To not want my babysitter to bring her boyfriend with her

[GColdtimer]

I have two DDs - 5 and 18months. DD2's keyworker from nursery sometimes babysits for us. She is great and both girls love her. She has asked the last couple of times if she can bring her boyfriend (they live together and are engaged, she is about 23).

DH and I don't feel comfortable as we have never met him, are paying her to babysit (£7 per hour) and I dont think DD1 would be particurly comfortable (in fact she wouldn't because I asked her - we haveonly just started having a "babysitter" as opposed to friends or family). A couple of people have told me they think I am being a bit precious to tell her no she can't bring her partner.

She is fine with it by the way - I have told her that DD1 is a bit unsure of people she doesn't know and I wouldn't want her to be upset whilst we were out.

diddl how is it not a job? She is being paid £7 an hour and therefore it's not something she's giving up her free time to do because she is being paid to do it. She is not be forced or doing it free of charge.

Having said that I would only be comfortable with my babysitters bringing a friend/boyfriend if I had met them first and my DD had met them. My lovely regular babysitter usually brings one or other of her girlfriends, only people that I know and she still asks me first.

I think it's a bit out of order to ask, but what are their home circumstances? Maybe they live in cramped conditions with housemates and neighbours who are noisy. Or they are both on low incomes and have an electricity meter? Perhaps they would like a civilised evening in a nice house with a HD TV and cable (don't know if you or they have this?). Maybe they work different hours, or he is on leave from the forces, and they don't get a lot of time together?

I would be more concerned if they were younger, or if they were still living with parents, because they might have the obvious motives but if they're living together then they're hardly going to want to shag with 2 Dcs in the house.

Maybe ask her in a jokey way why she wants him there, say after moving in with their other half, most people could do with a bit of me time. she might open up, it might be something as simple as having one car which he also needs to use in the evening, and it makes it easier for him to be there.

But you can always say it would be unsettling for your Dcs to have a stranger there. As to the people who are talking about CRB checks, do you honestly think that every babysitter, or parent who holds a playdate, or sleepover, will have a CRB check? They will have to be left with other adults eventually.

7 pounds an hour - cash in hand sounds good to me.
[Way back in the dark ages at age 15 I was paid 50p an hour and a pound an hour after midnight. In my 40s].

If it were me I would say he could come over once DD was asleep unless she is the type to wake up and come downstairs afterwards?

I did a favour for my friend and babysat her DD so her and her fiancee could go out for the evening. I asked if my DP (who she hasn't met) could come and keep me company as I was doing it on a night I would usually see him. Was I unreasonable to ask? Her DD is only 6 months old so not really at an age where she is weary of people she doesn't know.

Well it is a job-but not her main job iyswim.

I can´t see the problem with him coming over once the children are in bed.

And as long as it means that she wouldn´t ignore them.

TBH I do think that you are being a little precious-but also understand that you would like to meet his first & decide then.

May I please pick up something MrsTerryPratchett said?

I would agree with not wanting a male whom I had not met round my small daughter if I had ever had one. It's the "not CRB" bit that bothers me.

Every time any parent lets a child go on a sleepover in a house where there's a father or elder brother you are trusting that man. When DS was at that stage DW had always met the family first and formed our own view - as other parents had of us before we were the hosts!

But "CRB cleared" may mean no more than "never been caught" while "not CRB cleared" may mean no more than "never done work which needed it".

The point is that parents cannot outsource their responsibilities to the CRB or anybody else. It is for them to decide whom they do or don't trust.

YABU and rather precious. Whats wrong with her bringing her boyfriend for company? If you know and trust her its fine. I used to babysit for my parents friends and often bought my utterly kind and trustworthy boyfriend with me to hang out with. Sad that people are so suspicious these days.

I wouldn't like it either. I wouldn't want a stranger in my house, around my dc, when I wasn't there. She is being paid, so ought to treat looking after your dc in their home the same way she would treat looking after them if they were in nursery. Presumably, she doesn't take her fiance to work there.

Kerela, it's not that I am suspicious. It's a) that I have never met him and wouldn't be comfortable with anyone I didn't know being in my house and responsible for my children, and b) my dd1 is a bit wary of new people and gets anxious when we go out anyway. For her our babysitter coming is quite exciting because she gets to stay up a little bit later and gets to squeeze in an additional story or two.

If it was just dd2 who would be in bed and probably asleep and would be none the wiser iI probably would take s different view