To want our family and friends to help us?

[Knackeredmother]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable to feel like this and am getting quite bitter so value some honest opinions.
My son is nearly 2 and has had over 25 hospital admissions. He gets respiratory distress with every cold and is frequently blue lighted in for Oxygen/Nebs/antibiotics. He's needed lumbar punctures in the past and gets really sick. I have another child and a self employed dh whose business is sinking from all the time off he needs.
Being in hospital is so draining and emotionally exhausting and I get about 1 hour sleep a night due to the usual alarms, hourly meds etc. I do hospital alone as my husband needs to work/ look after my dd.
We have ironing up to the ceiling, we don't eat properly, the dog rarely gets a proper walk, the house is a tip and we are sinking.
We have both lost our mums and my dad lives in Scotland. My dh family live within 5 miles and never, ever help us. Friends used to offer to help but when I'd say can you walk the dog, get some shopping there would be some excuse.
Now I know people have their own lives and children and don't have the time to help us regularly. People were good the first admission but since then it's become normal for us to be in hospital.
I do tell people we are struggling but I'm so conscious I just sound like I'm moaning. The hospital ask every time about 'support' but how can they help- come and walk the dog?
We pay for as much as we can afford, cleaner etc but I just want someone to knock at the door with some bread and milk or a lasagne! I'm starting to cut off family and friends because I'm so bitter so really need some perspective.
I'm also trying to hold down a professional job with very unsympathetic managers (phoned from the ambulance on thur to say I couldn't make
My nightshift and was told tough, leave him with the nurses)
And before anyone says it I'm not depressed just struggling to cope in a really difficult situation without any support.
So AIBU to feel pissed off at our family and friends?
A bit long sorry .......

I think Balsam is right. If I was your friend I would be happy to walk your dog and things like that, but I would be a bit about shopping or cleaning given how much help you have, you can do shopping online, etc.

It sounds like if you get a new nanny and more understanding at work, things will improve immensely though.

Balsam and screaming, thankyou for your responses. You are right about throwing money at the problem although we honestly don't have much.
But now my head is clearer I think what I was trying to convey but failed is that I need perhaps more emotional support.
People don't even acknowledge he has been ill or ask how he is. I went back to work today and not one of my bosses asked how I/ds was. It's become so normal for him to be ill.
Anyway, I am sounding like 'poor me' which is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
I've had some lively support and suggestions on here.

Oh gosh, that's terrible. Your bosses really do sound awful.
I really hope things get better for you soon

Oops just seen the other posts.
Ssd, no I'm bf my ds (nearly 2) but my dd tried to go to 3 (did not want to stop!)
WRT the nanny, she is part time. She is great with the kids but no I do not think she is doing enough. She has been with us a year, sees what we go through but does not seem to do anything 'extra'. I do find it a bit odd that she sees us struggling but I never leave her with ds when he is really sick so not sure she fully understand.
If I text her from hospital to let her know we are in she never replies and asks how he is.
I left her a message yesterday to say we need to meet to have a chat about things as ds had been in hospital again and asking when was good. She didn't reply but left a message on my voicemail while I was at work saying she got the message and 'forgot' to reply. She then asked my dh if she could leave early today for her sons parents evening so was gone before I got home.
I am definitely going to have a chat when I can pin her down and spell out what we need. I just find it a bit odd that she never responds when I tell her he is ill again.
I've already asked for advice on the nanny board re this.

Ah, I see. You don't really care about the ironing, you just want the people in your life to acknowledge that things are tough for you and be sympathetic and thoughtful. Rightly so.

I don't know you OP but I bet you're one of those people who outwardly appears to be absolutely fine when inside, you're going down. I don't think your friends and family don't care about you, I think they just don't realise what's going on. Perhaps you should tell them. Scream it at them if need be?

Meanwhile, there's lots of sympathy and understanding for you on here.

Balsam, you've just articulated what I'm feeling but my addled brain couldn't process the words!
I suppose I just want him to be well and life not to be so bl

Oody tough all the time.

Knackered, you won't like this,but I think you should not stay with your child at night when he is admitted to hospital
Our dd was very ill many times between the ages of two and eleven (she is 13 now);intensive care; intubated; blue lights all over the country. By chance we did not stay in with her after the first couple of admissions (we had another dd only two years older). She came to realise that we did not stay at night; we settled her and saw the night shift in (8 pm at our local hospital); then went. This kept us sane, I think,and we would turn up at breakfast time for shift change again having had supper at home and a sort of proper night's sleep. It seems mean at first but becomes habit.
Secondly, I am a coper, but friends wanted to help and did not know how. So one wonderful friend set up a rota system for people to do specific things whenever dd was ill: it worked brilliantly; I just had to ring the first person and things swung into action. Dog walks, pick up dd1 from school and give her tea; prescriptions, etc. Could you try that with any of your friends?
Sorry if my first suggestion sounds hard but with an ill child going on for years, you really really need to be kind to yourself.

It sounds really tough.

But, if I were your friend, and offered to help, and you suggested I come and walk your dog, I would think you were not really snowed under at all! If all you could think of were to walk a dog to help with the burden! I would think "sod that, they need to re-home the dog". Animal ownership, sadly, does not combine very well with a sick child. (I suppose you have looked into whether he could be allergic to the dog, incidentally?)

And shopping? Drop by with some milk and bread? That is what online shopping is for!

If on the other hand I offered my assistance, and you said "yes, please that would be lovely, what kind of help did you have in mind?" And then list a few chores other than dog walking, I would be around like a shot. Then you could maybe walk your dog (unless rehomed) and get some air while I did your ironing.

Big Big Hugs.

I really do think you would do well to look around for a new nanny, one with a more nurturing nature who would look after you all - who would be there for you as well. It is entirely possible to find one who is there as a third adult in the home to look after you all and not just 'do the basic job'.