Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT want a short 'mum'-cut, but the hair-pulling is DRIVING ME MAD!

32 replies

libbyssister · 13/10/2011 20:52

DS3 is 14mo and has been a hair puller from quite a young age. He does it for comfort whenever he sits on my lap and is pulling it out by the roots. To make things worse, my hair has only recently stopped falling out after my post-pregnancy moult. If I tie it back he just pulls the fine, shorter hairs on my neck. It hurts!

Is there any other solution other than taking myself off to the hairdressers and getting that short hair cut that mothers of small children consider in desperation?

OP posts:
MrsJasonBourne · 13/10/2011 21:04

Telling him off?

Seriously, he won't break. I'd have probably smacked his hand away if it was me, but I'm harsh! Just yell 'ow!' to get his attention and then put him down, get away from him, so he's no longer getting your attention.

It's a bit like dog training I find. They tend to learn through actions and consequences. I realise that sounds mental, I didn't mean it to!

Original poster
libbyssister · 13/10/2011 21:11

Grin maybe I should be more firm with him about it. He'll probably cry because he dissolves into tears at the drop of a hat...but it's him or me! DS2 twiddles my ear when he's sucking his thumb and sometimes it's both of them clawing at me. GAH!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 13/10/2011 21:12

A good firm NO and a stern face will probably do the trick

If he's pulling the fine hairs on the back of your neck, getting it cut short won't change that.

LordOfTheFlies · 13/10/2011 21:21

YY to telling him no.

My DS used to grab my glasses when he was a baby and that had to stop PQD.

Also if he does it to you, he'll do it to other people.

Glasses, earrings, hair - shouldn't be pulled.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 13/10/2011 21:22

I think smacking his hand away or yelling "no" is a bit harsh to be honest.

You say he's doing it for comfort? The firm No is ok if he's doing it for fun/anger but as it's for comfort then I think it would be better if you encouraged him to do something else.

When my ds2 BF he used to really nip at my skin, rubbing bits in his fingers, it wasn't on purpose but for comfort but it hurt, so I gave him a small hand sized bean bag type thing that he could roll between his fingers instead. Took 2 days of giving him the bean bag at every feed to forget about pinching me.

Good Luck!

Ps: Having your hair cut short doesn't work as my friend found out. Wink

Original poster
libbyssister · 13/10/2011 21:48

Yeah, it's for comfort. He sucks his fingers and the other hand seems to automatically reach up for my hair.... He hasn't got much hair of his own so maybe it's envy! He does pull on his own hair now and then when he's sucking his fingers. He does it absent-mindedly, it's not aggrressive but it still bloody hurts.

OP posts:
Original poster
libbyssister · 13/10/2011 21:51

youhavenopower thanks for the beanbag tip, I could try that. Or maybe a wig Wink

OP posts:
YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 13/10/2011 21:59

A wig would work! For your ds though not you. If he's jealous of your hair then he'll love the wig Grin

I did do the firm no and pit down trick when ds2 used to try rip my earrings put of my ears but he was doing that on purpose and thinking it was funny.

I just think that if it's something he's doing for comfort you need to approach it a bit differently.

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 13/10/2011 22:00

Pit = Put
Put = Out

Damn phone!

Proudnreallyveryscary · 13/10/2011 22:01

DO NOT HAVE THE MUM CUT

rookery · 13/10/2011 22:05

ahem some of us have always had short hair as a positive choice. (Like it, suits us, etc). But it doesn't stop the hair pulling. If this is the only reason for getting your hair cut, don't.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 13/10/2011 22:08

I'm tempted too. DS is 4 months old and already has a firm grip and god does it hurt! DP had to pry him off my hair earlier. He does it to DD (4) as well who then shouts at him. It can't be hair envy with him though as he has loads of gorgeous blonde locks himself. Might give myself and DD skinheads til DS decides to lay off us Grin

Woodlands · 13/10/2011 22:11

i could have written this post... my 14 MO DS is exactly the same, mainly when BFing - he always has to have a handful of my hair. Mind you today i had it tied up and he couldn't reach any of it, so he twiddled his own hair instead - much more satisfactory to me.

Original poster
libbyssister · 13/10/2011 22:32

desperately and woodlands you have my sympathy. Prising their little fingers off only to find they've taken a fistful of strands with them. Gah!

I'm thinking a nice 90s wedge, shaved at the base of my neck Grin

OP posts:
LordOfTheFlies · 13/10/2011 22:48

BTW I went for a nice 'mummy cut' a month before I had DS (my PFB)

I looked like Haley Crocker from Corrie. On a bad hair day [hhmm]

Original poster
libbyssister · 13/10/2011 22:59

Smilelordoftheflies I hear you. I've had mum-cuts after DS1 and 2 in the past and neither looked great

OP posts:
devonshiredumpling · 13/10/2011 23:05

do what i did and wear a bandana keeps your hair back and if the litlle darlings get hold of it they come away with cloth instead of hair hope this helps

BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/10/2011 23:06

try him with a taggie style cloth that he can silk

startail · 13/10/2011 23:13

Surely, no and put child down on the other side of the room every time they do it will work. No nice cuddle if you hurt Mummy.
If a tiny baby can learn, that they will be placed safely on the floor every time they bite while feeding, surely a toddler can learn not to pull your hair. It will probably take a lot longer for them to get the idea, toddlers are stubbon.

TheBestWitch · 13/10/2011 23:15

Just say no and put him down whenever he does it Confused

I'm Shock that some mums would think this somehow mean. What would you do if they slapped your face for 'comfort'? Surely if you didn't let them do it from the start it wouldn't become a comfort thing?

It's never to young to teach kids that they won't get a positive response if they do things that hurt imo. The other kids (and parents) at playgroup probably won't think it's so sweet that your child thinks it's OK to pull hair!'

YouHaveNoPowerOverMe · 13/10/2011 23:26

That's bloody stupid! Slapping someone in the face isn't a comfort thing & yes child should get a firm no for that but sucking thumbs, twiddling hair etc are for comfort sometimes. Op's son is not doing it out of spite or anger, he just finds it comforting so it would be nicer to just gently encourage him to use something else for comfort.

He's not just going to go up to some random child and yank their hair out is he if he only does it when he's having cuddles with mummy.

Frankly I'm [shocked] that some of you would be so harsh to a 14month old baby finding comfort.

Like I said pulling earrings/ hair out of anger or because they think it's funny, yes of course they should get a firm NO but for twiddling/pulling hair for comfort then I think you can be a bit gentler in your approach to stopping it.

Pandemoniaa · 13/10/2011 23:28

My dgd (9 months) thinks my hair was created for her to pull but I either tie it back or, more often nowadays, I quietly detach her from it and say "No hair pulling" and then divert her with something else. Which is pretty much what I did with her father when he was the same age. Consistency is the key really so you can't tolerate some hair pulling, sometimes. It's all or nothing. Also, whether or not the habit is for comfort is immaterial, it's still unacceptable in the same way that biting and hitting are unacceptable. Regardless of why.

worraliberty · 13/10/2011 23:30

There's nothing wrong with a firm 'no' to a 14 month old baby.

They pull hair - it hurts - you say a firm 'no' - eventually they stop.

It's not rocket science and they're not going to need years of therapy to get over it.

TheBestWitch · 13/10/2011 23:36

Youhavenopower - I personally think it's more stupid to let a child pull your hair out at the roots (which is more than twiddling and actually painful) than to calmly but firmly tell them no and move them away.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 14/10/2011 00:03

Actually my DS has been known to smack for comfort when he's all cuddled in...
(I think he thinks he's patting me, like I do to him?)
[hgrin]

Swipe left for the next trending thread