to think that having a third child is not such a huge deal and that 38 is not ancient?

[Melissad]

grrr... so, I'm 38 and already have daughters aged 11 and 8. I'm 38 and pregnant (unexpectedly, but we're very delighted now) again.
Over the past several weeks, (basically since my bump has become very obvious and pregnant looking) random women from the school run and other people I know have taken the time to tell me that I am totally mad, what were you thinking, etc.? At your age? But you already have two!? Do you want a boy then? Oh, I could never ever go back to the baby stage, etc..
Why do people feel that it's perfectly acceptable to come out with this negative crap to a heavily pregnant (and tetchy) woman?
I know that I'm probably being touchy because I have my own worries about having a third baby after such a big gap, not wanting my older girls to feel left out, but count my blessings that we're having another baby when so many of my friends have struggled to conceive at all. I'm looking at this as a blessing and a joy, not an awful, terrible thing, some sort of horrid challenge to endure.
I wouldn't dream of asking someone why they were having another baby or why they have one/two children, or was it planned, etc.. because it's none of my business.
And please tell me that 38 is not beyond ancient?

Am 38 and dd3 is 3 months old. Don't think anyone commented about my age really. And I def don't look 21! I've got more energy this tine tbh-she sleeps! I don't get the d thing really-nor once you're pregnant-of course some people struggle over a certain age. I guess I never had children in my 20's but I had less stamina for duties then-so how I'd have coped with the responsibility and occasional drudgery of children I don't know. Course you're not old!

I had my eldest daughter when I was 26 and got negative comments about being too young! So there must be some magical age between 27-35 when it's socially acceptable to conceive!

Congratulation I had DS2 at 38. It's not old!

The only strange comment I had was from the trainee M/W who asked me if it took me long to get pregnant "at your age". I told her it was about a week.

On the other hand some people can be spectatcularly tactless, one of my friends recently adopted a baby (she's 40) and was asked at a Mother and Baby Group if she was the baby's grandmother

I have a 13 year old, an 11 year old and an (almost) one year old. I used to get annoyed at everyone's assumption that DD was an accident (she was very much planned) but over the last year people's comments bother me less and less - I can see why people think what they do with a gap this big after all. Sometimes I think people just don't know what to say, so say anything, no matter how thoughtless. Our worst reaction was from MIL who couldn't believe we would actually plan another baby :-( however she has brought our family nothing but joy, our older two love her to bits and I wouldn't change anything for the world. I'm an ancient 38 too!
Good luck with the new baby, you'll all be fine!

like OP I had two dds aged 11 and 8 when got pregnant with DS - I was 38 and it was a huge shock. am a bit surprised (and jealous maybe) of those of you who want another pregnancy/newborn...didn't enjoy being pregnant any of the 3 times and positively hate the wailing, puking newborn stage. wouldn't have another if you paid me a king's ransom - seriously.
Now DS is 10 and the girls 21 and 18, the gap is very apparent. They have at least partially left home, and I have some element of freedom back from the endless grind of being a mother......or would have if I had just the DDs. However, as university, overseas travel and horizons beckon, i still have Primary School, homework and "play with me". sorry to be negative, but personally i find it frustrating. Not DS's fault, so I try not to be resentful for his sake but quite frankly, its a pain.

Aw congratulations... I can't believe how many people have been so outrageously tactless in their comments. A lady I know (half acquaintance, half friend!) is about to have her third and her dds are 8 and 10/11, and while secretly I think she's being very brave I certainly wouldn't tell her that I think she's being mad.

My mum had my dsis when she as 39, I was 11 and db was 10 - it was amazing having a baby sister. It certainly hasn't put me off the idea, in fact if anything it makes me think I might try it too when I'm 39 and my dds are the same age!

I had my dd when I was 40 having had ds1 at 22 and ds2 at 24. It was assumed by the midwife that I must have a new 'partner' even though dd had the same father.

Dd was planned and has been an absolute blessing. She had 4 parents as her brothers couldn't do enough for her. Her older ds has done a lot of the things that I didn't want to do like taking her to see some awful films and to places like theme parks and she seems to have survived having older parents - she is now at uni.

I did have some people asking the 'was it a mistake' and 'are you hoping for a girl' questions but there were some who thought I was brave and wished they had the courage to start again.

interesting replies, thanks. I've also been asked if this one is with the same Father! (the answer is yes)
dementedma, why do you find it frustrating? (just curious, your reply worriedintrigued me)

Ignore I have 12 year age gap between eldest and youngest

Had mine in twos did 6 years between ds2 and dd then few more to ds3 Oh and there all close ds1 and ds2 adore dd and ds3 and spoil them rotten no jealousy at all

I had DS3 at 44 after a 13 year gap so 38 is not old! OK so he is not with the same father as DS1 and DS2 but I had lots of lovely comments and many of my teenage sons' mums seem to really enjoy having a lo around again to make a fuss of. i sort of see where demented is coming from with the lack of freedom but I actually think I appreciate DS3 as a baby more than the other two as I am more knackered laid back these days!

Gosh where we live 38 is young seriously.

Well I had DS2 earlier this year at the grand old age of 37, so no, you're not old in my book! What a load of old meanies making you feel miserable when you should be excited about the birth of your third child. Congratulations and don't listen to them.

Congratulations Melissad and Pinky
I don't think 38 sounds at all old to have a baby. I'm at the tail end of my family and my mum was 38 when she had me. I have always found it great and it was and is a real pleasure to have older siblings. I know it meant my parents had school age kids for a long time, but it also meant that they didn't suddenly have that empty nest thing. As a family we did lots of stuff together even if it meant my mum was taking me to a PG film, whilst my dad took the older kids to 15s. :)
Good luck with it all.

melissad I'm frustrated that I'm back in the childcare years rather than enjoying watching the DDs spreading their wings and thus enjoying for myself a sense of freedom. yes, it's selfish, but I feel I've done my time IYSWIM and with both girls having left high school and out in the big world, i suppose I woud like to be moving on to a new stage too. Instead, it's like groundhog day and it bores me, if I'm brutally honest. I love DS,and he's a great kid, but I am now nearly 48 and going swimming, kicking a ball round the park etc is tiring, boring and not how I want to spend my spare time. But I do it because he likes it and deserves to do the same kind of stuff that the DDs did, even if it was 10 years ago when I was doing it all first time round.

Can't you see they are jealous! there's nothing like a pg woman to put other women in a spin, even if they feel they have completed their families (maybe especially if they feel they have).

Congratulations on the pg, ignore any negativities, enjoy your snuggly newborn to be

And most late 30's women I know are only on their first or second, some are planning a 3rd which would take place in their 40's.

I have 3 and I absolutely love it!! 3 is a fabulous number - I have genuinely, never ever being so happy or content in my entire life since number 3 arrived 4 months ago. Huge congratulations!!!

And no, of course 38 isn't ancient for Gods sake - but you're going to get comments regardless - I'm 26 (just) and have received all those "are you mad" comments.

Fark them

Congratulations.

I agree that they are probably jealous.

I am 10 years younger and expecting dc3, people say EXACTLY the same things to me!! Along with, 'is the tv broke in your house'
They will still be lining up to coo when baby comes

Congratulations. I know loads of women who have had first, second, third and fourth babies at age 38 and older. So its no big deal around here. Lots of my friends either waited because they wanted to do other things first or didn't meet the right guy till late 30s. I am desperate for another and if I could get my dh to agree will be 40 by then. I know my inlaws will be as negative as they get but sod them. My life, my family.

Oh yes, I had all of those comments too! DSs are 14 & 11 and have just had my baby DD. One I was particularly fond of hearing was "oh, and just as the boys had started to grow up & you were getting your life back......." . I did have reservations about how it would be to effectively "start over again" but I honestly think it's much easier this time around. I'm older for one thing (37 - almost a pensioner) and a lot more relaxed than I was when the DSs were born. We are also more stable financially which helps. Enjoy your pregnancy & your new baby - just don't be surprised if virtual strangers (e.g. mums at school who know who you are but never bothered to speak to you before) ask you questions such as "was it planned?" and "does it have a different dad?" [mind your own freakin' business emoticon] .

I'm 36 and have 3 DCs, the youngest is just 8m. I got all those comments made to me too when pg (except for the 'returning to nappy stage' as the others were only 3 and nearly 2 when I was pg). We got very, very few 'congratulations' which made me very :( and - both friends and strangers were more than happy to tell me how mad I was, had I used contraception (!), was it planned, we must be hoping for a boy etc etc et

Some people are just fecking rude.

Congratulations by the way :o

Congratulations OP! 38 is no age. I had my DC at 39 and 41, and apart from the HV saying "you must be grandma" I have had no negative comments or experiences.
You are right to count your blessings...enjoy!

I am seriously jealous of girls (women) I went to school with who are only just settling down and having families now - I would LOVE another baby but I am 39 now and I have six DC and a 4 week old grandson so I think my days are numbered

Our eldest DC is 22 and our youngest is 5 so I think we should call it a day