. They make me so angry.

winnybella · 16/10/2011 22:18

You're right that kids will always find something to pick on...you come form a poor family, you're too skinny or too heavy, you have a funny nose or wear funny clothes...whatever. I don't think it will matter at all in the secondary school, tbh.

Minus273 · 16/10/2011 22:19

The thing is this was adults winny, or did I read the OP wrong?

Doodlez · 16/10/2011 22:19

Bucket, we're in the same boat. My DS (10) has had so many nasty comments and he lost so much self-confidence and self-esteem because of them. He begs me to let him dye his hair. He has done since he was about 8

Today, at rugby, one of the kids from the other team called him for his hair colour and DS ended up swearing at him. He looked liked he was going to punch him at first and I was on the starting blocks, ready to leg it over and stop him. I was completely shocked at the massiveness of DS's reaction .

Then he burst in to tears, ran off the pitch and threw himself into my arms. Our coach, the other parents, players all got behind him, soothed him down and got him back on but he played whilst still crying. It really did get to him today.

We've tried to explain that other people will always look for something to call other people about but as DS himself has worked out, being called 'ginger' is considered not very important. Call someone for being over-weight, disabled, black and something is done about it but nobody takes slagging off hair colour seriously and nor do they seem to understand the huge negative affect it can have on the child.

DogsBeastFiend · 16/10/2011 22:20

Horrible so and so's. My DD2 has red hair, it's stunning, but she too gets the grief and bullying which your DS has experienced. You tell him from me that I think red hair is gorgeous and I'm very jealous.

bibbitybobbityhat · 16/10/2011 22:20

Do you think anyone is going to say yabu?

squeakytoy · 16/10/2011 22:21

Thats a shame, but I would point out to him the very many people with red hair who are very successful, well known, and have achieved so much, as well as being idolised by others.

9 is an awkward age for many kids, they have grown out of the innocence of being too young to pick up on comments, but are not equipped with enough confidence to shrug off the ignorant behaviour of idiots.

Doodlez · 16/10/2011 22:22

Oh and I forgot to say, my DS has had this shit from adults too.

marriedinwhite · 16/10/2011 22:24

Dreadful behaviour and it's bullying and a form of legal discrimination and it's being focused on hair colour and becoming concentrated and sounds horrid. Poor lad. He will end up with the last laugh though I'm sure. Try to remember all the famous red heads: Henry VIII, Prince Harry, and lots and lots of others.

Mightimama · 16/10/2011 22:24

Adults??? Fecking scum of the earth.

browneyesblue · 16/10/2011 22:24

What a bunch of idiots! I love red hair, it looks so beautiful, and have to admit I was a little bit sad when DS's hair started to darken from red to brown. Obviously I think he's gorgeous no matter what his hair colour, but I really did love it when it was red.

cantpooinpeace · 16/10/2011 22:26

My husband was is very skinny and a balding Ginger. He's ageing gracefully and is avoiding mid life spread very well. It will all be ok one day :(.

notlettingthefearshow · 16/10/2011 22:29

Kids always find things to pick on I'm afraid. Weight, height, colouring, voice, characteristics, taste in music, anything which is not exactly the same as 'the norm'. It is baffling and depressing and something I think is particularly bad in UK.

I'm so sorry you feel helpless and of course you feel dreadful for your son. I hope others have some useful advice for you - I'm yet to experience it but sure it'll come.

Original poster

bucketbetty · 16/10/2011 22:30

Doodle, that was so sad to read. I understand your little man's pain. I see it from time to time with my DS. He gets it from adults and children and those inbetween. I'm positive he will have the last laugh. He's so beautiful, kind and talented (with no faults at all of course!) I'm pleased to get it off my chest. And our little red heads will

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