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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work full time

36 replies

pinkyp · 15/10/2011 01:00

I always worked part time since having children between 14-30 hrs, basic wage etc. Now I've been offered a full time job, good money the only down side is every other week I'll be doing afters, finishing 10pm. I have a 10 month old who I've not yet left longer than 4hours and a 4 year old. On the crap shift week I'll not see my little boy (4) at all as his dad will be taking him to school and he'll be in bed when I get back. I'm also really close to my baby and it breaks my heart thinking about leaving him. But! finically we would be so much better off if I took this job, we could relax a little, treat kids etc. Aibu to secretly not wanting it? I can't stop thinking about it

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/10/2011 01:03

Would you not be able to take your boy to school when you are on the later shifts?

trixymalixy · 15/10/2011 01:10

But surely the flip side is that there'll be a good shift where you get to see a bit more of them every other week?

You obviously don't want to take the job though.....

Original poster
pinkyp · 15/10/2011 01:12

I would yeh but dh has said it'd be better if he did as I wouldn't get back until 10.30pm then by time I had tea, got in bed etc it'd be at least midnight he said I wouldn't want to get up at 7 when I have a long afters shift ahead. he's done them before I haven't

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkyp · 15/10/2011 01:14

Yeh the week after I'd be doing 8-4.30 so would have evenings with both ds's

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 15/10/2011 01:16

I would take it, but see it as short term thing to give you more experience/ open more doors. It obviously isn't ideal but I would try and look at the bigger picture, and if there are significant long term benefits or opportunities I would go with it. Also, your baby will be with his daddy, so its not as if you are leaving him with a variety of strangers.

margerykemp · 15/10/2011 05:28

Is it 5 days a week?

pinkytheshrinky · 15/10/2011 05:41

I can completely see why you would not want to take this job. I guess it all depends on how much you need the money: if it really is for extras like treating the kids then I wouldn't bother, if it is about paying for essentials then you have to. I just think yes. it is nice to treat the kids but they would rather have time with their Mummy than stuff. Also very other week you would not have the evening with the DH - this too has a knock on effect.

Grockle · 15/10/2011 05:51

I hated working full time and not seeing much of DS. I work in a school so have sensible-ish hours but have just started working 4 days instead of 5. If you don't want to don't, don't. Money is important but children are only small once. You have to be happy with your decision.

JaneBennet · 15/10/2011 06:04

I think it depends on how much the extra money will help, if it pays bills or goes towards bigger, long term goals then I would do it. I've just upped my hours as we are not making the headway we need with our short term financial goals. But I still do all the school runs and activities, DH can't do any of them due to his hours.

Your younger child is very young so I think I would find that hard. Perhaps do it with a short term view, try it for 6 months and then reassess where you are.

KittyFane · 15/10/2011 06:49

Sorry OP, the shifts sound awful. You would have more money with this job which you say would allow you to relax a bit (with money?)
But your life could become quite stressful.
I would take time over money any day.

MrsKitty · 15/10/2011 07:09

I work shifts, and have a 4 year old & a 2 year old. It actually works out OK for us. Yes, I have times when I feel I'd rather be doing less hours, but my job cannot be part time, and I doubt I'd find a part time role that paid a similar hourly rate.

On 'crap shift' week (which for me is 14:00 - 22:00) I get up at 7ish to spend time with DS & DD, then take DS to school for 9. I then do stuff with DD until about 1030-11, and then take her in to nursery in time for her to have lunch. I then either pop home for an hour or so to do a bit of tidying/have lunch or I go shopping/do errands (postoffice/ bank etc) on my way to work. Get home from work around 1030, and pretty much go straight to bed. (I'm able to have a quick 'dinner break' at work, rather than eating when I get home.) It is rubbish getting home so late and not being there for bedtime, but I also manage to get quite a bit done that week, and I do get to spend some time with the DC.

Bear in mind though, that if your working days change as well as your hours in your roster you may end up paying more in childcare - Although I don't work every day every week, I work every day at some point and therefore have had to pay for a full time nursery place to ensure there is always a place available. Now that DS has started school I've been very lucky with the afterschool club - they are being very flexible and agreed that I only need to pay for the days DS attends (which works out to around 3 weeks in every 6, when I'm on 'late' or 'middle' shifts)

HauntyMython · 15/10/2011 08:09

If you're getting by, and you really don't want to do it, then don't. Extra money (unless it's bringing you above the breadline) is no substitute for missing your family.

We (me, DH, 4yo, 2yo) are surviving on one PT wage (just above minimum) - I'm doing an apprenticeship, thankfully my council made a pledge to pay proper wages to apprentices!

I love doing PT - I have more time with the family and to do housework and volunteering. I couldn't do FT right now; on paper I should be able to as DH is a SAHD but that's only by necessity - he got injured last year and is in constant agony, there's no way he would cope physically with all 10 school runs etc.

My apprenticeship ends next summer and they've made it clear they'll want to keep me on which is great, but I have no idea what I'll do if they can only offer me FT. When (more like 'if' :() DH is better we would rather have both of us working PT.

Sorry

LindyHemming · 15/10/2011 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callmemrs · 15/10/2011 08:26

But your dh will be taking your 4 yr old to school on the mornings
after you've done the late shift, and also doing the evening routine for the kids on those days so its actually rather nice and good for the children (who are central here) to have that isn't it?

You also imply that on the other weeks you'll be able to take your child' to school which is a bonus really as most full time workers can't ever do that.

From the way 'you describe the job, it sounds as though childcare will be managed between 'you and your dh which will not only mean the real plus of more money without childcare bills- 'but also it gives your children more time with their dad directly caring for them- and not just doing the fun weekend stuff but the normal bedtime routine, cooking them dinner and bathtime etc. That is incredibly valuable both for the kids and him. I would take the job as it sounds as though it will give your family greater financial security. It wont take long for 'you to slot into your new routine. Full time seems like a big deal when you're part time. But it really isn't- you just adapt and it feels normal really quickly.

DumSpiroSpero · 15/10/2011 08:27

What time would you have to go into work when doing the late shifts? Would it be possible to spend some time with your LO's in the morning on those days?

If it means you will basically not see them at all every other week, then personally I wouldn't even consider it, unless like some other posters have said, it is the only way to afford essentials.

You need to factor in not just the work and time with your kids, but also looking after the home, time for you & your DH and for you individually.

A few months ago I changed my hours - working one late day so I could earn the same money but have a day off during the week (we are all on the same schedule in our house so I was getting no time to do housework or have a bit of me time and it was driving me crazy!). I've now been asked to take on a few more hours.
I'm happy to stay on later (childcare permitting), and switch my day off if needs be, but both my boss and I know that there is no way on Gods green earth I will sacrifice my 'free day' on a permanent basis.

Some things just aren't worth it.

Original poster
pinkyp · 15/10/2011 08:28

Me and dh are really struggling financially, debts are min payments etc, don't have money to go anywhere this weekend etc, so it would be great money wise. Half of me is saying do it I'll get use to it/still get plenty of time with ds2 and will have to make time for ds1. If I think try it and see If i like it (more of a temp thing) then i feel a bit better about it. Dh says if u hate it I could find a pt job or the company I'm with might have something pt (big company)

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 15/10/2011 08:31

Having read your last post, if you have the option of giving it a go and reverting back to part-time if it doesn't work for you, then it's probably worth a try.

I know for a fact that if I was to go full-time and then want to change back I would never hear the end of it from my DH, Sad hence me digging my heels in.

Original poster
pinkyp · 15/10/2011 08:37

One week it'll be 8-4.30 the next Its 1.30-10. I'd see ds2 (10 months) right up to 12,45-1 on the rubbish days and we co-sleep when he wakes in the night.

My week would be like this: (ds1 goes to school 8.40-3)

Mon - mum having ds's
Tue - dh having ds's
Wed - mum having ds's
Thur / fri - child minder in morning or nursery 7.30-12.30 then my mum would have ds1 until either 5 (if I'm on earlys or if I'm on late dh would pick them up at 6.30)

OP posts:
cumbria81 · 15/10/2011 08:39

I don't think getting up at 7 after going to be at midnight is bad at all, that's ample sleep. You could do a couple of mornings a week?

NinkyNonker · 15/10/2011 08:43

If you're struggling financially I think you need to go for it, sorry. Your situation doesn't sound sustainable or fun, so you have equal responsibility with your DH to improve it. Your kids will be fine, though I appreciate it'll be hard for you to before with.

NinkyNonker · 15/10/2011 08:45

And I agree with Cumbria, 7 hrs sleep is very respectable.

DumSpiroSpero · 15/10/2011 09:10

To be fair - 7 hours sleep is respectable if it is unbroken sleep. OP has mentioned that her DS2 partially co-sleeps, which won't always be easy.

What time does your DS1 go to bed? If you finish at 4.30pm what time will you get home and then will you have to do chores, cook dinner etc before giving him any attention?

It does sound like financially you need to give it a shot - I think you might need to put a bit effort into making sure you have enough time with DS1 with those hours, but it's do-able.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

juneau · 15/10/2011 09:16

If I had your money problems I think I would accept and give it a go. If it really is unbearable then you don't have to stick to it long-term, but while I was doing it I would be religious about paying down the debts. See it as a means to an end - and you never know - you might actually make it work for all of you and enjoy it.

callmemrs · 15/10/2011 09:20

Yes, as you are struggling financially then you'd be mad not to take full time work tbh. All the signs are that things aren't going to improve economically for a long time. If you are only making minimum payments on debts, then long term you are going to be throwing away thousands of pounds on interest payments. It's a depressing position to be in, and I think you'll feel much 'better getting it under control. Also, you have minimal childcare costs if you only need to pay for one morning nursery. I think once you're in the swing you'll be fine. A lot of it is about routine and habit. When you're used to working just two or three days then the thought of a full time job is scary, but once you're doing it, you realise it's totally normal and do-able

pinkytheshrinky · 15/10/2011 09:20

7 hours sleep - crikey, I cannot remember the last time I had 7 hours sleep