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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to be head bridesmaid at sisters wedding??

63 replies

onwardandupwards · 14/10/2011 20:38

its not that we dont get on,i love her to bits,but my sis is a size 6,my other sisters who have also been asked to be bridesmaids are sizes 6 and 8, and her best mate is a size 8, however i am a size 22 and compared to them i will look huge! dont have much confidence any way and this is giving me nightmares. Dont want to upset her but dont want to look stupid either, please help!

OP posts:
purplewerepidj · 14/10/2011 20:40

She loves you.

She asked you.

She doesn't want the size stupid skinny minnies, she wants the sister she adores and respects.

YABU (in the nicest possible way) Smile

CaptainMartinCrieff · 14/10/2011 20:43

What purple said!

squeakytoy · 14/10/2011 20:48

well, she has asked you to be "head bridesmaid" which makes it clear it is because she WANTS you to be part of it, and isnt just asking you because she feels she has to..

when is the wedding?

LydiaWickham · 14/10/2011 20:50

Look, your sister wants to look at her wedding photos and see herself surrounded by people who love her and and happy that she's so happy. The size of those people isn't what matters.

And I'm sure she'll get you a gorgeous dress and you'll look fab!

Maryz · 14/10/2011 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnreallyveryscary · 14/10/2011 20:55

What everyone else has said, plus why don't you aim to lose weight before the wedding?

aldiwhore · 14/10/2011 20:57

I was 'chief' bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding two years ago... I still carried my baby weight plus some cake weight and wasn't confident at all.

I LOVED it. I was realistic, I was the fattest bridesmaid there (size 20), the rest were probably a size 14 between all 3 of them!

But I was CHIEF. I had the stature, I had the title, and no one would dare argue.

I also had a very understanding bride who allowed me a slighlty differnet dress design than the others, no movement on colour, but at least I could wear something that didn't make me look like a constipated colon.

YOU WILL NOT LOOK STUPID. Or rather, you will ONLY look stupid if a) your face says you feel it and b) you're wearing something only a size 0 could look good in.

Please don't turn her down, but DO discuss your worries with her. TELL her that you'll need to find a dress you feel happy in, tell her your worries, and then tell her how utterly touched you are to be held in such high esteem.

If all else fails sweety, and this may hurt, you really can lose a few lbs between now and then... I didn't believe I could so didn't, but having lost 2 stone since March (and that's done slowly) I can safely say that if you're not happy the way you are (and you have every right to feel happy the way you are) then you can do something about it with the right support.

Please don't deny yourself this opportunity to be at your sister's side. I talked myself out of being ASKED to be MY sister's bridesmaid (she thought by asking I'd feel awkward, she was right) and I regret it massively.

YANBU to feel the way you do. YABU to dismiss the chance because of the way you feel. x

Original poster
onwardandupwards · 14/10/2011 20:59

my other sis said that the only reason i was asked to be head bridesmaid was to cover the fact i would need a bigger dress from a "special big girls shop" (her words) she then went on to compare me to ursula the sea witch (from Disneys The Little Mermaid)

OP posts:
Maryz · 14/10/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnreallyveryscary · 14/10/2011 21:01

And in addition to my previous post, going by your last post: welcome to Mumsnet

Original poster
onwardandupwards · 14/10/2011 21:10

Thank you all for your lovely and helpful coments. will mabe try to shift a few pounds by the big day. Am close to sister (the nice one whos getting married) so will talk to her.

OP posts:
Onemorning · 14/10/2011 21:11

My DSis was my chief bridesmaid. She's a size 24. She's beautiful and I was proud to have her supporting me on the day.

purplewerepidj · 14/10/2011 21:14

Your other sister is a bitch.

What can you change - a vicious tongue, or a few pounds? Hire a personal trainer only thing that'll get me in a gym join a dance class, sign up to weight watchers... It obviously bothers you, but weight is within your control Smile

Trills · 14/10/2011 21:16

Your other sister is being a cow.

Your sister who wants you to be her bridesmaid, wants you to be her bridesmaid.

As sister of the bride you are going to be in a lot of pictures anyway. Get a dress that makes you feel good (the the other bridesmaids can match your colour in a different style if they like) and SMILE.

troisgarcons · 14/10/2011 21:19

If you arent comfortable being 'bridesmaid' - then be matron of honour - you wont have to wear an becoming frock - pick a nice suit.

But in reality, your sister loves you and wouldnt put you in a situation where you looked 'stupid' or would want to make you uneasy.

Original poster
onwardandupwards · 14/10/2011 21:24

Think losing a few pounds is a good idea, just need to find a eating plan i can stick to tried slimming world and it just was not for me.

OP posts:
LaVitaBellissima · 14/10/2011 21:24

Just to echo what everyone else has said, she's your sister and she wants you to be a part of her big day.

Aldiwhore That's the nicest post, that answers an OP fully, that I think I've ever read on mumsnet, honestly these are for you Thanks

purplewerepidj · 14/10/2011 21:33

What about an exercise class? Find something that interests you - aerobics, aquarobics, ballet, zumba, netball - and make some friends while you do it?

Original poster
onwardandupwards · 14/10/2011 21:42

went swimming then sis shouted "watch out theres a whale about" I got out the pool and legged it back to the safety of the changing rooms as fast as i could! I do love to dance and have always wanted to learn to belly dance, do u have to be super fit for that?

OP posts:
Casmama · 14/10/2011 21:45

I think you need to stay away from the poisonous sister as much as possible. She is doing nothing for your self esteem and sounds like a nasty little witch.

rubyrubyruby · 14/10/2011 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LydiaWickham · 14/10/2011 21:46

also to suggest, could you ask if you can have a dress that suits you but the same material as the other dresses? That way will be different than them to avoid direct comparision, but still look in the wedding party.

Your other sister, is being a cow. Is she always putting you down like that?

Jackstini · 14/10/2011 21:49

Belly dancing is a great idea - you do not have to be super fit at all, but it will get you fitter.
What I love is that your sister thinks more of YOU as a person - not wanting her wedding party to look like a bundle of sticks like some bridezillas.
I think you should go for it & lose a bit, but also look beautifully normal and womanly.
Oh - and you will definitely have the best norks! Wink

LydiaWickham · 14/10/2011 21:51

BTW - I do Zumba, it's a good laugh and the lights tend to be down low as it's got a 'disco' feel - so noone can clearly see you.

You might want to find a Zumba Gold class to start with, it's a bit lower impact which might help you build up fitness.

purplewerepidj · 14/10/2011 21:52

Other sister can dance the fuck fandango - she's poisonous and I am furious on your behalf - how dare she speak to you like that?!

Go swimming and spend time with people you actually like - this one isn't worth the paper she's written on.

The point of doing the dance class - including belly dancing - is that you get fit by doing it. Everyone starts somewhere Grin