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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my babysitter to bring her boyfriend with her

34 replies

GColdtimer · 13/10/2011 15:10

I have two DDs - 5 and 18months. DD2's keyworker from nursery sometimes babysits for us. She is great and both girls love her. She has asked the last couple of times if she can bring her boyfriend (they live together and are engaged, she is about 23).

DH and I don't feel comfortable as we have never met him, are paying her to babysit (£7 per hour) and I dont think DD1 would be particurly comfortable (in fact she wouldn't because I asked her - we haveonly just started having a "babysitter" as opposed to friends or family). A couple of people have told me they think I am being a bit precious to tell her no she can't bring her partner.

She is fine with it by the way - I have told her that DD1 is a bit unsure of people she doesn't know and I wouldn't want her to be upset whilst we were out.

OP posts:
purplewerepidj · 13/10/2011 15:15

Why on earth does a 23yo need company to look after two small children? Is there something creepy about your house or is she particularly under-confident on her own? Hmm

A 15yo might want privacy to snog a second opinion in case of emergency. At 23 I would expect someone to be adult enough to spend a couple of hours in charge, particularly when it's an extension of what they do for a living...

Blacksquirrel · 13/10/2011 15:15

Will your DD1 not be in bed when she is babysitting?

When you say no because 'you are paying her to babysit' what do you think she'll be doing? I'm guessing she just wants the company, so she can watch tv with her partner rather than on her own? She's not going to be watching your DDs every second.

I think YABabitU

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/10/2011 15:16

He;s not her 'boyfriend', he's her partner and fiance. However, I still wouldn't have a not CRB checked, stranger, male (and yes, it does matter) in the house when I'm not there. It's work, I don't take my husband to work with me.

incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 13/10/2011 15:18

Not at all. I don't let my babysitter have anyone else round when she's here. I need to know her attention is focused on my dc and not on whomever is with her.

mumsamilitant · 13/10/2011 15:19

You're paying her for a service if you don't want fiance there its totally your perogative.

Original poster
GColdtimer · 13/10/2011 15:23

No, DD1 will not be in bed, the babysitter will put her to bed and will read her a story and do her teeth etc. DD2 isn't a great sleeper an doften wakes up in the evening.

And no, my house isn't creepy at all!

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 13/10/2011 15:23

I don't think yabu at all. It's fair enough for her to ask, many parents wouldn't mind, but you and, more importantly, your dd are not comfortable with it and that's totally up to you.

If you think that her babysitting for you is a long-term prospect and you're keen to keep her interested, you could maybe arrange for you and dd to meet her partner sometime with a view to becoming comfortable with having him join her for babysitting.

Original poster
GColdtimer · 13/10/2011 15:24

icognito, what are commercial rate then?

OP posts:
zingzillachinchilla · 13/10/2011 15:24

I think you are being a little unreasonable, but completely agree that you are paying her, so it's on your terms. If she doesn't agree, she won't sit for you, presumably.

Original poster
GColdtimer · 13/10/2011 15:24

that is a good idea alarkaspree, I really like her as does DD1

OP posts:
Blacksquirrel · 13/10/2011 15:25

I guess some people like company but if you're not happy about it & would worry as a result then you are right to say no.

Rollergirl1 · 13/10/2011 15:39

I don't think you're being unreasonble at all. She's 23 and lives with him, therefore will be going home to him after she has babysat. FGS. Can she really not bear to be apart from him for a few hours??! I think it's quite immature to be honest.

And if she likes having company, she can have his company, just not when she is being paid £7 an hour and is sitting in someone else's house.

alarkaspree · 13/10/2011 15:50

Or you could say that her partner can come round later after your dcs are asleep. I think that's what I'd do if my babysitter asked me that, because the dcs have so much fun playing with her when they are awake, but I would be happy for her to have company after they were in bed.

valiumredhead · 13/10/2011 15:53

The fact you don't know him would be enough reason to think YANBU.

Shutupanddrive · 13/10/2011 15:57

YANBU, if your not comfortable with it then say no

Hotpotpie · 13/10/2011 16:02

I started laughing when I read this just because when I was a kid my neighbours 18 year old daughter used to baby sit us and sneak her boyfriend in once my parents had gone, he was a horrid oaf of a thing who used to think it funny to pick his nose and flick it at me and my brother and once we were asleep they used to head up to my parents room for a bit of hows your father - My dad walked in on it one night and she was never seen again! Not that im suggesting your baby sitter would do that its just that you brought the memory back and I felt like sharing Grin

YANBU its your house, if she doesnt like it she doesnt have to babysit. I baby sat regularly when I was at uni for a bit of extra cash and I cant remember any parents that let me have friends over so you arent alone in saying no

incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 16:44

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whackamole · 13/10/2011 16:54

If she's fine with it (with you saying no I mean) what's the problem? She probably just wants some company as it can be pretty boring watching tv all evening.

Neither of you are being unreasonable - her for asking and you for saying no.

HerScaryness · 13/10/2011 17:28

sitters.co.uk suggests these as the recommended rates, subject to a 3 hour minimum charge.

£7 an hour seems fair.

splashymcsplash · 13/10/2011 17:38

YANBU

I babysitted for years pre dc and I would never have dreamed of asking to bring a friend/boyfriend round. Would you do that in any other job?

The only time I had a friend round was when I was 16 and dog sitting for a weekend for family friends, totally different situation.

diddl · 13/10/2011 17:46

"Would you do that in any other job?"

But this isn´t her job-she is giving up her free time to do this-and yes, I know that she benefits as well.

She´s asked, OP has said no & she´s OK with it.

She probably would just like some company sometimes.

Can´t see the problem with her wanting her fiance there rather than them both sitting alone.

RIZZ0 · 13/10/2011 18:01

YANBU - if someone was doing me a favour and wanted some company I'd consider it depending on who he was. However, if it's the way she makes a living then it's not very professional, and it's putting on your a bit to ask more than once.

Although my babysitter is welcome to brings hers as he's a Football Coach, therefore CRB checked and knackers out my DS!

maypole1 · 13/10/2011 18:18

My sister had to sack hers she allowed her to bring her buy caught them shagging in her bed no less nephew had the tv on watching god knows what and niece was asleep

Babysitting is still a place or work you would expect to bring you mate or boyfriend round to your office so why babysitting

Personally I think when someone full attention is not on your kids that's when bad things happen

If my sisters baby sitter wasn't getting it hard she would of heard the telly on in my nephews room for example she also would of heard my sister come in

I with the op I would say no
I am sure their relationship will survive if shes board tell her t bring a bool

maypole1 · 13/10/2011 18:18

*book

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