To be fed up with my dp for refusing to take paternity leave for financial reasons?

[Heavensmells]

DS2 due at end of November, dp has 6 days holiday leave left and says he will use those instead of taking pat leave then we won't lose any money.
Was really looking forward to him taking 2 wks off as really enjoyed this time with ds1. Had PND when I had DD 10 yrs ago, he went back to work on a night shift within 3 hrs of us bringing her home and whilst I'm sure PND wasn't caused by this I don't think it helped.
I have been expecting him to use his 6 days leave and take 1 wk pat leave but he thinks that we will lose too much money in Xmas wage. AIBU to think sod the money we'll manage or should I just stop being a mardy arse and just get on with it?

YABU you DH is taking 6 days off and doesn't want to lose money on the run up to Christmas. He can take paternity leave after Christmas. When my DD's were born there wasn't any Paternity leave so DH could only take a few days AL each time. We were fine.

I think YANBU, but YA also B a bit Unfair. Even in this age of supposed gender equality, men are still socialised from childhood to think of themselves as protectors, and as the one responsible for economic security of the family. Your DH is just doing what society has trained him to think he should do: do his utmost to make sure his family has enough resources to be safe and comfortable. If you're angry with him for leaving you to face childbirth alone, but without addressing the societal pressure on him to keep earning so you and the baby have enough money to get by, you're putting him in a pretty uncomfortable position. He may just feel like he can't win either way.

If you want him to take more time off, please talk about it with him gently. Work out the budget together, help him feel secure that you've got enough money for him to take a bit more time off, and to understand that he won't be letting his family down by not earning but rather supporting his family by being around in the early days.

It depends on your work . I couldn't with the first three have that set up and I expressed instead and 20 years on wow have we all benefited from that slight inconvenience to me of commuting, expressing etc and being back at work at er using 2 weeks of my annual deal to have the babies. Then I gaine more money and power and took the risk to work for myself so I could set up things to ensure that with the twins I was around where they were. It was much easier then. Even just financially. Instead of touring local homes with second hand high chairs for sale and jumble sales of the baby clothes I could sit down for 1 hour with the mothercare catalogue and order all baby stuff in one go. Different times, different babies, different incomes.

Also when we had the firtst baby who is now 27 the cost of the nanny was 50% of each of our salaries (we earned the same) so in effect one of us was working for nothing . The next year I think there woudl have been a £1k profit and 27 years on from her birth I'm doing pretty well. In other words working at a loss because I picked a well paid career in my teens with career progression rather than decided to be an artist or work in a shop meant it was worth that working at loss because I knew I would have a 40 year lucrative and really fascinating career, something to discuss with our daughters really for women who ended up in dead end low paid jobs.. why did you get there, do you mind that you did and woudl it make sense for your daughter to p ick a carer where sshe could hire a daily nanny (and by the way they don't need to be qu alified - I never needed that and if they look after 3 of your children at home - we had 3 under 4 the first ones, it can be cheaper than 3 nursery places fo don't discount a daily nanny always as an option.

Xenia I think that you misunderstood the points of my post. I do work. We share the financial decisions as a couple. I'm sure that if I'd have really made a fuss that he would have taken the paternity leave but tbh honest I wanted opinion if I was BU to expect this.

I understand your point but we are a family unit in every way, including financially. This doesn't work for everybody but it usually works for us

Xenia I would neither have been able to or want to go back to work full time when my babies were 2 weeks old. You need ( well I certainly did) more time than that to bond with your children. Also babies need their mothers.